Sneaky Excuses
Sneaky excuses are the ways that we tell ourselves that it’s okay to do something that we know is wrong (or to not do something that we know is right.) They’re called sneaky excuses because a lot of the time, we don’t even realize we’re making an excuse!
That’s why it’s important to learn to recognize them so that we can tell whether we’re doing something because we really have a good reason, or just because we’re making an excuse.
Here are the four most common kinds of sneaky excuses:
Denying the Harm
One of the easiest excuses to fall for is denying that something did harm to anyone, or minimizing how much harm was done. Sometimes we do this by comparing it to something that’s worse, so that the thing we did looks better by comparison.
Examples:
- Shoplifting isn’t a big deal compared to serious crimes like robbery or murder.
- Being bullied is just a part of growing up. It doesn’t really hurt anyone.
Justifying the Harm
Another common excuse is to say that you had to do something bad, or that it was okay to do it because it did more good than bad.
It’s true that sometimes doing things that are wrong will do more good than harm. For example, during the Civil Rights movement people broke racist laws as a way of showing people that those laws were unfair. But it’s important to make sure that you’re really doing something for a good cause, and not looking for excuses to justify doing something you know is wrong.
Examples:
- Getting bullied teaches kids to be tough.
- If somebody in your family breaks the law, you should lie to protect them because family is more important than anything else.
Shifting the Responsibility
If we can’t find a way to convince ourselves that something isn’t really wrong, we may use an excuse to say it isn’t our fault. This can mean either shifting the blame to a specific person, or just finding a reason why we aren’t to blame.
Examples:
- If you tell someone to do something bad, it’s not your fault if they go ahead and do it.
- You shouldn’t blame someone for something they did while they were drunk, because they couldn’t control themselves.
Blaming the Victim
Sometimes we don’t just shift responsibility away from ourselves, we actually blame the person who was hurt by what we did. It’s easy to be fooled by this excuse because you can pretend that you didn’t do anything wrong at all.
Examples:
- If you act weird or dress in a funny way, you can’t complain if people tease you.
- If somebody bullies other people, they deserve to be bullied back.
Now see if you can spot what kind of sneaky excuses each of these is: