47

I look really good in a hat. I suppose you could say that I’m “haberdashing” but that word really isn’t an adjective; it’s a verb.

No doubt, you’re aware of the trend. People running up, snatching stranger’s hats, and then running away wearing them. That, my friend, is haberdashing.

But what’s the point? Is it like streaking, trying to get attention? Is it something you do on a dare? No. It’s about style. We take hats, and then trade them among ourselves. Certain hats look like they were made for certain people. I like to say that our plan is to put hats onto the right heads.

Some say it’s getting out of control. It’s not just my gang any more. There are copycats, like the guy who ran off with the pope’s zucchetto. That’s wasn’t us, but it sure got a lot of attention. I, of course, would not have done that. It would look terrible on me.

So, listen up: here’s the plan. People are getting pissed off, saying we’re a bunch of petty thieves. Last week, they arrested Al. The situation has become difficult. But we are actually done with taking hats. Now we are about to start the second phase of haberdashing.

There are many people, too many people I think, who don’t wear hats at all. When Al gets out next week, were gonna go down into his basement where he keeps the contraband. Were gonna start carrying those hats around, run up to strangers who match the style of each hat, deposit them on the most appropriate heads, and run.