19 First Person: Bipolar Medication and Weight Gain
BY IVORY SMITH CAUSEY
Have you ever gone to a restaurant and had a big meal only to feel hungry two hours later? Do you eat that fourth meal of the day at 3:00 a.m. at night standing in the kitchen? Have you watched your clothes get tight and hope that the dryer has shrunk them? As someone who takes medications to manage my bipolar disorder, I have definitely experienced all of these. We know that bipolar medications play a factor in weight gain, but not enough research has been done to show how.
I have always had a “little meat on my bones,” a point of pride. Right now I am 4’11″ and weigh 181 pounds. My provider thinks that Depakote, which I started this May in combination with the Latuda I was already taking, caused the increase in my appetite. I don’t crave sweets, junk foods, or even my cherry Coke Zero that I used to love. However, the amount and frequency of my eating has increased. The desire for and love of the taste of food has also increased. Sometimes the highlight of the day is what I am going to eat for lunch or dinner. One day I spent 20 minutes in hospital cafeteria trying to figure out what I wanted. I wanted a little of everything from the chicken wing bar to the salad bar to the country cooking station. However, I was already having issues with the weight yo-yo effect from previous antipsychotic medications.
One challenge I have to overcome when my weight begins to increase due to the medicines I am taking is going to the gym and thinking that others are judging me on my weight gain. When I talk to my gym buddies from class, I want to hide my body. People who gain weight like this are also sometimes ashamed to show themselves to friends or family whom they have not seen in a long time. The horror of watching my nursing uniforms and church dresses getting tight is rough.
Feelings about weight gain and self-image can be a trigger for more depressive symptoms. Inside I feel helpless and at the mercy of a medication that has been helping me with mania and mixed states. But on the other hand, it’s a tremendous relief not to feel constant agitation or worry that I might find myself at the grocery store trying to discuss my philosophical views with strangers in the checkout line during a manic episode.
I am now seeing a health coach for a more personalized holistic approach that involves clean eating and whole foods.
I have been through several weight loss programs. After all of these programs, I have gained the weight back after little success losing a substantial amount of weight to begin with. I have spent thousands of dollars on other weight loss programs that produced deprivation and starvation. I also took an appetite suppressant that caused me to go to into a mixed state. I am now seeing a health coach for a more personalized holistic approach that involves clean eating and whole foods. I am encouraged to eat plenty of whole foods and sprouted grains.
There is much for me to understand about nutrition, medications, and weight. As an informed consumer, I have been reading a lot about gut healing and how it influences factors in our health long term. I have also learned about how processed foods cause many health problems. Shopping on the periphery of the grocery store takes me to fresh and frozen whole foods. In the middle are processed foods full of sugar, salt, and unhealthy fats and oils. I watch YouTube videos on weekly food prep, which sometimes help me avoid the hospital cafeteria. I learned what I call high carb switch outs. For example, instead of white rice or potatoes, I can use mashed or “riced” cauliflower as a substitute.
I still push myself to my favorite gym classes in spite of feeling self-conscious. I shared with others how I felt about myself when I go to the gym. I would call myself bad names for the feelings of hunger I experienced just one hour after I had eaten. When I feel hungry two hours later I have started to become mindful by not judging the cravings as bad or good. Also, I know I am not going to stop taking Depakote because for me, it has been proven to be effective in managing my bipolar disorder. I realize I must accept reality as it is. Instead of bemoaning my fate, I decided to focus on my health and find new clothes that fit. A new wardrobe is expensive so I choose the almost new: Goodwill and consignment shops in my hometown. I talk openly with my psychiatrist and therapist about my feelings surrounding my weight gain, and I encourage others in my situation to do the same.
About the Author
Ivory Smith Causey has a B.A. in sociology with a minor in women and gender studies from Georgia Southern University. She has a B.S. in nursing from Macon State College. Ivory is a registered nurse at Atrium-Navicent Health in Macon, Georgia. She is a member of the American Holistic Nurses Association and hopes to be certified in holistic nursing.