6

GABOR: We’re going to do a silent meditation for 5 minutes, assume a comfortable position – the intent here is to just check in with ourselves. Whatever fear or frustration, or anticipation, whatever the state is – let’s just notice what’s there. And for the next hour or so, however long it takes, we’ll be setting the stage, preparing the ground for the ceremony that Carl will lead us through. So this first hour is a clearing…clearing the space so the ceremony can take place in as untrammeled and uncluttered space as possible. And that takes a lot of noticing. So it’s just a question of noticing what’s there for you. See whatever’s there. Follow your breath in and out; in the spaces, just notice what is in there for you. But keep coming back to your breath, don’t get lost in what’s there. OK? We’ll do that for 5 minutes.

[After the meditation]

I’ll just say a very few words, then I’d like to initiate a conversation. We’re here on a journey. And it’s an ongoing one. And some of you have done this before; others of you will find this a new experience. But it isn’t really a new experience: in the sense that you’ve been on a journey, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Something brought you here. And so whatever brought you here is part of your evolution. and some of you are here because you think you have problems you need to resolve.

There’s two ways to look at problems. One is from the point of view of the personality: a problem is something to get rid of, if you’ve got an issue, you’ve got to get rid of it. From the point of view of a deeper part of you, that actually brought you here, there’s only learning, lessons to be acquired.

So I’m encouraging all of you to consider your problems to be, not obstacles to be overcome, but as lessons to be gained: something that’s here to teach you something. Because tonight for those of you who participate in ceremony, all kinds of stuff may come up. It may be positive and enjoyable, or it might be experienced as unpleasant. But there’s no value to be put on the positive, and there’s no negative to what you may not like. It’s simply part of the teaching that you need to receive.

So if you don’t look at anything as a problem, but simply as a question that needs answering, that will help you move forward. Now this process will be – the whole thing is about questioning. The are two questions to be asked: what is the meaning of what seems to be, and secondly, what is it that really is. Those are the questions I begin with. I didn’t formulate that, it’s a psychiatrist called Thomas Hora who formulated that way. But it’s a good place to begin. So I’m going to go around the room: from that perspective I’ll be asking you questions.

The difference is consequences. If it was a demand, if I ask a question and you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to share anything. There’s no demand, or expectation. OK, so for the purpose of this – it’s to get us ready for ceremony and formulate our intentions.

Because the plant is a teacher. It will teach you. A good teacher will teach even if the student doesn’t want to learn…but it’s much more difficult for the teacher if the student isn’t open to learning. The clearer you can be on what you want to learn – and we’ll help you formulate that intention – the more benefit you’ll get from the ceremony itself. So it’s good to know what you want to know about yourself. The teaching can be quite gentle, sometimes it can be a little bit scary, but it’s always benign. So in the end you’ll come out stronger, and more in touch. So, this is all about formulating intentions for tonight…but before we do, we’ll introduce ourselves: share with the group about who you are, and what brought you here.

So I’m going to ask you to look into yourself, and see, in what areas is there lack of peace inside for you? In what area is there lack of power? Is what areas – there might be more than one, but maybe one more salient – is there difficulty for you to express yourself. So really, where is there a lack of freedom, and lack of inner peace for you?

And I’m going to ask you to focus your attention on that. Now this is a process around addiction…but it’s not really about addiction per se. Because all an addiction is, is a compulsive relationship to a need, a perceived need. That’s all an addiction is, it’s always about needs, and in Jesse’s case, it’s a compulsive relationship to meeting the needs of others. It’s the same process.

So just look into yourself and see: if something in you or in your life leaves you with a lack of peace at this point, or lack of power, just see if you can identify what that is for yourself right now. And, yeah, just look at that question.

Jesse, do you want to start?

JESSE: Can you ask me a question?

GABOR: Yeah, if I asked you where do you lack inner peace or strength or power, what’s the first thing that comes up for you?

JESSE: Nothing is coming up… OK, I don’t know if this is – I feel like maybe, authenticity? Ability to be authentic with how I’m feeling.

GABOR: Can you say more?

JESSE: Um, I think I don’t allow myself to express what I really feel often, and often don’t even know what I’m really feeling, because I’m so focused on the external…

GABOR: So you’ve got this huge external focus, so much so that you lose track of what’s inside you. So what intention can you formulate around that. What would you like to see?

JESSE: To be more in touch with myself, be aware of my own internal process…

GABOR: You guys, what would be a good question for Jesse, to ask the plant, around being authentic and in touch?

LANA: The first thing that really comes to me is, what’s in the way of that. What’s in the way of that ability to be really authentic and present?

GABOR: Great.

JESSE: I think I have an idea what’s in the way of that- I have a fear of expressing anger, and pain, in the way that…how it’s been role-modeled to me to express those things…so I don’t want to be that way.

GABOR: So in the way of your authenticity there’s fear. Great. Are you willing to look at your fear tonight? Would that be an intention you’d be willing to take on.

JESSE: Yeah.

GABOR: Is that something you’d be interested in looking at? OK great.

* * *

PAVEL: My concern is if the pain comes on, I might end up being consumed by it.

GABOR: What I would say about that is these guys are really great at reading people’s energies and working with it. You get lots of healing. You’re not alone.

PAVEL: But there’s no antidote, once you take it, it has to run through your system.

RONIN: There is an antidote: acceptance and being present. But a physical antidote, no.

PAVEL: My experience of hallucinogenics is with acid, just wanting it to end…

RONIN: Well, if that’s what comes up for you, that’s connected to your heart…Wishing something to end, in any experience, is a hopeless hope, I guess. That’s going to be a teaching for the night, if you’re looking for lessons. The more you get into wishing something to end, the more difficult it’s going to be, right?

PAVEL: I just don’t know what the physical sensation is…

RONIN: Ayahuasca will always go to the block. Within your physical body, within the mental construct. In your spiritual body. If there’s any block, the medicine will go there. That’s the nature of what this medicine does. To open these blocks, and teach you why these blocks are there. If there’s a block in your heart, or any of our hearts, then the ayahuasca will go there. If I have something in my heart that is a pain, ayahuasca will go there. You have a different situation, you have a physical manifestation of an actual block in your heart, so we have to be careful, take that into consideration.