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The “all you can eat” rule was a compromise because they couldn’t agree on a number for the maximum wage law. Everyone agreed that a limit had to be set to prevent the poor, hungry masses from killing, cooking and eating the tiny minority of extraordinarily wealthy freeloaders. So a new currency of chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil was adopted and an annual contest was held.

The winner would become the richest person in the world.

Competition was fierce. The top contestants, mostly heirs to fortunes of zillionaires who profited from cheap foreign labor, starved themselves in preparation. All had diabetes, but that didn’t stop them. They wanted to win.

They loved attention as much as they loved money. Even the derisive attention of the public who came for the free peanuts and threw shells at the stage. This was a spectacle.

Otis (“The Brute”) Hamilton was the guy to beat. To save time, he didn’t even peel the foil off. He ate the coins whole. He weighted in at 280 pounds, nicely distributed on his large frame. An army of mercenary supplicants led him to the center of the stadium. The throngs hissed.

Louise Felcher was a wonder. She usually finished second, a large woman with a huge appetite for wealth. She came from old money. Her grandparents actually owned a company that produced things. She thought “financial services” trillionaires like Hamilton were pretenders and interlopers. That provided her motivation for her personal best performance this year. She consumed $850 billion moments before Hamilton entered.

Otis looked confident nonetheless. He had a strategy. Instead of consuming the highest denomination coins, he chose a cheaper one. But by volume, his chosen smaller coin provided more value per bite. Louise was shocked and disheartened.

Otis was in fine form. He ate handfuls of coin quickly. It seemed like time was standing still as he stuffed his face repeatedly, surely besting Louise by a wide margin. At the buzzer, a victory bell was sounded. Otis raised his clenched hands, shaking them to the left, then the right. The crowd pelted him with peanut shells.

Hamilton’s eyes opened wide as sugar shock took hold. The medics quickly converged and stabilized his condition. Sure, he’d spend a few days in the hospital, but he’d won. Again. Whoopee!