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I wanted to call her Ursula, but my daughter named her Pocahontas. She’s the sweetest pet anybody could ever have.

In nature, polar bears and poodles never mate. We tried that. It was ugly. So Pocahontas was conceived in a lab. She was expensive, a rare new breed, but destined to become very popular, I think.

When I take her out for walkies, people always stare, often from behind trees and recycling bins. They must recognize how beautiful she is. What a sight! Four hundred and fifty pounds, a giant ball of white fur (and muscle), tight curls, three-inch razor-sharp claws, and the cutest face ever! Best of all—she doesn’t shed.

Pocahontas is a really good companion. Still, I’ll admit she has some behavior problems. She likes to jump up on the kitchen counter. We have a contractor on retainer to keep repairing it. And when she’s really hungry, Pocahontas will eat our entire dinners (including plates and silverware) right off the table. You can’t turn your back on her.

Feeding her is always an issue. She gets super-excited every morning when the fish truck arrives. On the way in, the driver gives her treats. Fresh whole mackerel. She loves them! She also loves salmon and tuna.

She really tears it up at the dog park. Sadly, we never find any friends for her there—either canine or ursine—but we still have fun. That said, I felt that Pocahontas needed a companion of her own species. Just to calm her down. She tugs at the leash. My sling and cast are coming off next week, but I’d prefer not to go through that again.

That’s why we went back to the breeder. We got a smaller one this time: a mini-polarboodle. At full size, she’ll only be three hundred pounds. My daughter named her Miley. Right about now, I’m really regretting that I let my daughter name them. If I had done the job, we’d have a pair of polarboodles named Ursula Major and Ursula Minor. Which would have been priceless.

Whatever. Polarboodles by any other names are still sweet.

Together, Pocahontas and Miley are adorable. They play pretty rough though. I think both are alphas. That worries me.