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Steel bar down flaking red—rust? Paint? Blood?—holds me in place, too late for second thoughts as I am jarred, lunge backward with resigned anxiety, clack clack clack clack, wooden bumps shake hard metal seat, rising climbing steeper, blue sky grasp hopelessly at puffy cotton balls out of reach, jaw and hands grip tighten strain, eyes open wider breathing slows, gasp, torturous climb to the top, eternal pause anticipation, look down to drop and beyond to loops, long so long so long!…sun sweat or fearful tears block eye, blur clears for a moment until the DROP—plummet past stomach, throat catches suppressing scream, life flashes—pain of birth red naked tiny creature crying lost, then clenched, loved but still unknown universe terrorizes as life speeds up, life and coaster loop after loop after loop, the same but different and always a surprise, choruses of screams fade in out, out of whack upside down, spinning whirling around banked curves, again climbing clack clack clack, too petrified to fear, the tallest climb and the longest drop, landing and slowing and finally puttering back to the gate, pretending it was worth it and swearing to repeat it never again.