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To whoever gets this note—if anyone—this is my story:

I’ve was hired by a band of underground revolutionaries to create neologisms designed to restore freedom and save the world. A sort of an anti-newspeak. Ha! They say there are no good jobs for English majors. Well, I found just the thing.

My technique was to identify standard euphemisms, those that are used by officials to diminish objections to objectionable activities. Then, I’d come up with a phrase tying the actual objectionable activities back to the euphemism itself.

For example, I replaced “collateral damage” with the phrase “collateral murder.” It more accurately describes what actually happens, and now people can’t hear the ridiculous phrase “collateral damage” without thinking of my substitute. Over time, with repetition, it’s begun to change the direction and focus of political debate.

“National security” has become “Status Quo Security” and “free enterprise” now brings to mind “freakish enterprise.” You get the idea.

Moving on to my more immediate concern. I’m being held as an enemy combatant without charge or trial in an undisclosed location. They intend to torture me.

But they didn’t put it that way. They said: “You are a threat to national security. We’re going to bring you to justice and use enhanced interrogation to get you to talk.”

They don’t know what they’re saying, but I’m afraid they mean it.