BY MAJOR GENERAL GREGG MARTIN, UNITED STATES ARMY (RETIRED)

I am a 65-year-old husband, father, grandfather, combat veteran, and a proud, thankful bipolar survivor, thriver, and warrior.

A qualified Airborne-Ranger-Engineer and strategist, I commanded soldiers in combat, and served globally from my West Point graduation in 1979, at age 23, until my removal from command of the National Defense University (NDU) in 2014, at age 58. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Martin Dempsey, the highest-ranking military officer in the U.S., rightly gave me the choice to “resign or be fired,” and ordered me to undergo a psychiatric exam.

Unbeknownst to everyone, I had a genetic predisposition for bipolar disorder. The VA (Veterans Administration) and the Army Medical Department believe that in 2003, at age 47, the intense stress of the Iraq War, where I commanded a combat engineer brigade of thousands of soldiers, triggered the condition. My doctors believe that my brain responded to the stress of combat by producing and distributing excessive amounts of dopamine and endorphins, sending me into a euphoric, high-performing mania that made me feel fearless—like I was Superman.

But my journey to full-fledged bipolar disorder started decades earlier with my hyperthymic personality. Hyperthymia is, essentially, a near continual state of mild mania which results in consistently extraordinary levels of energy, drive, positivity, and the like (not to be confused with hypomania, which is episodic symptoms of mild mania.)

Hyperthymia boosted and enhanced my performance from high school on, but it also increased the chances of me going into mania, depression and bipolar (see Dr. Nassir Ghaemi’s A First-Rate Madness to learn more about this.) And from 2003 on, my bipolar worsened with my rage over what I saw as catastrophic policy decisions that sabotaged U.S. success in the Iraq War; the many gut-wrenching soldier funerals I presided over in hometown America; the resistance of Army and DOD (Department of Defense) bureaucrats to embrace and implement long overdue transformation to improve our war efforts; and the stress caused by the Army service of my own two sons, who served at the tip of the spear in combat.

My bipolar remained unknown, undetected, and undiagnosed from 2003 to 2014. My manic highs grew higher, and my depressive lows sank lower until I reached a state of acute mania in the spring of 2014.

As I rocketed into full-blown mania and became increasingly disruptive, erratic and eccentric, my 4-star boss felt compelled to remove me from command, both for my own good and the good of the organization. He also directed me to get a mental health evaluation. He made the right decision. Unfortunately, I was misdiagnosed three times that month as “fit for duty.”

Over the next four months I spiraled, then crashed, into crippling, hopeless depression, which was accompanied by terrifying psychotic delusions. For the next two years I was in a fight for my life as morbid, vivid imagery of my own brutal, violent, bloody death filled my mind. Psychiatrists call these “passive suicidal ideations,” meaning I wasn’t actively trying to kill myself or desiring death by my own hand. But I did believe that both myself and my family would be better off if I were dead.

Fortunately, while I was imagining my agonizing death deep in the abyss of bipolar hell, an Army comrade helped me get into the excellent VA hospital in White River Junction, VT. My wife’s love and perseverance were crucial, and the support of family and friends helped keep my passive suicidal ideations from morphing into active ones, which could easily have led to suicide. It was Lithium, a natural element, and a compassionate, multi-disciplinary team of VA medical professionals, that led to my mood stabilization in September 2016, and subsequent recovery.

Since then, I have re-built my previously bipolar-shattered life upon the bio-chemical balance created by the combination of three medications: Lithium, Lamictal and Latuda. Crucially, these medications are necessary but not sufficient for recovery.

The successful bio-chemical balance must be anchored into a social foundation of People, Place, and Purpose (known as the “3P’s”), and be infused, energized and strengthened with a fourth P: Perseverance. (For more on the “3P’s”, see Dr. Thomas Insel’s book, Healing. In a future post, I’ll expand on my own experience with the 3P’s)

Since starting on lithium nearly six years ago, I have not had a “bad” day. Under the continued medical care of the VA, my wife and I are enjoying a wonderful life in warm, sunny Florida, where we have built a network of fun, vibrant friends. I strive to keep my bipolar disorder at bay and pursue my life purpose of mental health advocacy.

I never wanted bipolar, but it wanted me. It nearly destroyed everything I value—my marriage, family, health, friends, career, and life itself. In response, I have taken my “bipolar gift” and transformed it into my calling and mission: Sharing my bipolar story to help stop the stigma and save lives.

I speak and write on my experiences, providing hope and knowledge to others. In addition to helping stop the stigma that unfortunately surrounds mental illness, I hope to help save lives, marriages, families, friendships and careers.

About Bipolar Disorder

Formerly known as “manic depressive illness,” bipolar disorder is a general term that, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), comprises a cluster of related disorders that are characterized by distinctive and extreme shifts or cycles, in mood. These moods oscillate between varying degrees of two poles: mania and depression, or “highs” and “lows.”

Manic states are typically marked by elevated, expansive or irritable moods and increased energy; feeling overly happy and optimistic; being highly talkative but with pressured speech; or having an inflated self-esteem and/or feeling grandiose or religious, as if on a mission directly from God.

There’s often little need for sleep, since it’s common to feel rested after three or four hours, but the mind is always racing with ideas and distracted, which can lead the afflicted to take part in high risk, dangerous, or potentially painful activities, such as drug and alcohol abuse, high risk sex, extra-marital affairs, and extravagant spending sprees.

Mania is much more than feeling up, happy or energetic. It can be life-threatening and highly destructive, with some manic symptoms being severe enough to cause marked social or occupational impairment or require hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others. And it is driven in large part by the over-production and distribution of critical chemicals that create and regulate mood, most notably dopamine and endorphins.

The lows of depression, meanwhile, often result in decreased energy, diminished interest, worthlessness, hopelessness, lack of focus, and recurrent thoughts of death. A depressed person is depressed most of the day, nearly every day, and often feels sad, empty, and hopeless. They have little interest or pleasure in most activities, and often have significant change in weight or appetite.

But depression is much more than having a bad day, or feeling down, low, or sad. True medical depression is a life-threatening condition that inspires recurrent thoughts of suicide. The mirror opposite of mania, it is driven in large part by the under-production and distribution of those same critical chemicals that create and regulate mood: dopamine, endorphins, and others.

The fact is that bipolar disorder and other types of mental illnesses are real physical illnesses that occur within the complex biochemical-producing and neurochemical components of the human brain. Bipolar disorder and other brain maladies are not the ‘fault’ of the afflicted person or evidence of moral failings, flawed character, or a lack of willpower.

The afflicted person didn’t ask for it, and it’s not their fault. So we must treat it as we would a person with cancer, heart disease or a broken leg: recognize it, get medical help, diagnose it, treat it, heal it, and get them back to a healthy, happy life. And we don’t criticize the cancer patient: We love, support and help them. Those struggling with mental illness deserve and need the same support.

That said, a person afflicted with bipolar disorder, through forces largely outside of their own control, may damage, harm, and erode relationships, sometimes like a human wrecking ball, in their marriage and family, with friends, and with colleagues. I believe that the millions of Americans afflicted with bipolar disorder, who have harmed relationships while in a state of mania or depression, regret that these relationships have been damaged, including me.

About the author

Gregg Martin is a 36-year Army combat veteran, retired 2-star general, and bipolar survivor, thriver, and warrior. In 2003, Martin commanded a combat engineer brigade during the Iraq war, and the intense stress of combat triggered the genetic predisposition for bipolar and sent him into his first manic episode. After his deployment, he fell into depression, marking his first up-down cycle. For a decade, these swings of mania and depression continued, going undetected, undiagnosed, and unknown by him or anyone around him. It wasn’t until 2014, during an episode of acute mania, that he was removed from his role as President at the National Defense University and began receiving help. With treatment and support from his family, friends, and an in-patient stay at the VA hospital, Martin has found a new mission in combatting mental health stigma to save lives.

Martin holds a Ph.D. and two master’s degrees from MIT, and a bachelor’s degree from West Point. He is a father of three sons, author, and speaker who lives with his wife in Cocoa Beach, Florida. For more information, visit www.generalgreggmartin.com