Chapter 8: Editing
Introduction to Editing
You have drafted, received feedback, revised, redrafted, received more feedback, revised, redrafted…and now you are ready to polish the paper up and hand it in. The editing stage of the writing process is time consuming, but it ensures that your work is error-free and will be taken seriously by your instructor and your readers.
Editing your own draft can be difficult, but the following strategies will make this task a bit easier. Try them and decide which of these strategies you find the most helpful.
- Proofreading and Editing Strategies
- Editing for Grammar
- Editing for Style
- Final Editing Checklists
Proofreading and Editing Strategies
Here are a few general proofreading and editing strategies that you should consider trying.
Close/specific reading
This strategy is always important to complete, as it requires intense analysis of your paper and prose. Use any rhetorically based reading skills you have learned and apply these to this close read.
Be careful not only to rely on this tactic. It can be very easy to accidentally overlook an issue if you are only reading the essay in one way. Make sure to use this strategy in conjunction with any of these other options.
Reading aloud
This strategy is specifically helpful when checking the flow of your sources once integrated into your own work. By reading aloud, you can hear how you have synthesized the sources amongst your own work, allowing you to check that there is no break in the narrative.
Reading aloud also forces you to experience your writing in a different medium; in so doing, many structural and word choice issues can become clear, among others.
For more approaches to using this strategy, please review the following sources:
Reading Aloud – The Writing Center • University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (unc.edu)
Shift your start point
What this means is that you start reading over your essay in the middle of the essay, rather than always from the beginning.
Reading an essay out of order can help your mind experience each part of the essay in a new way, keeping you from becoming tired during a read though.
Print the paper, then edit
Only working on an assignment through one medium (a computer screen, tablet, etc.) can cause your eyes to gloss over the same error over and over again. By printing out your work, you are allowing yourself a chance to physically see your work, which often leads to the recognition of additional errors.
Walk away
Sometimes the best move is to give yourself a day or two away from your paper and then come back to it with fresh eyes. Doing so will allow you to gain some perspective on your topic and some psychological distance from your work.
Note that this means you will need to give yourself plenty of time before the paper is due.
For additional strategies on editing your final draft, review the following sources:
Now that you know a few general editing and proofreading strategies, let’s look at some of the specific areas that usually need the writer’s attention. What should you look for when editing your draft?
Editing for Grammar
“Correctness” in Writing
Many students assume—or fear—that college writing is judged primarily on its grammatical correctness. Ideas, evidence, and arguments matter more than the mechanics of grammar and punctuation; however, many of the rules of formal writing exist to promote the clarity and precision writers must achieve to effectively convey ideas, evidence, and arguments.
In addition, texts that observe the rules of formal written English tend to be more persuasive by making the author appear well informed and careful (which is the primary way beginning writers establish ethos in their work). Writing replete with errors does not make a great impression, and most educators want to help students present themselves well. Correctness, then, isn’t the most important thing, but it does matter.
For example, using text language or slang in formal written work (academic or professional) may be confusing to an audience and should be avoided whenever possible.
INFORMAL: We ain’t got no more of them cookies.
FORMAL: We don’t have any more of those cookies.
INFORMAL: u shd go 2 café b4 wrk bc coffee
FORMAL: You should go to the café before work to get some coffee.
The informal versions are clearly English, and they’re widely understandable to others. However, they may not be understandable to readers in different generations or second-language learners.
Reviewing and practicing some commonly accepted grammar rules may help make your writing clear and concise. With the help of a good handbook and your instructors, you’ll learn some rules over time. The larger point made here is that observing rules isn’t about traversing a minefield of potential errors; it’s just about learning and adopting the practices appropriate to your audience, which is one of the first rules of writing well.
There are several elements of punctuation and language you should learn and apply.
Using a Comma
Here’s a brief run-down of the rules of comma usage that many students violate.
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Use a comma to join two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction:
CORRECT: Her misdeed was significant, but the punishment was excessive.
ALSO CORRECT: Her misdeed was significant but justified by the circumstances.
In the first example, the comma is telling the reader that one clause (her misdeed was significant) is ending and another (the punishment was excessive) beginning. The second example does not use a comma, because the words that follow “but” (justified by the circumstances) do not add up to an independent clause; they make a dependent clause that could not stand alone as a sentence.
Note: “Because” is NOT a coordinating conjunction. It’s a subordinating conjunction. Therefore, it does not use a comma:
INCORRECT: Conspiracy theories can be compelling, because many people distrust the government.
CORRECT: Conspiracy theories can be compelling because many people distrust the government.
“Because,” like other subordinating conjunctions (such as “although,” “unless,” or “until”), is meant to knit together one indivisible thought; hence, no comma. Including a comma weakens the connection in the mind of your reader.
2. Use a comma to mark the end of an introductory element
CORRECT: While we were eating, the baby crawled out of the room.
CORRECT: Alongside the road, we found the perpetrator’s gun.
CORRECT: Because many distrust the government, conspiracy theories can be compelling.
The first example would be comically confusing without the comma. The second example shows how the comma helps your reader separate the introductory element from the part that followed. The third example might be confusing. The sentence from the section above, beginning with “Conspiracy theories” does not use a comma, but in this example, a dependent clause is serving as an introductory element.
3. Use a comma to set off non-essential information
Both of these sentences are correct, but they convey different ideas:
EXAMPLE 1: Gathering places vital to their communities are worth the investment.
EXAMPLE 2: Gathering places, vital to their communities, are worth the investment.
The first says that only those gathering places that are vital to their communities are worth the investment (implying that some are not vital and therefore not worth investing in). In that first example, “vital to their communities” is a restrictive element. In the second example “vital to their communities” is extra information. The sentence implies that gathering places in general are worth the investment (ostensibly because they’re vital to their communities). The commas mark the phrase as non-essential information, which is a non-restrictive element. In writing the second sentence, you might enclose the non-essential information in parentheses instead.
Avoiding Sentence Fragments
You must learn to use punctuation and coordinating conjunctions to avoid sentence fragments.
At some point, you were probably instructed that all sentences must have a subject (which includes a noun) and a verb and that they must be written to stand alone.
Consider this example of a sentence fragment:
INCORRECT: When you go to the supermarket. You don’t often think about the work behind the scenes.
It has a subject (you) and verb (go to the supermarket), but the “when” indicates that the sentence is incomplete. When people write sentence fragments, they usually have the missing elements in the preceding or following sentences, so it’s really a punctuation error.
CORRECT: When you go to the supermarket, you don’t often think about the work behind the scenes.
ALSO CORRECT: You don’t often think about the work behind the scenes when you go to the supermarket.
In the first version, the dependent clause (the part that couldn’t stand alone) comes first, necessitating a comma. In the second, the main clause (the part that could stand alone) comes first, so no comma is used.
For more examples and explanations, visit Sentence Fragments – Purdue OWL® – Purdue University
Avoiding Run-On Sentences
You must learn how to use punctuation and coordinating conjunctions to avoid run-on sentences.
One of the more common types of writing errors, a run-on sentence incorrectly connects two or more independent clauses together. There are two types: a fused sentence smooshes two independent clauses together; a comma splice attempts to connect the independent clauses using only a comma. Both types of run-on sentences are easily corrected with punctuation and some coordinating words.
INCORRECT (run-on): The Epic of Gilgamesh is one of the earliest literary works it had a major influence on Mesopotamian culture.
INCORRECT (comma splice): The Epic of Gilgamesh is one of the earliest literary works, it had a major influence on Mesopotamian culture.
Clearly, the writer wants the reader to see these two sentences as connected. They have three options to show the reader how the sentences relate.
CORRECT OPTION 1 (semicolon): The Epic of Gilgamesh is one of the earliest literary works; it had a major influence on Mesopotamian culture.
The semi-colon is an elegant and underutilized option. By joining two sentences with a semi-colon, the writer can subtly tell the reader that the epic’s earliness and influence, together, make it important.
CORRECT OPTION 2 (comma and coordinating conjunction): The Epic of Gilgamesh is one of the earliest literary works, and it had a major influence on Mesopotamian culture.
The use of “and” in this option also tells the reader to put the two claims together. A more specific conjunction—such as “but,” “so”, or “yet”—is usually a better choice than “and” or a semi-colon because it would provide more information about how the two claims relate.
CORRECT OPTION 3 (separate sentences): The Epic of Gilgamesh is one of the earliest literary works. It had a major influence on Mesopotamian culture.
If you don’t want your reader to consider the two sentences closely related, you can convey that by choosing separate sentences. With the Gilgamesh example, you might choose this option if the paragraph is mostly about the influence of the epic on Mesopotamian culture, but you have a good reason to include a sentence about how early it is. These two sentences would function well as the first two sentences of an introductory paragraph.
The following video walks students through finding and correcting run-ons:
Using Colons
You must learn to use colons correctly for lists, quotations, and explanatory information.
INCORRECT: We packed: clothes, camping equipment, and a first-aid kit.
CORRECT: We packed the essentials: clothes, camping equipment, and a first-aid kit.
For lists, use a colon when the part before the colon can stand alone as a sentence. Otherwise, leave the colon out (“We packed clothes, camping equipment, and a first-aid kit”).
INCORRECT: Mitchell explains that: “Part of the fascination of Gilgamesh is that, like any great work of literature, it has much to tell us about ourselves.”
CORRECT: Mitchell explains the power of the epic: “Part of the fascination of Gilgamesh is that, like any great work of literature, it has much to tell us about ourselves.”
You can use a colon to introduce a quote if the parts before and after the colon can stand as complete sentences. A comma is an option here as well. Introducing a quote with your own complete sentence and a colon is another underutilized trick in student writing. You have to use source material within your own analytical thread in most college papers. Introducing a quote with your own complete sentence can make it immediately clear why the quote you chose is important to your argument.
Using Modifiers
You must learn to use modifiers clearly and precisely.
Modifiers are words and phrases that add information to a sentence. They specify the meaning of (that is, they modify) a noun or verb. Sometimes the modifier is misplaced, ambiguous, or not clearly pertaining to a noun or verb (a so-called dangling modifier). These problems can lead the reader to wonder what exactly you’re claiming.
MISPLACED: The ski-jumper looked sleek in his new suit weighing only 140 pounds.
CORRECT: The ski-jumper looked sleek wearing a new suit and weighing only 140 pounds.
The suit didn’t weigh 140 pounds (one hopes); the ski-jumper did.
AMBIGUOUS: When formal rules and day-to-day practices differ, they should be changed.
CLEAR: Formal rules should be changed to match day-to-day practices.
CLEAR: Day-to-day practices should be changed to match the formal rules.
In the first version, it’s not clear what should be changed. The two clear versions make it obvious what the author is arguing.
DANGLING: Walking down the street, the houses glowed pink in the sunset.
CORRECT: Walking down the street, she saw houses glowing pink in the sunset.
The first version suggests that the houses were walking down the street. The pronoun to which that first phrase refers (“she”) is missing. The second version corrects that by bringing in the needed pronoun.
Choosing the Correct Words
Some wrong-word errors that students use seem to be artifacts of the spell-checkers built into word-processing programs. Examples include “costumers” where students meant “customers,” “defiantly” instead of “definitely” and, somewhat comically, “martial” instead of “marital.”
Other wrong-word errors come from homonyms, two or more words that sound the same, such as the there/their/they’re or your/you’re errors. In college writing, another common one is the misuse of effect/affect. Use “effect” if you’re talking about the result of a cause as a noun, and “affect” if you mean influence or talking about emotion in psychology (in which case it’s pronounced AF-fect).
CORRECT: The effects of the conflict have been long-lasting.
CORRECT: The conflict has affected everyday life throughout the country.
CORRECT: Research shows that the presence of living plants impact both cognition and affect.
“Effect” can also be a verb, in which case it means to bring about:
CORRECT: The conflict effected major international policy changes.
That sentence says that the conflict brought about policy changes. If you wanted to say that the conflict influenced (but did not itself cause) policy changes, you would write that the conflict “affected” policy changes.
Inclusive Language
Words matter. They reflect the values and knowledge of people using them and can reinforce both negative and positive perceptions about others. Language is not neutral. Inclusive language acknowledges the unique values, skills, viewpoints, experiences, culture, abilities and experiences of individuals or groups.
Your use of inclusive language – how you speak, write, and visually represent others – is an important part of open education.
Aims
- Use gender-inclusive language.
- Use a diverse representation of pronouns, including gender-neutral pronouns such as them and they.
- Ensure that all references to people, groups, populations, categories, conditions and disabilities use the appropriate verbiage and do not contain any derogatory, colloquial, inappropriate, or otherwise incorrect language.
- For historical uses that should remain in place, consider adding context, such as “a widely used term at the time.” Ensure that quotations or paraphrases using outdated terms are attributed, contextualized, and limited. Consider why this term is necessary and whether a more inclusive term could be used instead.
Actions and Considerations
- Do not assume the gender of a person so as not to misgender them.
- If needed, explicitly state what pronouns an individual uses.
- Identify any outmoded or incorrect terminology and suggest the correct replacement or re-framing.
- For historical references, if needed insert context, attribution, and/or quotations.
- Since terminology changes regularly, and acceptability is not universal, do your best to identify and use the best terminology at the time. Make time to evaluate terminology and language.
- Pay attention to connotations and make sure that stereotypes are not perpetuated. If in doubt, ask for another opinion, preferably someone with lived experience or who is from an appropriate group/background.
- Use plain language. Avoid the use of jargon, metaphors or colloquialism.
Using Gender-Inclusive Language
It has been commonly accepted for many years that the use of “man” as a generic term excludes women and non-binary individuals. Words like “mankind” and “chairman” make people think “male” rather than “female” and render other genders invisible. The use of “man” or “men” and “woman” or “women” is an expression of binary language and doesn’t allow for people who don’t identify as male or female. Look for words that are non-binary and gender-neutral.
| Language and practices to avoid | Good practice inclusive language |
|---|---|
| man, mankind, spokesman, chairman, workmanship, man the desk/phones, manpower |
humans, humankind, spokesperson, chairperson, quality of work/skill, attend the desk/phone, workforce |
| The supervisor must give his approval | Supervisors must give their approval |
| girls in the office, woman doctor, male nurse, cleaning lady, female professor, actress |
office staff, doctor, nurse, cleaner, professor, actor |
| Good morning, ladies and gentlemen | Good morning, colleagues/everyone |
| The guys in the office will help | The staff in the office will help |
Table 1: Gender-neutral language
Look for non-binary pronouns so that misgendering doesn’t occur.
| Subject | Object | Possessive | Reflective |
|---|---|---|---|
| She | Her | Hers | Herself |
| He | Him | His | Himself |
| They | Them | Theirs | Themselves |
| Ze | Hir | Hir/Hirs | Hirself |
| Xe | Xem | Xyr/Xyrs | Xemself |
Table 2: Non-binary pronouns
Using “partner” or “spouse” rather than “husband/wife” or “girlfriend/ boyfriend” to describe relationships will include those in de facto or same-sex relationships.
Activity: Pronouns
Have a go at this interactive pronoun resource.
Find neutral, generic terms for occupations and job titles that recognize occupational diversity. It is appropriate to refer to a person’s gender when it is a significant factor, e.g. “first woman Prime Minister” or “first man to become nursing educator.” Where gender is irrelevant do not refer to it.
Additionally, stereotypes ignore the complexity of people’s lives. Women are often described as “wife of” or “mother of,” irrespective of their other roles, qualifications, expertise, or achievements. And again, reference to men or women, or mothers and fathers ignores people who don’t identify as male or female.
Titles of Address
Titles of address are now considered redundant when not linked to professional positions such as Professor, Doctor, Sister, or Senator. Titles such as “Mr.” and “Ms.” are no longer necessarily linked to a marital status like “Mrs.” and “Miss” and in professional arenas marital status is irrelevant. “Ms.” is widely used for women regardless of marital status but, rather than misgendering a person, it is better to be consistent and not use gendered titles. “Mx.” is a gender-neutral non-profession/qualification-related title that is also used. Where possible confirm with the individual their preferred title of address.
Inclusive Language for People with a Disability
People with a disability are individuals who don’t want to be pitied, feared, or ignored, or to be seen as somehow more heroic, courageous, patient, or “special” than others. Avoid using the term “normal” when comparing people with disabilities to people without disabilities. Remember, people with a disability are “disabled” to the degree that the physical or social environment does not accommodate their disability or health condition.
If possible, find out how the individual refers to their disability – assuming reference to their disability is relevant. For example, some people may refer to themselves as “blind” while others prefer “vision impaired.” This may also be the case for people who are deaf or hard of hearing. Other preferred terms are people “with” or a person “who has” a particular disability or health condition.
Avoid terms that define the disability as a limitation, such as “confined to a wheelchair.” A wheelchair liberates; it doesn’t confine. Words like “victim” or “sufferer” can be dehumanizing and emphasize powerlessness for people who have or have had a disability or health condition. Additionally, terms like “deformed,” “handicapped,” “able-bodied,” “physically challenged,” “crippled,” “differently-abled,” and “sufferer” are not acceptable.
When writing about people with disabilities, the APA’s Inclusive Language Guide recommends the following approaches:
- Person-first
- Identify-first
Person-first language focuses on the person and puts less emphasis on the disability or diagnosis. For example:
- A person who uses a wheelchair
- A person who uses a walking cane
Identity-first language places emphasis on the disability. Some individual and groups may prefer identity-first language since they view their disability as an important part of their identity. For example:
- Wheelchair user
- A blind person
Always ask the person or group you are writing to identify their preference. This will ensure that you do not offend or alienate your audience.
Image by Suburp used under a CC-BY-NC-ND license
Inclusive Language for Racialized Communities or Groups
Before you write about or mention an individual’s identity, always confirm how they identify first. A person’s race should only be mentioned if it is relevant. For example, “This week will discuss civil rights activist Dr Martin Luther King Jr. who is remembered as one of the most influential and inspirational African American leaders in history.”
Terms such as “minority” or “colored person” are outdated terms. Instead, consider using the following, depending on the context:
- racialized person or group
- member of a racialized community
- traditionally minoritized person or group
- equity-deserving group
| Insensitive Language | Suggested Alternatives | Notes |
| Caucasian | white people, European/European American | In reality, there is no biological “race”. The term Caucasian was created as a way to make white supremacy scientifically justifiable. For more information, see Is the Word Caucasian Racist?
|
| colored, blacks
|
Black people, African American person, Person/People of Color, or use country-of-origin specific language, such as Nigerian American, Kenyan American, South African American, etc. | The word Black (as an adjective) is generally acceptable. Never use Black as a noun, either singular or plural.
Note that not all Black people may identify with these terms.
|
| Hispanic, Chicano, Latino
|
Chicanx/a/o, Latinx/a/o, Person/People of Color, or use country-of-origin specific language, such as Mexican/Mexican American, El Salvadorian/El Salvadorian American, Chilean/Chilean American, etc.
|
The term “Hispanic” may be offensive to some because it focuses only on Spanish-colonizer (white) heritage while ignoring Indigenous heritage. “Chicano” and “Latino” are male-gendered terms; “x” is more inclusive of all genders.
Note that not all Latinx people may identify with these terms.
|
| Orientals
|
Asian people, Asian American individuals, Person/People of Color, or use a specific country-of-origin specific language, such as Korean/Korean American, Vietnamese/Vietnamese American, Chinese/Chinese American, etc.
|
The term “Oriental” is outdated and is associated with a period in U.S. history when people from East Asia had subordinate status in society.
Note that not all Asian people may identify with these terms.
|
|
Indian (as in the original inhabitants of North America)
Eskimo
|
Indigenous person, Native American, American Indian, or use tribe-specific language, such as Apache, Sioux, Akimel O’odham, etc.
Inuit |
The term “Indian” was a misnomer from the start as Italian explorer/colonizer Christopher Columbus believed he had reached Asia (India, specifically) when he had actually landed in the Bahamas.
“Eskimo” was a term created by colonizers to refer to the Inuit people; it is considered offensive. Note that not all Indigenous people may identify with these terms.
|
| Foreigners, illegal aliens | newcomers, refugees, immigrants |
Avoid dehumanizing or othering language.
|
| Ghetto, inner-city | Use the name of the neighborhood or area. If appropriate, use neutral terms such as city center or central urban.
If referring to low-income neighborhoods, use words such as under-resourced, under-served, or low-income.
|
|
| slave master, slave owner
|
enslaver | Human beings cannot be “owned.” The verb “enslave” helps bring attention to the horrific acts involved in enslavement.
|
| slave; slavery
|
enslaved person; enslavement | The term “slave” reduces a person to a position they never chose to be in. It can also strip the person from their human identity. Continuing to use terms such as slave, slavery and slave master normalizes the enslavement as a state of being.
|
Inclusive Language Resources
To help authors write in ways that are inclusive and respectful of diversity, most style guides now include guidelines for inclusive and bias-free language. For example:
-
- Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association contains general principles for reducing bias, as well as bias-free language guidelines for writing about:
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- Other resources
Use Plain Language
When we use lingo or acronyms that are not commonly understood by others we are automatically excluding them. Additionally, metaphors may be confusing for English as Second Language learners as well as people with autism. In order to be more inclusive avoid the use of lingo and metaphors. Keeping it simple is the key to good writing.
The Hemingway Editor is an excellent resource to test the readability of your work. The app highlights lengthy, complex sentences and common errors for you to address.
Key Takeaway
This chapter does not (and could not) provide a complete run-down of formal English language usage. You would do well to bookmark a couple good reference sources to consult when questions arise. If your writing usually has a lot of errors in it, don’t despair. Identify one or two practices to master and then learn them, using the feedback from your instructors as a guide. No one writes flawlessly all the time. But over the course of a few semesters, you can certainly produce more precise text that presents your ideas in their best light.
For additional grammatical concepts and editing strategies, please review the following resources:
Editing for Style
Tone, Voice and Point of View
Yo! Wassup?
Hey, how you doin’?
Hello, how are you today?
Which of the above greetings sounds most formal? Which sounds the most informal? What causes the change in tone?
Your voice can’t actually be heard when you write, but it can be conveyed through the words you choose, the order in which you place them, and the point of view from which you write. When you decide to write something for a specific audience, you often know instinctively what tone of voice will be most appropriate for that audience: serious, professional, funny, friendly, neutral, etc.
What is point of view, and how do I know which one to use?
Point of view can be tricky, so this is a good question. Point of view is the perspective from which you’re writing, and it dictates your focus. Consider the following examples:
I love watching the leaves change in the fall. (First-person point of view (POV))
You will love watching the leaves change color. (Second-person POV)
The leaves in fall turn many vibrant colors. (Third-person POV)
Which of the above sentences focuses most clearly on the leaves? Third-person point of view, right? The first-person sentence focuses on what “I” love and the second person sentence focuses on what “you” will love.
- First-person POV uses the following pronouns: I, me, my, us, we, myself, our, ours…. Any words that include the speaker/writer turn the sentence into first person.
- Second-person POV uses any form of the word “you,” which has the effect of addressing the reader.
- Third-person POV uses pronouns like he, she, it, they, them…. Any words that direct the reader to a person or thing that is not the writer or reader turn the sentence into third person.
That’s a lot to think about. When is it okay to use each of these points of view?
Figure 8.1 Points of View
Many of your college instructors will ask you to write in third person only and will want you to avoid first or second person. Why do you think that is? One important reason is that third-person point of view focuses on a person or topic outside yourself or the reader, making it the most professional, academic, and objective way to write. The goal of third-person point of view is to remove personal, subjective bias from your writing, at least in theory. Most of the writing you will do in college will require you to focus on ideas, people, and issues outside yourself, so third person will be the most appropriate. This point of view also helps your readers stay focused on the topic instead of thinking about you or themselves.
The best answer to your question is that the point of view you choose to write in will depend on your audience and purpose. If your goal is to relate to your audience in a personal way about a topic that you have experience with, then it may be appropriate to use first person point of view to share your experience and connect with your audience.
The least commonly used point of view is second person, especially in academic writing, because most of the time you will not know your audience well enough to write directly to them. The exception is if you’re writing a letter or directing your writing to a very specific group whom you know well. (Notice that we are using second-person POV in this paragraph to directly address you. We feel okay about doing this because we want you to do specific things, and we have a pretty good idea who our audience is: reading and writing students.)
The danger of using second-person POV is that this point of view can implicate readers in your topic when you don’t mean to do that. If you’re talking about crime rates in your city, and you write something like, “When you break into someone’s house, this affects their property value,” you are literally saying that the reader breaks into people’s houses. Of course, that’s not what you mean. You didn’t intend to implicate the readers this way, but that’s one possible consequence of using second person. In other words, you might accidentally say that readers have done something that they haven’t or know, feel, or believe something that they don’t.
The following video demonstrates how to find “you” (the second-person POV) and revise it in your draft.
Pro Tip
Does anything else affect the tone of my writing?
Yes! Many times, writers are so focused on the ideas they want to convey that they forget the importance of something they may never think about: sentence variety. The length of your sentences matters. If you start every sentence with the same words, readers may get bored. If all of your sentences are short and choppy, your writing may sound unsophisticated or rushed. Some short sentences are nice though. They help readers’ brains catch up. This is a lot to think about while you’re writing your first draft though, so we recommend saving this concern for your second or third draft.
For some examples and exercises on sentence variety, visit the Purdue OWL page, Variation – Purdue OWL® – Purdue University
Clarity and Concision
Writing guides, especially those targeted at college students, offer excellent advice on sentence construction and word choice. However, many student writers get hung up on sentence-level expression, thinking that only elegant, erudite sentences will earn top grades. Or worse, some students assume they’ll never produce strong papers if they do not already have some kind of inborn gift for wordsmithing. While it is true that some people can produce extraordinarily elegant and graceful prose, it is also true that anyone can learn to write effectively in ways that will persuade and satisfy readers. Producing and reading elegant writing is a pleasure, but what really matters in academic writing is precision.
The best way to achieve clarity and concision in writing is to separate the drafting process from the revision process. Highly effective writers routinely produce vague, tortuous, and bloated drafts, and are happy to do so. It usually means they’re onto an interesting idea.
Similarly, writers often write the same idea three or four different ways as they’re getting their thoughts down on paper. That’s fine. In fact, that’s better than fine because each repetition helps to develop key ideas and alternative approaches to the argument.
A snarly first draft is often a great achievement. The next step is taking the time to develop relevant ideas and make them clear to the reader. For that reason, the following section is written as though someone has already cranked out a very rough draft and is now in the process of revising for clarity and concision.
Revising for clarity: who did what to whom?
What makes a complex line of thinking easy to follow? Readers experience writing as clear when the “character” of a sentence is also its grammatical subject and the key “action” is a grammatical verb. Consider this fanciful example:
Once upon a time, as a walk through the woods was taking place on the part of Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump out from behind a tree caused her fright.
Grammatically, the subject of the first part is “a walk through the woods,” and the verb is “taking place.” The character, though, is obviously Little Red Riding Hood and the action is walking. A much more straightforward version—“As Little Red Riding Hood walked through the woods”—makes the character the subject and the action the key verb. That example goes out of its way to be silly.
Compare the following sentences:
A) There is fear among students that there will be fewer class sections offered by the university.
B) Students fear that the university will offer fewer class sections.
While sentence A is a complete sentence, it is not as clear and direct as sentence B. In sentence B, the characters (e.g., students and university) are the subjects of their clauses; their actions (e.g., fear and will offer) are the verbs.
Revising for concision
Every word and sentence should be doing significant work for the paper as a whole. Sometimes that work is more to provide pleasure than meaning—you needn’t ruthlessly eliminate every rhetorical flourish—but everything in the final version should add something unique to the paper.
As with clarity, the benefits of concision are intellectual as well as stylistic: revising for concision forces writers to make deliberate decisions about the claims they want to make and their reasons for making them.
Effortful thinking is something most people naturally try to avoid most of the time. It’s both arduous and anxiety provoking to go beyond existing knowledge and assumptions to venture into unknown territory. In some ways, too, the traditional structure of education conditions students to approach papers as blanks to be filled rather than open-ended problems to explore.
When students actively avoid concision, it’s often because they want to avoid the hard thinking concision requires, they assume that writing is all about expressing opinions rather than undertaking a rigorous thought process, or they fear that they can’t adequately perform and communicate an ambitious analysis.
Many writing guides describe editing strategies that produce a vivid, satisfying concision. Most of the advice boils down to three key moves:
- Look for words and phrases that you can cut entirely. Look for bits that are redundant: (“each and every,” “unexpected surprise,” “predictions about the future”), meaningless (“very unique,” “certain factors,” “slightly terrifying”), or clichéd (“as far as the eye can see,” or “long march of time”).
- Look for opportunities to replace longer phrases with shorter phrases or words. For example, “the way in which” can often be replaced by “how” and “despite the fact that” can usually be replaced by “although.” Strong, precise verbs can often replace bloated phrases. Consider this example: “The goal of Alexander the Great was to create a united empire across a vast distance.” And compare it to this: “Alexander the Great sought to unite a vast empire.”
- Try to rearrange sentences or passages to make them shorter and livelier. Consider changing negatives to affirmatives. Consider the negatives in this sentence: “School nurses often do not notice if a young schoolchild does not have adequate food at home.” You could more concisely and clearly write, “School nurses rarely notice if a young schoolchild lacks adequate food at home.” It says the same thing but is much easier to read, which makes for a happier and more engaged reader.
Good parallelism can also help you write shorter text that better conveys your thinking. For example, Stacy Schiff writes this in her best-selling biography of Cleopatra:
A goddess as a child, a queen at eighteen, a celebrity soon thereafter, she was an object of speculation and veneration, gossip and legend, even in her own time.
Imagine if, instead, Schiff wrote this:
Cleopatra was seen as divine when she was a child. She became the sovereign ruler at eighteen, and she became well known throughout the ancient world early in her reign. People speculated about her, worshipped her, gossiped about her, and told legends about her, even in her own time.
The second version says the same thing, but the extra words tend to obscure Schiff’s point. The original (“goddess as a child, queen at eighteen, celebrity soon thereafter”) effectively uses parallelism to vividly convey the dramatic shifts in Cleopatra’s roles and her prominence in the ancient world.
For additional strategies on making your writing clear and concise, consider using the Paramedic Method described at Paramedic Method – Purdue OWL® – Purdue University
Key Takeaway
The goal of concise writing is to use the most effective words. Concise writing does not always have the fewest words, but it always uses the strongest ones.
Exercise 8.1 – Clarity and Concision
Rewrite these passages to make the “characters” the grammatical subjects and the key “actions” the verbs. That is, make them clearer.
- The scarcity of research funds for nutritional scientists means that offers by food companies to fund such research may be especially attractive. The implicit pressure to shape the language of the findings to avoid alienation between scholars and companies is worrisome to consider.
- While educational experiences are an obvious benefit of tribal colleges, the needs tribal communities have for economic development, cultural vitality, and social ties are also addressed by educational institutions.
Take these straightforward passages and make them less clear without changing the meaning. Turn verbs into nouns and make subjects into objects.
- “Statisticians prepared to use spatial models need to keep the role of the models in perspective. When scientific interest centers on the large-scale effects, the idea is to use a few extra small-scale parameters so that the large-scale parameters are estimated more efficiently.
- “Social scientists will be led astray if they accept the lies organizations tell about themselves. If, instead, they look for places where the stories told don’t hold up, for the events and activities those speaking for the organization ignore, cover up, or explain away, they will find a wealth of things to include in the body of material from which they construct their definitions.”
Exercise 8.2 – Revising for Clarity
- Select one page of your essay and identify all the “to be” verbs: am, is, are, was, were, has/have/had been, being, to be, would/will/could be, became, become. To be verbs identify a state of being, not action. If you can replace to be verbs with action verbs, your writing will have more power and impact.
- Select another page of your essay and identify vague language such as: thing(s), this, that, it, these, really, kind of, might, and could. Replace vague words with specific descriptions, so your readers are not left to fill in the meaning for themselves.
- Revise wordy sentences so they are concise by cutting unnecessary words that bury your ideas. For example:
Wordy: Martel is saying through Pi that he would not have stayed alive if it was not for the animals that kept him going every day and for the faith he had in God.
Concise: Martel is saying that Pi’s faith in God and the animals kept him going.
Powerful: Martel argues that faith and belief in the unbelievable give people the strength to endure unimaginable hardships.
The following video will walk you through some of these editing exercises:
Exercise 8.3 – Revising for Style
Perform the following exercises on your most recent draft.
Syntactic Variety. Vary the number of words in each sentence. Short sentences pack punch. Longer sentences tend to draw your reader into your ideas and can tend to get confusing especially if they are really long and don’t really have a point because your reader will get tired from reading really long and repetitive sentences like this one or are misspelled and have the wrong punctuation.
- Choose 1-2 paragraphs and count how many words are in each sentence.
- Note the number of words in each sentence like this. (10)
- Play around with the art of language and see how many different ways you can combine sentences to create your own writing style (within reason of convention, of course!).
Look for Repetition. Is there a word you use multiple times in a sentence or paragraph? If you use the same word multiple times in a sentence, or even in a paragraph, your reader can easily get distracted by the repetition of the same word multiple times. Read through your essay for frequently repeated words; either revise them out or come up with an alternative.
Note: if you use a thesaurus, make sure you know the definition and connotation of the new word! All synonyms are not created equal!
For additional strategies on how to identify wordiness in your sentences, paragraphs, and essays and write more concisely, please review the following sources:
Final Editing Checklists
In addition to practicing proof-reading and editing strategies, it is also a good idea to create a checklist of common errors that many writers make. Below is a general checklist for the final editing stage of a paper. Any assignment will have additional specific requirements, and those should be found on the assignment sheet.
The following is a general checklist for ensuring general submission readiness:
Final Editing Checklist
- Document Format. Is your paper laid out in the formatting that the assignment requires? (MLA, APA, etc.). If you are not sure of how to meet the formatting guidelines, Google can help. There is a plethora of information out there about how to format documents, and image searches can give you a visual example.
- Spacing. Almost all of the papers that you write in college will require double spacing throughout. Have you checked to be sure that your paper is double spaced without any additional spaces after the header, the title, or any body paragraph?
- Indentations. Indenting a new paragraph is a rhetorical move that signals to the reader that you are beginning a new idea in a new paragraph. You can hit tab at the beginning of each paragraph to indent.
- Thesis. Is your thesis at the end of the introduction? Does it directly respond to the assignment question?
- Transition phrasing. Have you used transitional phrases at the beginning of new body paragraphs (except for the very first paragraph to follow the intro) to help guide the reader from one idea to the next?
- Source integration. Are you carefully introducing all source material that you have quoted, paraphrased, or summarized? When you cite, are your citations formatted according to the style guide required by the assignment?
- Works Cited/References. Even if you have used only one source in the paper, you must include a Works Cited (MLA) or References (APA) page. Is your Works Cited or References in alphabetical order by the first letter in the work that you are referencing? Is the Works Cited or References formatted according to what the assignment requires (MLA, APA, etc.)?
- Grammar check. Have you gone through the essay to ensure that you’ve corrected spelling or wording errors?
You can also use the following guiding questions to finish your editing process:
Editing Checklist
- Are there any grammar errors, i.e. have you been consistent in your use of tense, do your pronouns agree?
- Do you rely on strong verbs and nouns and maintain a good balance with adjectives and adverbs, using them to enhance descriptions but ensuring clear sentences?
- Are your words as accurate as possible?
- Are there extra words or clichés in your sentences that you can delete?
- Do you vary your sentence structure?
- If you’re writing an academic essay, have you tried to be objective in your evidence and tone? If writing a personal essay, is the narrative voice lively and interesting?
- Have you spellchecked your paper?
- If you used sources, have you consistently documented all of the sources’ ideas and information using a standard documentation style?
Interactive Editing Checklist
The Editing Checklist found below will help you focus on some key issues as you edit. There are two versions of it at Editing Checklist – Excelsior OWL. The first is a printable PDF version, and the second is an interactive PDF version. In some browsers, you may need to download or save this file to be able to use all of its functionality.
- Have I checked to make sure the spell checker did not change any words to words I did not intend to write?
- Have I looked closely at my sentences to see if any words are missing?
- Did I review the rules for commas before editing for commas?
- Did I review other rules for punctuation before editing for punctuation?
- Is there something missing anywhere? Are all of my sentences complete?
- Did I include citations for all of my borrowed information?
- Have I tried reading my essay in reverse, from the last sentence, to help see each sentence on its own?
- Have I tried reading my essay out loud to see how it sounds?
Now that you have carefully proofread and edited your draft for grammar and style and eliminated any errors that may have weakened the essay’s message or undermined its credibility, you are ready to share your writing with readers. At this stage of the writing process, you may explore various ways of getting feedback before you turn in the final draft.
Attributions
“Revising for Clarity: Characters and their Actions” by Sarah Kang is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 3.0
“Clarity and Concision” by Brittany Seay is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
“Tone, Voice, and Point of View” by Monique Babin, Carol Burnell, Susan Pesznecker, Nicole Rosevear, and Jaime Wood is licensed underCC BY-NC-SA 4.0
“Getting the Mechanics Right” by Brittany Seay is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Image Credits
Figure 8.1: “Magnifying Glass” by Open Icons on Pixabay
Figure 8.2: “Tone, Voice, and Point of View” by Monique Babin, Carol Burnell, Susan Pesznecker, Nicole Rosevear, and Jaime Wood is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Grammar Image by PDPics from Pixabay
Walk Away by Eddie Paintings on DeviantArt is licensed under CC BY 3.0
