9 First Person (Child): I Was Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 when I Was 13
BY CASSANDRA ARC
A red dot. That’s where it all started. A dot on a stage. A dot lit by overhead spotlights. A dot, where countless others had spoken truths, words of wisdom for the young and the old. This dot, where I would speak my truth, my story of pain and hardship, my advice of hope and health. The dot, on the stage of TEDx Boise in 2016.
This moment, this dot, this place, this time; it evoked emotions in me I did not know existed. Most people would’ve felt fear, but I felt ecstatic. Bold thoughts that put me down a path to health.
A lot of good can come from a speech. Words are more powerful than any other tool we humans possess. They can rip you to shreds or bolster your resolve, calm or agitate the mind. On that stage I learned the power of words and began my path to perfect them, shape them. Use them to heal and to help. A tool more powerful than any weapon. A tool that connects and builds community. A tool that allows insight into another’s mind.
In the months following the speech I had people reach out, using their words. “Thank you.” “I know what it feels like.” “I’m glad I’m not alone.”
In the months following the speech I had people reach out, using their words. “Thank you.” “I know what it feels like.” “I’m glad I’m not alone.”
Words, that breach the gaps of loneliness and heal the hearts harmed by hateful acts.
The words I delivered on that stage have defined who I’ve become. I know now that I have power to change. That each and every person has the power and the tools to change. I know that I have hope, that I am strong. I know that nothing will ever stop me from the goals I keep in mind. I know that my words can help. I know that I can help.
But those words came after a long journey of struggle with a difficult illness. An illness that split my mind in two. Some days I found myself unable to move. Paralyzed and crushed by the great weight of depression. Other days I was furious with myself for an inability to focus or produce anything. Driven mad by the sheer chaotic energy of mania. Year after year I went improperly diagnosed and year after year I tried and failed.
Even after the right diagnosis, even after I learned about bipolar disorder, I still fight every day for stability. It takes great amounts of effort and exertion. Some days I exhaust myself just wrangling my mind. But I finally have the words necessary to begin healing. I have the knowledge necessary to take back control. I have the strength necessary to succeed.
About the Author
Cassandra Arc is from Boise, Idaho. She attends Lewis Clark State College where she is majoring in creative writing and minoring in behavioral science. She is the president of the college’s Gay/Straight Alliance club. She enjoys reading books, writing books, playing games and spending time with her friends. She also has bipolar disorder, a neurological condition that, when untreated, made her life difficult. When treated, she’s like any other normal college student—other than what she calls her “incredibly nerdy tendencies.” Cassie presented a TEDx Boise talk about growing up with a mental illness in 2016. She appeared in the Peabody Award winning HBO documentary “A Dangerous Son” (2018), the PBS Nova documentary “Mind of a Rampage Killer” (2013), and was featured on NPR’s national StoryCorps broadcast. She has also been interviewed for NPR’s Weekend Edition and for local Boise radio shows. She was the past chair of Boise’s Youth M.O.V.E., a support and advocacy organization for young people with mental health conditions. She was appointed to the Idaho Intergovernmental Agency Task Force to redesign Idaho’s children’s mental health system in 2016 and continues to serve on the task force.