Compare/Contrast
CHAPTER DESCRIPTION
- Defines the purpose and structure of the compare-and-contrast essay
- Includes a professional and student writing example
Introduction to Compare/Contrast
To compare two subjects is to point out their similarities.
Mardi Gras celebrations in both New Orleans and Mamou involve a sense of revelry. There are elaborate costumes and festive parades. The partying represents a last burst of irreverence before the more solemn Ash Wednesday.
To contrast two subjects is to point out their differences.
Mardi Gras in New Orleans features parades with huge, elaborate floats put on by “royalty” of Krewes; in Mamou, on the other hand, Mardi Gras revelers travel on horseback from house to house begging for ingredients for a communal gumbo.
In this module, you will develop your skills in compare-and-contrast writing.
The Purpose of a Compare/Contrast Essay
Comparison in writing discusses elements that are similar, while contrast in writing discusses elements that are different. A compare-and-contrast essay, then, analyzes two subjects by comparing them, contrasting them, or both.
The key to a good compare-and-contrast essay is to choose two or more subjects that connect in a meaningful way. The purpose of conducting the comparison or contrast is not to state the obvious but rather to illuminate subtle differences or unexpected similarities. For example, if you wanted to focus on contrasting two subjects you would not pick apples and oranges; rather, you might choose to compare and contrast two types of oranges or two types of apples to highlight subtle differences. For example, Red Delicious apples are sweet, while Granny Smiths are tart and acidic. Drawing distinctions between elements in a similar category will increase the audience’s understanding of that category, which is the purpose of the compare-and-contrast essay.
Similarly, to focus on comparison, choose two subjects that seem at first to be unrelated. For a comparison essay, you likely would not choose two apples or two oranges because they share so many of the same properties already. Rather, you might try to compare how apples and oranges are quite similar. For example, both apples and oranges are sweet and similar in size, weight, and shape. They are both grown in orchards, and both may be eaten or juiced. The more divergent the two subjects initially seem, the more interesting a comparison essay will be.
The Structure of a Compare/Contrast Essay
The Thesis Statement
The compare-and-contrast essay starts with a thesis that clearly states the two subjects that are to be compared, contrasted, or both and the reason for doing so. The thesis could lean more toward comparing, contrasting, or both. Remember, the point of comparing and contrasting is to provide useful knowledge to the reader. Take the following thesis as an example that leans more toward contrasting:
Thesis Statement: Organic vegetables may cost more than those that are conventionally grown, but when put to the test, they are definitely worth every extra penny.
Here the thesis sets up the two subjects to be compared and contrasted (organic versus conventional vegetables), and it makes a claim about the results that might prove useful to the reader.
The thesis may answer questions like:
- Why am I comparing these two things?
- What did I learn from the comparison?
- Is one of the two subjects better than the other?
Your thesis should make the reason for your comparison very obvious.
You might try this formula for writing your thesis statement:
Subject 1 + Subject 2 + Indication of similarity or difference + Claim = Thesis statement
Example: “The Voice” and “American Idol” are both singing competition shows, but “American Idol” is the original and still the best.
The thesis statement is generally found at the end of the introduction paragraph, after the two topics have been introduced.
Organization
One way in which a compare/contrast essay is different from other rhetorical modes we’ve discussed is that you have two options for how you structure your essay.
You can structure your essay in:
- Subject-by-subject (also called “one side at a time”)
- Point-by-point
To better understand each structure, let’s take an example of each. Imagine that we are going to write an essay that compares two popular stores, Wal-Mart and Target. In the essay, we’ll discuss the prices, the customer service, and the quality of goods at each store.
First, let’s see an example of subject-by-subject: Essentially, write a separate body about each subject, but you discuss the same supporting points for both subjects.
I. Introduction: Wal-Mart vs. Target
II. Wal-Mart
- Prices
- Customer Service
- Quality of Goods
III. Target
- Prices
- Customer Service
- Quality of Goods
IV. Conclusion
Notice that the body of the essay is essentially divided in half. Also notice that the same three supporting points are discussed in each half and in the same order. This gives the essay a really clear organization.
Next, let’s see an example of point-by-point: Instead of organizing the essay by the two subjects, we will organize the essay by the three supporting points. In each section, first make a point about one subject, then follow it with a comparable point about the other.
I. Introduction: Wal-Mart vs. Target
II. Prices
- Wal-Mart
- Target
III. Customer Service
- Wal-Mart
- Target
IV. Quality of Goods
- Wal-Mart
- Target
V. Conclusion
Notice that in this method, there is more interaction between the two subjects. Each point that you make about Wal-Mart is directly followed by the same point about Target.
The organizational structure you choose depends on the nature of the topic, your purpose, and your audience. Generally, subject-by-subject structure may be best for essays that emphasize comparison, while point-by-point structure may suit essays that focus on contrast. However, this is a guideline, not a rule.
Signal Phrases
Given that compare-and-contrast essays analyze the relationship between two subjects, it is helpful to have some phrases on hand that will cue the reader to such analysis.
Phrases of Comparison:
one similarity another similarity both
like likewise similarly in a similar fashion
Phrases of Contrast:
one difference another difference conversely
in contrast unlike while whereas
Using these phrases throughout your essay will serve as reminders to the reader that you are comparing and contrasting your two subjects. They will keep the essay focused on the task at hand.
Writing a Compare/Contrast Essay
First, choose whether you want to compare seemingly disparate subjects, contrast seemingly similar subjects, or compare and contrast subjects. Spend some time freewriting or listing to develop some ideas you can explore in an essay. (Refer back to the chapter on invention for more strategies to get started.)
Once you have decided on an idea, introduce it with an engaging opening paragraph. Your thesis should come at the end of the introduction, and it should establish the subjects you will compare, contrast, or both. It should also state what can be learned from doing so.
Next, write an outline of your essay. Choose between subject-by-subject or point-by-point structure. You might try writing two outlines, one using each structure option, to see which one you like better.
The organizing strategy that you choose will depend on, as always, your audience and your purpose. You may also consider your particular approach to the subjects as well as the nature of the subjects themselves; some subjects might better lend themselves to one structure or the other.
Now, following the structure you’ve established in your outline, write the body paragraphs. Start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Make sure to use comparison and contrast phrases to cue the reader to the ways in which you are analyzing the relationship between the subjects.
Wrap up your essay with a short conclusion paragraph. Summarize the main points. Restate the point of the comparison that you are making.
As you read through the sample essays in this chapter, watch out for signal phrases that indicate comparison and contrasting. Also notice the organization; are the essays using subject-by-subject or point-by-point organization?
Professional Example
By Allison Howard – Peace Corps Volunteer: South Africa (2003–2005)
It’s a Saturday afternoon in January in South Africa. When I begin the 45-minute walk to the shops for groceries, I can hear thunder cracking in the distance up the mountain in Mageobaskloof. But at 4 p.m. the sky is still light and bright and I am sure—famous last words—I will be fine without an umbrella.
Just the basics: eggs, bread, Diet Coke in a bag slung into the crook of my elbow. Halfway from town, two black South African women—domestic workers in the homes of white Afrikaner families—stop me with wide smiles. They know me; I’m the only white person in town who walks everywhere, as they do. They chatter quickly in northern Sotho: “Missus, you must go fast. Pula e tla na! The rain, it comes!” They like me, and it feels very important to me that they do. “Yebo, yebo, mma,” I say—Yes, it’s true—and I hurry along in flip-flops, quickening my pace, feeling good about our brief but neighborly conversation. These are Venda women.
My black South African friends tell me it’s easy to tell a Venda from a Shangaan from a Xhosa from a Pedi. “These ones from Venda, they have wide across the nose and high in the cheekbones,” they say. But I don’t see it; I’m years away from being able to distinguish the nuances of ethnicity. Today, I know these women are Vendas simply because of their clothing: bright stripes of green and yellow and black fabric tied at one shoulder and hanging quite like a sack around their bodies. They’ve already extended a kindness to me by speaking in northern Sotho. It’s not their language but they know I don’t speak a word of Afrikaans (though they don’t understand why; Afrikaans is the language of white people). They know I struggle with Sotho and they’re trying to help me learn. So they speak Sotho to me and they’re delighted and amused by my fumbling responses. And I am, quite simply, delighted by their delight.
The Venda ladies are right: the rain, it comes. Lightly at first, and by habit I begin trotting to hurry my way home. Just a little rain at first and there are plenty of us out in it. I can see others up ahead on the street and others still just leaving the shops to get back before the real rain begins.
The people who are walking along this swath of tar road are black. Black people don’t live in this neighborhood—or in my town at all, for the most part. They work and board here as domestic workers, nannies, gardeners. Their families live in black townships and rural villages—some just outside of my town; others far away, in places like Venda.
Today, we’re walking together in the rain, and I’m quickening my pace because—after all, it’s raining. That’s what you do in the rain. And even though it’s coming down noticeably harder, it’s 80 degrees and I’m not cold, I’m just wet. My hair is stuck to my forehead and my T-shirt is soaked…and I’m the only one running for cover. And I think: So what? It’s just water and in the middle of the January summer, it’s warm, refreshing water. Why run? Why do we run from the rain?
In my life back in the United States, I might run because I was carrying a leather handbag, or because I wore an outfit that shouldn’t get wet. I would run because rain dishevels and messes things up. Mostly though, we run because we just do; it’s a habit. I’ve done it a hundred times: running to my car or the subway station with a newspaper sheltering my head. I have never not quickened my pace in the rain until today.
It took all of my 27 years and a move to Africa, where I don’t have a leather handbag to shelter or a pretty outfit to protect. I’m wearing an old cotton skirt and a T-shirt, and I’m drenched, and I love it. I learn things here in the most ordinary circumstances. And I feel like a smarter, better woman today because I got groceries in the rain.
But on the long walk home, positively soaked and smiling like a fool, I notice a car pulling over and a man yelling in Afrikaans to get in, get in. I look in the direction I’ve come from and several meters behind me is a woman with a baby tied to her back and an elderly man carrying bags, leading a young boy by the hand. On the road ahead, a woman about my age carries a parcel wrapped in plastic, balanced precariously on her head. There are maybe 20 people walking with me in my reverie of rain and they are black. And the man in the car is white and he’s gesturing frantically for me to get in. Why me? Why not the others? Because I’m white and it’s about race. Everything is about race here.
This man in the car is trying to do something kind and neighborly. He wants to help me and his gesture is right, but his instincts are so wrong. How do you resent someone who is, for no benefit of his own, trying to help? But I do. I resent him and I resent the world he lives in that taught him such selective kindness. This whole event unravels in a few seconds’ time. He’s leaned over and opened the car door, urging me in…and I get in. And we speed past my fellow walkers and he drops me at my doorstep before I have time to think of anything besides giving him directions.
It feels like a mistake because I’m ashamed to think what the Venda women would have felt if he’d ignored them and they had watched me climb into that car. In some ways, the whole episode seems absurd. I’m not going to atone for 400 years of South African history by walking with black people in the rain. If I’d refused his ride, he wouldn’t have thought anything besides the fact that I was certifiably crazy. That’s the thing about being here: I’m not going to change anything. But I believe it matters in some infinitesimal way that people like the Venda women, and the dozens of people who may walk alongside me on any given day, know that I’m there. In black South African culture it is polite to greet every person you pass. That’s what they do, so I do it, too. On the occasional morning, someone might greet me as “sesi,” sister. I have to believe that matters; I know it matters to me.
I was disappointed in myself for getting into the car because I acted according to the same habit that makes us think rain an inconvenience. Just as we run from the rain, I hopped into that car because I’m supposed to. Conventionally, it makes sense. But convention compels us to do so many things that don’t make any sense at all. Convention misinforms our instincts. And in a larger sense, it is convention that propels Afrikaner culture anachronistically into the future. Ten years after the supposed end of apartheid, I’m living in a world of institutionalized racism. Convention becomes institution—and it’s oppressive and it’s unjust. I know that if I’m going to make it here for two more years, I need to walk in the rain. It’s a small, wasted gesture, but it’s an uncorrupted instinct that makes me feel human.
So much about living here feels like that fraction of a second when the Afrikaner man was appealing to my conventional sensibilities and the people on the street were appealing to my human instincts. It may feel unnatural to reject those sensibilities just as, at first, it feels unnatural to walk in the rain. But if I lose a hold on my instincts here, I’ll fail myself and I’ll fail to achieve those tiny things that matter so much. It’s simple and it’s small; and it’s everything. Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Indeed. Let it rain.
Discussion Questions
- Locate the author’s thesis—what is it?
- How is the essay structured? Is it using subject-by-subject or point-by-point structure? How can you tell?
- What “points for comparison” does the author use?
- How does the author go beyond the obvious similarities and differences to interesting ideas and insights?
Comparing and Contrasting London and Washington, DC
By Scott McLean in Writing for Success
Both Washington, DC, and London are capital cities of English-speaking countries, and yet they offer vastly different experiences to their residents and visitors. Comparing and contrasting the two cities based on their history, their culture, and their residents show how different and similar the two are.
Both cities are rich in world and national history, though they developed on very different time lines. London, for example, has a history that dates back over two thousand years. It was part of the Roman Empire and known by the similar name, Londinium. It was not only one of the northernmost points of the Roman Empire but also the epicenter of the British Empire where it held significant global influence from the early sixteenth century on through the early twentieth century. Washington, DC, on the other hand, has only formally existed since the late eighteenth century. Though Native Americans inhabited the land several thousand years earlier, and settlers inhabited the land as early as the sixteenth century, the city did not become the capital of the United States until the 1790s. From that point onward to today, however, Washington, DC, has increasingly maintained significant global influence. Even though both cities have different histories, they have both held, and continue to hold, significant social influence in the economic and cultural global spheres.
Both Washington, DC, and London offer a wide array of museums that harbor many of the world’s most prized treasures. While Washington, DC, has the National Gallery of Art and several other Smithsonian galleries, London’s art scene and galleries have a definite edge in this category. From the Tate Modern to the British National Gallery, London’s art ranks among the world’s best. This difference and advantage has much to do with London and Britain’s historical depth compared to that of the United States. London has a much richer past than Washington, DC, and consequently has a lot more material to pull from when arranging its collections. Both cities have thriving theater districts, but again, London wins this comparison, too, both in quantity and quality of theater choices. With regard to other cultural places like restaurants, pubs, and bars, both cities are very comparable. Both have a wide selection of expensive, elegant restaurants as well as a similar amount of global and national chains. While London may be better known for its pubs and taste in beer, DC offers a different bar-going experience. With clubs and pubs that tend to stay open later than their British counterparts, the DC night life tends to be less reserved overall.
Both cities also share and differ in cultural diversity and cost of living. Both cities share a very expensive cost of living—both in terms of housing and shopping. A downtown one-bedroom apartment in DC can easily cost $1,800 per month, and a similar “flat” in London may double that amount. These high costs create socioeconomic disparity among the residents. Although both cities’ residents are predominantly wealthy, both have a significantly large population of poor and homeless. Perhaps the most significant difference between the resident demographics is the racial makeup. Washington, DC, is a “minority majority” city, which means the majority of its citizens are races other than white. In 2009, according to the US Census, 55 percent of DC residents were classified as “Black or African American” and 35 percent of its residents were classified as “white.” London, by contrast, has very few minorities—in 2006, 70 percent of its population was “white,” while only 10 percent was “black.” The racial demographic differences between the cities is drastic.
Even though Washington, DC, and London are major capital cities of English-speaking countries in the Western world, they have many differences along with their similarities. They have vastly different histories, art cultures, and racial demographics, but they remain similar in their cost of living and socioeconomic disparity.
Discussion Questions
- How is the essay organized? Subject-by-subject? Point-by-point? How can you tell?
- Find the thesis. How is it phrased to introduce comparison and contrast?
- How are the two cities similar?
- How are the two cities different?
- Overall, is this essay emphasizing the similarities or the differences between the two cities?
Your Turn
Choose one of the following options:
Option 1
Brainstorm an essay that leans toward contrast. Choose one of the following three categories. Pick two examples from each. Then come up with one similarity and three differences between the examples.
- Romantic comedies
- Internet search engines
- Cell phones
Option 2
Brainstorm an essay that leans toward comparison. Choose one of the following three items. Then come up with one difference and three similarities.
- Department stores and discount retail stores
- Fast-food chains and fine dining restaurants
- Dogs and cats
Key Terms
- Comparison
- Contrast
- Thesis
- Similarities
- Differences
Summary
- A compare-and-contrast essay analyzes two subjects by either comparing them, contrasting them, or both.
The purpose of writing a comparison or contrast essay is not to state the obvious but rather to illuminate subtle differences or unexpected similarities between two subjects. - The thesis should clearly state the subjects that are to be compared, contrasted, or both, and it should state what is to be learned from doing so.
- There are two main organizing strategies for compare-and-contrast essays.
- Organize by the subjects themselves, one then the other (subject-by-subject).
- Organize by individual points, in which you discuss each subject in relation to each point (point-by-point).
- Use phrases of comparison or phrases of contrast to signal to readers how exactly the two subjects are being analyzed.
Reflective Response
After you’ve completed this chapter, activity, and paper, do a bit of comparison and contrast with this activity and assignment compared to the other rhetorical modes: how was this one different? how was it similar?
Additional Chapter Sources
This chapter has been adapted and remixed by Will Rogers from the following textbooks and materials: English Composition licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License; http://2012books.lardbucket.org/books/writers-handbook/s12-revising.html licensed under CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike; and You, Writing!, licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-NC-SA 4.0). This chapter is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License; It can be found at lms.louislibraries.org under this same license.
CHAPTER DESCRIPTION
This chapter will help to develop your source integration and referencing skills.
In all academic writing we use secondary research from peer reviewed and academic sources. These might include academic journals (both online and hard copy), books, conference notes or reports, educational webpages, published and unpublished theses (available online), research findings, and government data.
How you integrate and acknowledge the authorship of these sources is a key academic skill regardless of your level of study.
What is a reporting verb?
Answer: The answer is in the name. It is a verb (doing word), or verb phrase, used to report about what other authors have written or said. There are a vast array of reporting verbs; in fact too many to list them all here. They each have a slightly different connotation depending on the context in which they are used. (See the table below for a few examples)[1]
Context | weaker position | neutral position | stronger position |
---|---|---|---|
addition | adds | ||
advice | advises | ||
agreement | admits, concedes | accepts, acknowledges, agrees, concurs, confirms, recognises | applauds, congratulates, extols, praises, supports |
argument and persuasion | apologises | assures, encourages, interprets, justifies, reasons | alerts, argues, boasts, contends, convinces, emphasises, exhorts, forbids, insists, proves, promises, persuades, threatens, warns |
believing | guesses, hopes, imagines | believes, claims, declares, expresses, feels, holds, knows, maintains, professes, subscribes to, thinks | asserts, guarantees, insists, upholds |
conclusion | concludes, discovers, finds, infers, realises | ||
disagreement and questioning | doubts, questions | challenges, debates, disagrees, questions, requests, wonders | accuses, attacks, complains, contradicts, criticises, denies, discards, disclaims, discounts, dismisses, disputes, disregards, negates, objects to, opposes, refutes, rejects |
discussion | comments | discusses, explores | reasons |
emphasis | accentuates, emphasises, highlights, stresses, underscores, warns | ||
evaluation and examination | analyses, appraises, assesses, compares considers, contrasts, critiques, evaluates, examines, investigates, understands | blames, complains, ignores, scrutinises, wars | |
explanation | articulates, clarifies, explains | ||
presentation | confuses | comments, defines, describes, estimates, forgets, identifies, illustrates, implies, informs, instructs, lists, mentions, notes, observes, outlines, points out, presents, remarks, reminds, reports, restates, reveals, shows, states, studies, tells, uses | announces, promises |
suggestion | alleges, intimates, speculates | advises, advocates, hypothesises, posits, postulates, proposes, suggests, theorises | asserts, recommends, urges |
Why use a reporting verb at all?
In order to correctly integrate material from an external source (anything you did not write) into your own writing, a reporting verb helps you to introduce the 'stranger in the room' (that is, the outside source). Good source integration also acknowledges the original author/s, using an in-text citation (see Chapter 10 - Referencing Skills). In academic writing you will often see an assessment marking criteria dedicated to source integration and/or referencing. Proficient use of reporting verbs and verb phrases will demonstrate your capacity to integrate sources better than simply providing a citation at the end of an entire paraphrase or summary.
Correct examples (generic):
Author (citation) claims [paraphrase].
Author and Author (citation) acknowledge that "[insert quote]".
Author et al. (citation) describe [paraphrase], whereas Author (citation) and Author (citation) disagree, stating that [paraphrase].
Basics:
Sometimes the simplest way is the best way. Two commonly used reporting verb phrases are - According to Author (citation), and Author (citation) states.
Avoid using the term 'said', the past tense of 'say', as a reporting verb. This is a word used to describe spoken or uttered words, not written work, and there are far better and more pointed or creative ways to introduce authors' perspectives, knowledge, claims, or arguments.
Unreliable vs Reliable Sources
When researching for materials for your an assignment, always use reliable sources that contain factual or truthful information. Unreliable sources include personal blogs, social media, personal webpages, bias webpages (e.g., a vegan website giving "balanced" dietary advice), and many commercial media outlets. They are often inherently biased and based on personal opinion rather than sound research.
Reliable sources contain information that has been fact-checked and cross-referenced for validity and include tertiary educational publications and websites, government websites, and some registered and well-known organizations (e.g., World Health Organization[2]; UNHCR[3]; AHRC[4]; Red Cross[5][6]; Amnesty International[7]). Reliable media include ABC[8] (Australia), BBC[9] (World News), The Guardian[10] (AU; UK), and The Conversation[11].
World organizations will frequently use social media to raise awareness or ask for donations, plus media outlets publish stories via social media, however, you should go directly to the source of the information, not rely only on what you see on social media. Ensure you are completing your own fact-checking and cross-referencing so that you have the full story.
Reliable vs Academic Sources
While reliable sources are good for gaining background information on an assignment topic and to increase your overall understanding, academic, peer reviewed sources are required for academic assessments. You may cite a reliable source if you are scrutinizing the way events or people are represented in the media or if you are specifically required to use them for an assessment, however academic sources are generally what are required in the marking criteria of assessments.
An academic source is well-researched, written by an academic, usually peer-reviewed, and published in an academic journal or book by a reputable publisher. Peer review means exactly that; it has been reviewed by other academics, often in the same field of study, to ensure that it is of the highest quality of research and writing.
In the UQ Library catalogue peer reviewed publications are marked under the entry details:
In term two of TPP Academic English, you will have a scheduled lesson with one of UQ's excellent librarians to help you navigate the vast array of information accessible to you, via Academic Journal Databases and the library catalogue.
In the third term of TPP Academic English you will learn about the "Hierarchy of Reading" in class and this will ensure you are fully prepared for your term three written assessment and beyond.
Academic Integrity and Misconduct
What happens if I do not use in-text citations?
As defined in Chapter 10 - Referencing Skills, plagiarism is the practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own. Using paraphrased or summarised information from any source without acknowledging the original author will lead to an allegation of academic misconduct and an investigation.
Academic Integrity
Academic integrity is a way of describing the ethical principles that underpin academia, the pursuit of knowledge and student life. These include the International Center for Academic Integrity's fundamental values: honesty, trust, fairness, respect, responsibility and courage.
Academic integrity forms a central part of your intellectual and personal development. It teaches you how to uphold values, develop proper skills in research, thinking and writing, and how to conduct yourself in an ethical manner. These are lifelong skills that will serve you well in your future life and career.
As a member of the UQ academic community, you have a duty to maintain the highest standards of academic integrity in your work. You must avoid cheating, plagiarism, collusion and other forms of academic misconduct[12].
For further information visit my.UQ - Academic integrity and student conduct
Synthesizing Sources
Synthesizing simply means combining. Instead of summarising main points from each text in turn, you combine the key ideas and findings of multiple sources to make an overall point. At its most basic level it involves looking at the similarities and differences between all your sources.
When preparing for a written assignment it can be helpful to organise your research notes in the form of an annotated bibliography (see The Charting Method in Chapter 8 Note-taking Skills). This will make the transition to synthesizing sources simpler because you can quickly compare ideas and claims across a range of texts (synthesizing sources will be covered in further detail in the TPP Academic English course with detailed examples given in class).
Refer to Chapter 10 for Referencing Skills.
CONTENT DESCRIPTION
Exercise - Determining an author's claim. Students choose a New York Times opinion article and complete exercise to determine claim and support.
Claim, Support, Question for an Editorial Research Project
Topic: Student Mental Health Days [
Step 1: Make a claim about the topic [Claim: An explanation or interpretation of some aspect of the topic.]
Step 2: Identify support for your claim [Support: Things you see, feel, and know that support your claim]
Step 3: Ask a question related to your claim [Question: What’s left hanging? What isn’t explained? What new reasons does your claim raise?]
Overview: In order to compose an argument, writers start by making a claim, stating a personal opinion about a topic. In order to explain the reasons for their claims, in the hopes of convincing others to see things from their perspective, writers provide support for those claims. This activity invites you to practice making claims and providing support.
PRACTICE: A recent New York Times Student Opinion article asked, “Should Students Get Mental Health Days Off From School?” Reporter Natalie Proulx asked students, “Have you ever felt so overwhelmed, stressed, anxious or depressed that you thought you needed a day off from school to reset?” What do you think? Why do you think so?
Make a Claim |
|
Identify Support |
|
Ask Questions |
|
-“Claim, Support, Question” is a “Visible Thinking Routine” developed by Project Zero at the Harvard Graduate School of Education
CHAPTER DESCRIPTION
Revising for clarity and concision
Writing like you drive
This and the following chapter discuss sentence-level composition, the kinds of things that many people associate with “writing.” Writing guides, especially those targeted at college students, offer excellent advice on sentence construction and word choice. However, many student writers get hung up on sentence-level expression, thinking that only elegant, erudite sentences will earn top grades. Or worse, some students assume that they’ll never produce strong papers if they do not already have some kind of inborn gift for wordsmithing. While it is true that some people can produce extraordinarily elegant and graceful prose, it is also true that anyone can learn to write effectively in ways that will persuade and satisfy readers. Producing and reading elegant writing is a pleasure, but what really matters in academic writing is precision.
Focusing first or only on sentence-level issues is a troublesome approach. Doing so is like driving while looking only at the few feet of the road right in front of the bumper. Experienced drivers instead take in the larger scene and more effectively identify and avoid potential hazards with ongoing course corrections. Writing well is like that. When you’ve put in the time and effort to take in the bigger picture of your analysis, most of the micro-scale moves happen automatically. That is, if you have a well-developed thesis and a carefully sequenced argument organized into cohesive and coherent paragraphs, many of the sentence-level issues take care of themselves. It’s easier to write effective sentences when their purpose is clear. You’ll still have to edit for clarity, concision, and mechanics, but if the thinking process behind the writing is well developed, editing shouldn’t be a huge chore. It can actually be a satisfying part of the process. One common metaphor notes that a good edit is like the last twist of a camera lens that brings the whole picture into focus.
One approach that often leads to a difficult writing process and a clunky result is the pursuit of “academese”: an effort to write in an ornamented and “scholarly” way. As Michael Harvey explains,[13] the desire to sound more academic might prompt a student to write “To satisfy her hunger for nutrition, she ate the bread” rather than simply “She was hungry, so she ate the bread.” It is true that a lot of academic writing is laden with unnecessary jargon, but the culture is shifting among scholars to favor plainer language and insist on clarity. Your professors are much more likely to find a self-consciously highbrow writing style tedious than impressive. As the saying goes,[14] any fool can make simple things complicated; it takes a genius to make complicated things simple.
My hope with this chapter is to help you see those habits for yourself and, most importantly, how your readers experience them. If you’ve fallen prey to habits of academese, I hope this chapter helps you develop a more straightforward writing style, one well-suited to nuanced thinking and effective communication. And while I don’t want you to think of sentence-level wordsmithing as some kind of abstract, enchanted virtue, I do want you to understand that clarity and concision are more than aesthetics. Convoluted or wordy prose may contain some insightful or intriguing ideas, but if you can render those ideas in clear and concise prose, then you will inevitably develop those ideas even further in the course of writing. Unclear and bloated prose isn’t just tedious to your reader; it’s a needless obstacle to your own thinking.
One of our professors’ primary reasons for assigning writing assignments is to evaluate how thoroughly we have digested the assigned reading material and lectures. They are not as interested in our ability to write Shakespearean prose as they are in our ability to absorb information, wrestle with it until we can comprehend it, and then convey that understanding logically in writing. This is why writing assignments often start something like, “Drawing on Locke’s narrative …” or “Given what you’ve read about Darth Vader’s aversion to democratic governance … .”
It is important to note that this process presupposes that we actually read the assigned readings and take notes during class lectures and discussions. Unsurprisingly, the hardest writing assignments I have had in college were the ones for which I was least prepared. I can try my darnedest to write beautifully, but if I have not put in the necessary time to actually read (and reread) the assigned material, I will have nothing meaningful to say and my professors will see straight through my bloviating.
That being said, the writing process is actually a highly effective exercise for digesting material and developing a cohesive argument. Often it is not until I start writing that I realize the holes in my thinking and the areas that I need to go back and study more thoroughly. This chapter provides many great practical pointers for editing our papers in order to produce clear, refined arguments and should be returned to frequently.
Peter Farrell
The best way to achieve clarity and concision in writing is to separate the drafting process from the revision process. Highly effective writers routinely produce vague, tortuous, and bloated drafts, and are happy to do so. It usually means that they’re onto an interesting idea. Similarly, writers often write the same idea three or four different ways as they’re getting their thoughts down on paper. That’s fine. In fact, that’s better than fine because each repetition helps to develop key ideas and alternative approaches to the argument. A snarly first draft is often a great achievement. One just needs to take the time to develop relevant ideas and make them clear to the reader. For that reason, I write this section of the chapter envisioning someone who has already cranked out a very rough draft and is now in the process of revising for clarity and concision.
Revising for clarity: who did what to whom?
What makes a complex line of thinking easy to follow? The tricks of cohesion and coherence, discussed in Chapter 6, are a big help. Williams and Bizup offer another key point. They explain that readers experience writing as clear when the “character” of a sentence is also its grammatical subject and the key “action” a grammatical verb. They provide this fanciful example:[15]
Once upon a time, as a walk through the woods was taking place on the part of Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump out from behind a tree caused her fright.
Grammatically, the subject of the first part is “a walk through the woods,” and the verb is “taking place”. The character, though, is obviously Little Red Riding Hood and the action is walking. A much more straightforward version—“As Little Red Riding Hood walked through the woods”—makes the character the subject and the action the key verb. That example goes out of its way to be silly, but consider this example from a website offering free college papers:[16]
Another event that connects the colonist and the English together is the event of a hated King in England trying to take away freedom and go back to the old ways. The idea of how much power the King had struck Parliament. After that, the Parliament and the people made the King sign the Magna Carta, which limits the amount of power the King has. The Magna Carta also affected the rights of the American colonies. It practically took away all relationships between the King and the colonies. After the relationship was broken, America broke off from England.
Apparently, the author is claiming that the colonists (in the 1700s?) pushed back against the power of the English crown in a manner similar to the Parliamentarians in 1215 (after having apparently been “struck” by an “idea” of “how much power the King had”). Grammatically, the subjects are an “event” and an “idea” rather than the characters, colonists, the king, and Parliament. The third sentence is refreshingly straightforward in structure (though vague on details). The fifth and sixth sentences are fairly straightforward, but also incredibly vague: the Magna Carta predated the American colonies by at least 400 years;[17] how does that document relate to the American Revolution? The last sentence essentially says that after the relationship was broken, the relationship was broken. If the author were to rewrite the passage to make the grammatical subjects match the characters, he or she would be prompted to clarify what exactly the king, the Parliament, the English populace, and the American colonists did (and to who), something which the author of the above passage may not actually understand. This example illustrates how clarifying “who did what to whom” for the reader also makes writers clarify it for themselves. Writing clearly involves thinking clearly, and clear rigorous thinking is why your professors assign you writing in the first place.
While the Magna Carta example is comically bad, here’s one that is more or less logical but would still benefit from greater clarity:
IgE-dependent allergic hypersensitivity reactions such as allergic asthma and food allergy involve mast cells which are typically regarded as troublesome cells as a result. Further, the allergic sensitization-processes also involves a role for mast cells. Recent findings show that their functionality is not only pro-inflammatory, but can on the contrary have suppressive or immunomodulatory effects in allergic inflammation.
The above passage isn’t a terrible slog, and it’s fairly clear that the whole passage is about mast cells. But here’s a version of the same passage—the real version as it were—which demonstrates that the passage feels a lot clearer when mast cells, the “characters” driving the narrative, are also the grammatical subject of the sentence and the referent for the key verbs:[18]
Mast cells are typically regarded as troublesome cells due to their prominent role in IgE-dependent allergic hypersensitivity reactions such as allergic asthma and food allergy. Further, it seems that mast cells are also able to play an additional role in the allergic sensitization-processes. Recent findings show that mast cell functionality is not only pro-inflammatory, but can on the contrary have suppressive or immunomodulatory effects in allergic inflammation.
Both versions of the passage are consistently about mast cells, but the second version makes that consistency much more obvious to readers as mast cells are the main character of every sentence. That clear consistency allows us to devote more of our brain power to recalling technical terms (like immunomodulatory) and comprehending the key ideas. That makes it both easier and more interesting to read.
To further illustrate the principle, let’s take a nicely straightforward passage and rewrite it so that the characters are objects (rather than subjects) and the actions are nouns[19] (rather than verbs). Here’s the nicely clear original:[20]
What most people really feel nostalgic about has little to do with the internal structure of 1950s families. It is the belief that the 1950s provided a more family-friendly economic and social environment, an easier climate in which to keep kids on the straight and narrow, and above all, a greater feeling of hope for a family’s long-term future, especially for its young.
In these two sentences, the character is a belief rather than a person or thing. However, the passage is still clear to the reader because it keeps the character consistent and explains what that character does (creates nostalgia) to who (people at large). Imagine if the author wrote this instead:
People feel nostalgic not about the internal structure of 1950s families. Rather, the beliefs about how the 1950s provided a more family-friendly economic and social environment, an easier climate in which to keep kids on the straight and narrow, and above all, a greater feeling of hope for a family’s long-term future (especially for its young) are what lead to those nostalgic feelings.
This second version says substantially the same thing, but it’s tedious to read because the character changes abruptly from “people” to “beliefs” (which works against cohesion) and one has to get to the end of the sentence to learn how these beliefs fit in. The key point is this: one of the best things you can do to revise for greater clarity is to recast a passage so that the characters are the grammatical subjects and the key actions are the verbs.
Concision and grace
Chapter 7 on introductions and conclusions notes the importance of concision, as those framing parts of the paper are often the most egregiously bloated. The general rule introduced there holds for any writing: every word and sentence should be doing some significant work for the paper as a whole. Sometimes that work is more to provide pleasure than meaning—you needn’t ruthlessly eliminate every rhetorical flourish—but everything in the final version should add something unique to the paper. As with clarity, the benefits of concision are intellectual as well as stylistic: revising for concision forces writers to make deliberate decisions about the claims they want to make and their reasons for making them.
Michael Harvey[21] notes that fluffy, wordy prose does not necessarily result from an underdeveloped writing process. Sometimes it reflects the context of academic writing:
[M]any of us are afraid of writing concisely because doing so can make us feel exposed. Concision leaves us fewer words to hide behind. Our insights and ideas might appear puny stripped of those inessential words, phrases, and sentences in which we rough them out. We might even wonder, were we to cut out the fat, would anything be left? It’s no wonder, then, that many students make little attempt to be concise—[and] may, in fact, go out of their way not to be … .
As noted in the opening example of Chapter 4, effortful thinking is something most people naturally try to avoid most of the time. It’s both arduous and anxiety provoking to go beyond existing knowledge and assumptions to venture into unknown territory. In some ways, too, the general structure of education conditions students to approach papers as blanks to be filled rather than open-ended problems to explore. When students actively avoid concision, it’s often because they want to avoid the hard thinking concision requires, they assume that writing is all about expressing opinions rather than undertaking a rigorous thought process, or they fear that they can’t adequately perform and communicate an ambitious analysis.
One of the first things you will learn about writing in college is that you have to be concise. It doesn’t matter whether the paper is two pages or ten; concision is key. If you start to lose your reader, expect a bad grade. Professors want to see how well you can argue a point and this includes how gracefully the paper flows as well as how long the reader’s attention is kept. If you can incorporate concision, cohesion and grace into each paper you write, then good grades are sure to follow.
Kaethe Leonard
Many writing guides describe editing strategies that produce a vivid, satisfying concision.[22] Most of the advice boils down to three key moves:
- Look for words and phrases that you can cut entirely. Look for bits that are redundant: (“each and every,” “unexpected surprise,” “predictions about the future”), meaningless (“very unique,” “certain factors,” “slightly terrifying”), or clichéd (“as far as the eye can see,” or “long march of time”).
- Look for opportunities to replace longer phrases with shorter phrases or words. For example, “the way in which” can often be replaced by “how” and “despite the fact that” can usually be replaced by “although.” Strong, precise verbs can often replace bloated phrases. Consider this example: “The goal of Alexander the Great was to create a united empire across a vast distance.” And compare it to this: “Alexander the Great sought to unite a vast empire.”
- Try to rearrange sentences or passages to make them shorter and livelier. Williams and Bizup[23] recommend changing negatives to affirmatives. Consider the negatives in this sentence: “School nurses often do not notice if a young schoolchild does not have adequate food at home.” You could more concisely and clearly write, “School nurses rarely notice if a young schoolchild lacks adequate food at home.” It says the same thing, but is much easier to read which makes for a happier and more engaged reader.
Good parallelism can also help you write shorter text that better conveys your thinking. For example, Stacy Schiff writes this in her best-selling biography of Cleopatra:[24]
A goddess as a child, a queen at eighteen, a celebrity soon thereafter, she was an object of speculation and veneration, gossip and legend, even in her own time.
Imagine if, instead, Schiff wrote this:
Cleopatra was seen as divine when she was a child. She became the sovereign ruler at eighteen, and she became well known throughout the ancient world early in her reign. People speculated about her, worshipped her, gossiped about her, and told legends about her, even in her own time.
The second version says the same thing, but the extra words tend to obscure Schiff’s point. The original (“goddess as a child, queen at eighteen, celebrity soon thereafter”) effectively uses parallelism to vividly convey the dramatic shifts in Cleopatra’s roles and her prominence in the ancient world.
Reading with concision and grace in mind
There is less tolerance for academese than there used to be in scholarly communities; however, a lot of landmark texts were written in a time when there wasn’t such a high value placed on clarity and concision. In your studies, then, you will probably have to engage with important texts that violate almost all the advice given here.
Consider the following example from Talcott Parsons, a sociological theorist noted for both his intellectual force and utterly impenetrable writing style. In reading this passage,[25] imagine “ego” and “alter” as two people interacting:
Communication through a common system of symbols is the precondition of this reciprocity or complementarity of expectations. The alternatives which are open to alter must have some measure of stability in two respects: first, as realistic possibilities for alter, and second, in their meaning to ego. This stability presupposes generalization from the particularity of the given situations of ego and alter, both of which are continually changing and are never concretely identical over any two moments in time. When such generalization occurs, and actions, gestures, or symbols have more or less the same meaning for both ego and alter, we may speak of a common culture existing between them, through which their interaction is mediated.
Here’s a version after I edited for concision using the three moves described above:
Reciprocity, or complementary expectations, depends on a common system of symbols. The symbolic alternatives for alter must be stable, in that they are both realistic for alter and meaningful to ego. That is, actions, gestures, or symbols must have a shared and persistent meaning for ego and alter even though ego and alter are in different situations and are constantly changing. When meanings are shared and persistent, we may say that the interaction between alter and ego is mediated by a common culture.
The revised version is about 30 percent shorter, and it demonstrates how concision makes one’s points come through more clearly. You will almost certainly have to read works of authors who did not prioritize clarity and concision (or even cohesion and coherence), and that’s a drag. But knowing how wordiness interferes with clarity can help you distill essential meanings from challenging texts. In many ways, writing well and reading incisively are two facets of the same cognitive skill set.
Grace
Academic writing is not wholly utilitarian. An elegant and apt turn of phrase is satisfying both to write and to read. While you can’t often summon elegance out of nowhere, you can learn a few structures that are often pleasing to the reader’s ear because they harmonize what you’re saying with how you’re saying it.[26] Here are two rhetorical tricks that you can use to reinforce your points.
- Balance. Readers often find balanced sentences and phrases pleasing. The Cleopatra example above (“goddess as a child, queen at eighteen, celebrity soon thereafter”) illustrates parallelism, which is one kind of balance: using parallel structures to convey a parallel idea. This parallelism not only helps Schiff be powerfully concise, it quickly and vividly conveys the idea that Cleopatra led a remarkable life. Williams and Bizup[27] offer another example of an elegant sentence in which the two parts are balanced in their structure:
A government that is unwilling to listen to the moderate hopes of its citizenry must eventually answer to the harsh justice of its revolutionaries.The same sentence with the parallel parts marked:
A government that is unwilling to listen to the moderate hopes of its citizenry must eventually answer to the harsh justice of its revolutionaries.The balanced structure and contrasting language reinforces the author’s either-or point: “listen” or “answer”; “moderate hopes” or “harsh justice”, “citizenry” or “revolutionaries.” The balanced structure adds rhetorical force to the argument.
- Emphasis. Read these sentences out loud, or imagine yourself doing so:
Version 1:But far and away, the largest weight-inducing food, out-stripping all others, was the potato chip.[28]Version 2:
But far and away, the potato chip was the largest weight-inducing food, out-stripping all others.
The first version places a particular rhetorical emphasis on “the potato chip” because it comes last in the sentence after a three-part build-up. The second version says the exact same thing, and it isn’t hard to see that “potato chip” is the key part of the sentence. However, the rhetorical emphasis on “the potato chip” is somewhat weaker. This common rhetorical trick is to put the part you want to emphasize at the very end of the sentence.
These are just two rhetorical structures that scholars have identified. You can find others (Google “rhetorical device”) that you can bring into your repertoire. Most people can’t set out to write elegantly per se, and you certainly shouldn’t spend your writing time crafting elegantly balanced sentences that have little to do with your argument or analysis. But the more familiar you are with these rhetorical structures, the more often you can recognize and use them.
Other resources
- Richard Lanham’s popular book (Revising Prose, 5th ed., New York: Longman, 2006) offers a well specified method for turning academese into clear, straightforward language. The Online Writing Laboratory at Purdue University offers a short handout about Lanham’s method.
- Several writing centers at colleges and universities offer good advice for spotting and avoiding clichés. Among the most useful are those at the University of Richmond, Foothill College, and the University of Texas.
Exercises
- Rewrite these passages to make the “characters” the grammatical subjects and the key “actions” the verbs. That is, make them clearer.A. The scarcity of research funds for nutritional scientists means that offers by food companies to fund such research may be especially attractive. The implicit pressure to shape the language of the findings to avoid alienation between scholars and companies is worrisome to consider.B. While educational experiences are an obvious benefit of tribal colleges, the needs tribal communities have for economic development, cultural vitality, and social ties are also addressed by educational institutions.
- Take these straightforward passages and make them less clear without changing the meaning. Turn verbs into nouns and make subjects into objects.A. “Statisticians prepared to use spatial models need to keep the role of the models in perspective. When scientific interest centers on the large-scale effects, the idea is to use a few extra small-scale parameters so that the large-scale parameters are estimated more efficiently.”[29] B. “Social scientists will be led astray if they accept the lies organizations tell about themselves. If, instead, they look for places where the stories told don’t hold up, for the events and activities those speaking for the organization ignore, cover up, or explain away, they will find a wealth of things to include in the body of material from which they construct their definitions.”[30]
- Edit these passages for concision, using the three moves described above. Be sure to preserve all of the meaning contained in the original.A. Each and every student enrolled in our educational institutions deserves and is entitled to competent instruction in all of the key academic areas of study. No student should be without ample time and help in mastering such basic skills.B. If you really have no choice in regards to avoiding a long and extended bureaucratic process in making your complaint, it is very important that you write down and document every aspect of the case for use by all of the parties involved in the process.
CHAPTER DESCRIPTION
Discusses direct quotes and provides templates for integrating into writing
What Are Direct Quotes?
Direct quotes are portions of a text taken word for word and placed inside of a work. Readers know when an author is using a direct quote because it is denoted by the use of quotation marks and an in-text citation.
Example:
In his seminal work, David Bartholomae argues that "Every time a student sits down to write for us, he has to invent the university for the occasion-invent the university…” (4).
Direct quotes might also be formatted as a "block quote," which occurs if the borrowed language is longer than four (4) lines of text. In MLA, A block quote requires the author to indent the borrowed language by 1/2 an inch, place the citation at the end of the block, and remove quotation marks.
Example:
In his seminal work, David Bartholomae argues that
Every time a student sits down to write for us, he has to invent the university for the occasion-invent the university, that is, or a branch of it, like History or Anthropology or Economics or English. He has to learn to speak our language, to speak as we do, to try on the peculiar ways of knowing, selecting, evaluating, reporting, concluding, and arguing that define the discourse of our community. (4)
Be sure to be careful when directly quoting because failing to write the text exactly as it appears in the original text is not an ethical use of direct quotes. Also, failing to bracket the quote with quotation marks and/or citing it inside the text is also unethical and both mistakes are a form of plagiarism.
When Should I Use Direct Quotes?
Generally, direct quotes should be used sparingly because you want to rely on your own understanding of material and avoid over-relying on another's words. Over-quoting does not reinforce your credibility as an author; however, you should use direct quotes when "the author you are quoting has coined a term unique to her or his research and relevant within your own paper" (See the Online Writing Center or “OWL” at Purdue University).
The Basics of Directly Quoting
- All quoted material should be enclosed in quotation marks to set it off from the rest of the text. The exception to this is block quotes, which require different formatting.
- Quoted material should be an accurate word-for-word reproduction from the author's original text. You cannot alter any wording or any spelling. If you must do so, you must use a bracket or an ellipsis (see number 2 in the section below).
- A clear signal phrase / attribution tag should precede each quotation.
- A parenthetical citation should follow each quotation.
The Hard Part of Directly Quoting: Integrating Quotes into Your Writing
- You, as the author of your essay, should explain the significance of each quotation to your reader. This goes far beyond simply including a signal phrase. Explaining the significance means indicating how the quoted material supports the point you are making in that paragraph. Remember: just because you add a quote does not mean that you have made your point. Quotes never speak for themselves. How and why does that quoted material make the point you think it does? Here are some helpful phrases for explaining quoted materials. "X" is the author's last name.
- (quoted material). What X's point demonstrates is that . . .
- (quoted material). Here, X is not simply stating _______, she is also demonstrating __________.
- (quoted material). This is an example of _____ because _______.
- (quoted material). This statement clearly shows ______ because _______.
- Sometimes, in order to smoothly integrate quoted material into your paper, you may need to remove a word or add a word to make the quote make sense. If you make any change to quoted material, it must be formatted correctly using an ellipsis or brackets:
- Use brackets [these are brackets] to change a word. This article from Writing Commons explains what brackets are and how to use them
- Use an ellipsis (this is an ellipsis...) to indicate omissions. This article from Writing Commons explains what brackets are and how to use them
- When in doubt, strive to allow your voice—not a quote from a source—to begin each paragraph, precede each quote, follow each quote, and end each paragraph. Quotes that are integrated well into a paper allow you to control the paper. That is what a reader wants to see: your ideas and the way that you engage sources to shape and discuss your ideas.
Attributions: 11.2 Quoting by Melanie Gagich is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.
This chapter contains material from "About Writing: A Guide" by Robin Jeffrey, OpenOregon Educational Resources, Higher Education Coordination Commission: Office of Community Colleges and Workforce Development is licensed under CC BY 4.0. It also contains an excerpt from David Bartholomae's "Inventing the University."