19

You know that fork in the road? I took it. Now, from personal experience, I can report back on the results.

August 3rd, it was hot and I was excited. Tim had proposed and I said “yes.” I tried to be cool about it, but it was clearly the most wonderful moment of my life. Tim was happy too, and probably not surprised. Everybody knew I was crazy about him for years.

Hal was, of course, disappointed but he pretended to be happy for me. We’d known each other forever. I knew he had a crush on me, but to me he was always just a friend. A dear friend, but still just a friend.

Ah, but Tim! Wedded bliss for awhile. Tim was sweet, gentlemanly, thoughtful and funny. He was also 6’4″ and deadly handsome, I could see other women were very jealous. I can’t honestly deny that enhanced the experience. I had it good and I knew it.

Tim worked long hours at a pretty high level position doing something important. But when he worked late, he often took me out to an exquisite surprise dinner. I worked in sales, but I spent my days anticipating life after work and my time with Tim.

When the inevitable affair—or should I say affairs—occurred, everything went south. I couldn’t bear to even look at him. It made me think of her. And her. And her.

The divorce was quick. I was alone again. In the intervening years, I’d lost contact with Hal, so I didn’t even have a shoulder to cry on. I swallowed my pride and called Hal. He didn’t return my call.

As it turns out, Hal was dead. Despondent, lost, he’d taken his own life.

I prayed. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed for strength. I prayed for a second chance.

I woke up one morning, and it was a hot August 3rd again. Not another August 3rd, but that one. It was like the movie Ground Hog Day, but less funny.

The fork was back in the road and I decided to do things differently. I broke it off with Tim. And I called Hal. We got married.

Hal had less finesse than Tim, but Hal truly loved me. What he lacked in excitement he made up for in genuine warmth and caring. He didn’t make much money but we were the cliche: poor but happy.

At least I was happy. Hal got hard on himself. He complained that he wasn’t doing well enough. He kept working harder, but not getting results. I saw less of him. He surely wasn’t with another woman, but he wasn’t with me either.

We drifted apart. His guilt complex made it impossible to be around him. You can only prop up a person for so long. I was beaten. My dear friend made an terrible husband. There was no escaping it.

We divorced. I was alone and out of ideas. Maybe I’d just stay single. I didn’t know what to do.

Years passed and I felt my life drifting away. Older, tired, bored and sometimes afraid. I had friends and did stuff, but I didn’t feel close to anyone. And nothing I did felt worthwhile.

I prayed for another chance, even though I’d already blown two. I woke up, young again, on August 3rd. It was hot and I was excited.

A fork has four prongs and I’d only used two. Maybe things will turn out better this tine.