Where can I begin? I was always the one girl who was destined to not do anything with her life. My cousins, aunts, and uncles would always tell me that I was not going to make it past my sophomore year of high school. I guess I’ll start from the beginning! I moved to the United States when I was eight years old and school has always been hard for me. At first, I was thrilled to go to school and start a new life thinking that it would be the best thing that would happen to me. I was wrong!

The first week of school everyone was nice to me and they would even help me with everything. Things started to change little by little. All the confidence I had in me soon became fear. I started to get bullied and things kept getting worse over time. I did not know English at that time, so it was hard for me to understand. Since I was not able to defend myself, I would let them get the best of me. I would pray to God that something would happen to me in the morning so that I wouldn’t have to go to school.

I never told my parents about it because I was scared to ask for help. It became worse and worse, insults soon became pushes and slaps. “Hey look! There comes the beaner” they yelled, and then they would push me and throw me to the floor. I was so tired of being in that environment and having to deal with that every day to the point where I would pray to God that I would get sick that morning so that I wouldn’t have to go to school. I never reported it to the principal or to any adults because I was scared of causing problems with the kids that were doing all these things to me. They would always threaten me, “ if we find out you’re telling and if we get suspended, it is going to be over for you!” I was extremely scared because I didn’t know how far they were going to go, and I didn’t want to get abused anymore.

Eventually, I told my mom, and we came to a conclusion to not cause problems and to move schools. I started my new school, and everything seem to be fine, but I was wrong. The same story was repeating all over. I was full of fear and I didn’t want this to get out of control again. In the mornings, I would make something up so that my dad would let me stay at home. “Hey dad I’m not feeling so good to go to school”. Those were my exact words every other morning. My parents noticed that I was manipulating them into not taking me to school and they found out that it was for the same reason, I was getting bullied again!

We moved houses so I had to move schools again and I was ready to repeat the same story. I entered my new school, and I felt a different aura. I felt like I actually belonged there, I didn’t feel excluded from activities and everyone was welcoming. I finished elementary school and junior high with the same group of friends. I started high school and I was all alone again. I didn’t have friends at all, and I have always been that quiet girl no one talks to. I never had confidence and lost my selflove. I hated myself and I would always compare myself to others. The comments I would get from other people would slowly tear me down. “Oh my god you’re so skinny, go eat you’re going to break if you keep walking” the girl behind me yelled. I didn’t know her at all, and I didn’t understand why she was mean to me. I felt like paper getting crumbled and being torn apart, I felt like there was no hope for my happiness, I felt trapped in a dark cage with no way out. I was always compared to trees, twigs, a broom stick, and other things that they could compare my body because I have always been skinny. “Hey, look it’s the walking stick” some kid stated. I was always body shamed and I even thought to myself that being skinny was horrible. I would overeat to the point where I would get sick and I was tired of living like this.

It was until my senior year of high school that I realize that only I can lift myself up and if I didn’t love myself, nobody would. I realized that self-love is extremely important to be content with yourself and that in order to love someone else you have to start by loving yourself. Even though I was miserable in school, I managed to gain all my confidence and to start loving myself. I proved my bullies wrong including my family that didn’t believe in me. It is sad to see that even family turns their back on you and are not supportive of the things you do. Never let anyone belittle you just because you come from a different country or because you look different. No one is perfect and I was trying so hard to make the wrong people happy and, in that process, I ended up losing myself.