Listening to Others
4.6 Listening Deeper: From Talking Stick to Listening Stick
I translate the ancient practice of using a talking stick to the practice of using a listening stick in the college course Listening to the SONG of Life. I provide an extended illustration of using the listening stick within the confines of the course. I open with background about the talking stick as a conceptual framework for understanding the process of using the listening stick as a deeper way to listen to others.
The talking stick (or talking piece) is historically rooted in the practices of Indigenous peoples of Turtle Island.[1] The use of a talking stick as part of the practice of sitting in council is described succinctly by Beyer where:
. . . people sit in a circle and pass around what is called a talking stick. Whoever holds the talking stick gets to speak, and everybody listens. There are no interruptions, no questions, no challenges, no comments. People speak one at a time, in turn, honestly from their hearts, and they listen devoutly with their hearts to each person who speaks.[2]
Sitting in council probably derives from the more ancient practice of calling the circle, or simply sitting in circle. It is conceivable that our ancestors sat in a circle around the first fires, each person receiving warmth and food while listening to each other’s stories.[3] Christina Baldwin provides evidence of circle symbols prevalent in the Paleolithic and Mesolithic periods, but it is not known when or why contemporary Indigenous people began using talking pieces to structure and facilitate communication within the circle. I speculate that, as the number of individuals around the circle grew, a few dominant voices emerged, creating an imbalance. To restore balance, perhaps a wise person suggested passing around a sacred symbol (e.g., a stone, stick, or shell) to indicate a person’s right to use the power of speech and the concurrent responsibility of others to listen. The use of the sacred symbol to structure the speaking and listening restores balance to the circle.
Each talking stick uniquely symbolizes the qualities of the person who crafted it.[4] For instance, a talking stick made from the wood of a pine tree might represent a peaceful disposition, rabbit fur wrapped around part of the talking stick could represent being a good listener because rabbits have large ears, and blue beads that dangle from the end of the talking stick might symbolically represent understanding.[5] Even though talking sticks are adorned with different symbols, all talking sticks used in council are the bearer of the speaker’s sacred words. According to Cherokee-Navajo Phyllis Cronbaugh,[6] and based on descriptions of training sessions for sitting in council at the Ojai Foundation.[7] The talking stick serves various communicative functions, such as establishing relational agreements, settling disputes, completing unfinished business, brainstorming creative ideas, achieving group consensus, and building cohesiveness. [8] In the next section, the relationship between the talking and listening sticks is explained, and learning goals for using the listening stick are described.
Talking and Listening Sticks
Kay Lindahl originally coined the phrase listening stick[9] and describes a listening stick activity as a variation of the ancient practice of using the talking stick. A review of the Communication literature for the topics “talking stick” and “listening stick” revealed two journal articles. The first article describes the use of a talking stick as part of a group listening activity. The second article describes the relationship between the talking and listening sticks, and how to use the listening stick in a class activity.[10]
Repurposing the talking stick as a listening stick does not change the basic function of the stick as an indicator of who is talking in the context of a small group seated in a circle. However, the change in nomenclature from talking stick to listening stick dramatically shifts the symbolic meaning. The intent of the talking stick is the creation of speech for the benefit of listeners while the intent of the listening stick is two-fold. As the person holding the listening stick, the focus of attention is on listening to self, and on discerning which ideas to share for the benefit of the group. Second, when others in the group are holding the listening stick, the focus of attention is on listening to them with heart-felt attention and empathy.
Dual Awareness: 2LS
The listening stick as a physical object represents the symbolic intention to listen more deeply to self and others, while the talking stick represents our power to talk. Dual awareness refers to an integration of listening and talking. Imagine that the talking and listening sticks could be integrated into a third stick, a blending of energies and forces like that of the Taoist taijitu symbol.[11] [12]
I represent this dual awareness of listening and speaking with the abbreviation 2LS,[13] meaning listen twice before speaking. There are two types of listening embedded in 2LS. First, there is listening to our own feelings, needs, and thoughts, being aware of our personal center and agenda (the first “L” in 2LS). Second, there is listening to the other, seeking to empathize and understand them (the second “L” in 2LS). And third, in 2LS there is a time for speaking (S) one’s point of view, creating the beginnings of a conversation.
The concept of 2LS[14] provides a unique orientation and set of priorities when listening to others that I elaborate on through several sources including Covey’s habits of highly successful people, the martial art of Aikido, and the musical sensibilities of jamming.
2LS: First Understand, Then Be Understood
The fifth of the seven habits of highly successful people that Stephen Covey champions is, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”[15] For Covey, seeking to understand means empathic listening, and the attitude of listening precedes speaking one’s own agenda. The priority of listening to another’s point of view first (prior to speaking) is compatible with 2LS, representing listening to others before speaking. However, Covey’s focus on listening to others first does not account for the first type of listening in 2LS, namely, listening to self before listening to others. In fairness to Covey, listening to self could fall under habit number seven, “Sharpen the Saw: Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal.”[16] This habit is more clearly related to listening to self in Sean Covey’s children’s version of the seventh habit, “And Remember to Take Care of Yourself.”[17] Listening to ourselves first is a way of taking care of ourselves, ensuring that we sharpen our own sword of attention to remain balanced, renewed, and with sufficient energy to listen to others.
2LS: Aikido Moves
The sword of attention can signify listening to self, but the symbolic sword also has other meanings relevant to listening. The sword of attention is a term used in the martial art of Kendo.[18] Overall, the martial arts have many parallels in communication.[19]
I apply the 2LS abbreviation to a mind-body sequence of movements in the martial art of Aikido called Irimi Tenkan.[20] The sequence begins with the Aikido student centering the body and mind before engaging with an opponent. This initial step is equivalent to listening to self in 2LS. Next, the student enters the opponent’s approach, positioning the body in a way that harmonizes with the opponent’s energy. This second step in the Aikido sequence is equivalent to listening to others in 2LS. The final step in the Aikido sequence is turning in a circular fashion, blending and redirecting the opponent’s energy while executing a technique (e.g., a hold or throw). This last step in the Aikido sequence represents speaking in 2LS, metaphorically introducing one’s own ideas into the conversation. The entire Aikido sequence represents all parts of 2LS in the proper order. First, listen to self (centering), second listen to the other (entering), and lastly speaking (blending and redirecting).
2LS: Musical Jamming
In addition to martial arts as a metaphor for illustrating 2LS, music offers various ways to understand listening.[21] I focus here on “jamming” as one example of the relationship between music and 2LS. Jamming in a musical sense, as described by Communication theorist Eisenberg, has four characteristics (transcendent, diverse, fragile, and risky) and four conditions (skill, structure, setting, and surrender).[22] Of these characteristics and conditions, the jamming ideas of diversity and surrender are most relevant to 2LS. In jamming, the diversity of views is achieved by listening to the other musicians in the band and then surrendering to the flow of their music for the purpose of creating a harmonious jam. Once “in the jam,” the individual musician can change the jam by introducing their unique spin on the music. Listening to others playing the jam is the second “L” of listening in 2LS. Surrendering is also part of listening to others. Introducing another musical idea into the jam is equivalent to the “S” of speaking in 2LS.
What seems to be missing in the jamming metaphor is the initial “L” of listening to self in 2LS. While not part of Eisenberg’s jamming idea, it is possible to incorporate the idea of listening to self in a musical jam. Before the jam begins, each musician “tunes” their own instrument. This tuning of the instrument is akin to listening to self in 2LS. Next, the musician listens and tunes to others (the other instruments and players) in the jam. The tuning to each other is akin to listening to others in 2LS. Finally, with everyone in tune, the band “jams together,” simultaneously listening and speaking in a state that I call dual awareness.
- Jack Zimmerman and Viginia Coyle, The Way of Council (Putney: Bramble Books, 2009). ↵
- Stephen V. Beyer, Talking Stick: Peacemaking as a Spiritual Path (Rochester: Bear and Company, 2016), 7. ↵
- Christina Baldwin, Calling the Circle: The First and Future Culture (New York: Bantam, 1998). ↵
- The qualities might represent the character strengths or personality of the person, or the qualities might symbolize the desired strengths that the person is in the process of cultivating. ↵
- Joan Tavares Avant, "Talking Stick and Feather: Indigenous Tools Hold Sacred Power of Free Speech" (website), Indian Country Today, 2018. https://ictnews.org/archive/talking-stick-and-feather-indigenous-tools-hold-sacred-power-of-free-speech. ↵
- Phyllis Cronbaugh, The Talking Stick: Guarantee You are Understood and Not Just Heard (n.p.: Create Space Independent Publishing Platform, 2010). ↵
- Ojai Foundation, Which Council Training is Right for Me? (website). http://ojaifoundation.org/our-programs/council-trainings. ↵
- A body of communication research describing "listening circles" conceptually overlaps the talking/listening stick practice. Much of this research is in the context of training and organizational communication, which is beyond the scope of the present chapter to review. For example, Guy Itzchakov and Avraham N. Kluger, "The Listening Circle: A Simple Tool to Enhance Listening and Reduce Extremism Among Employees," Organizational Dynamics 46, no. 4 (2017): 220–226, and Laura Janusik, "Listening Training in Organizations," Current Opinion in Psychology, 52 (August, 2023): 101631. For an introduction to listening circles, see Ingrid Nordi, "Listening Circles-A Path to Better Listening Skills, Listening in Education and Training, no. 1 (2024): 25-30. ↵
- Kay Lindahl, Practicing the Sacred Art of Listening: A Guide to Enrich Your Relationships and Kindle Your Spiritual Life (Woodstock: SkyLight Paths, 2003), 32-40. ↵
- I performed a title search for "talking stick" and "listening stick" using the Communication and Mass Media database. One article relevant to the talking stick was found and no articles on the listening stick were found. Richard B. Hyde, "Council: Using a Talking Stick to Teach Listening," Speech Communication Teacher 7, no. 2 (Winter 1993): 1-2. [no DOI, call number: PN4071.S73]. I performed a second title search for "listening stick" using the Google Scholar database. One article was found that I draw from for this chapter (used with permission). E. James Baesler, "From Talking Stick to Listening Stick: A Variation on an Ancient Practice," Listening Education 9, no. 2 (2019): 17-34.https://digitalcommons.odu.edu/communication_fac_pubs/40/. ↵
- Taijitu is a circular yin-yang symbol, half white and half black with a small circle of black within the larger white half and a small circle of white within the larger black half. Symbolically, the larger black half of the taijitu could represent listening to others, and the smaller inner circle within the black representing listening to self. Similarly, the white half of the taijitu symbol could represent speaking while the inner black circle within the white represents listening to oneself while speaking. Taijitu symbolically represents an integration of both listener and speaker. ↵
- Public domain image of taijitu or yin-yang symbol: https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/free-download.php?image=yin-yang-symbol&id=342382. ↵
- In the original article that I draw on for this part of the chapter (E. James Baesler, "From talking Stick to Listening Stick," Listening Education, 2019), I used the term tallis ("tal" is short for "talk," and "lis" is short for "listen") to represent the dual awareness of listening and talking. For a variety of reasons, including tallis being confused with other meanings of the term (e.g., a Jewish shawl, an English composer, a rock band), I created the new abbreviation 2LS where "L" short for "listen," "S" is "speak", and "2" meaning twice. Translated, 2LS means to hold the dual awareness of "listen twice (to self and others) before speaking." ↵
- 2LS is an original abbreviation I created for use in the field of listening. However, the term is not completely original outside the field of listening. An internet search shows that others use the abbreviation 2LS to mean a variety of things from the layout of fingers on a bowling ball, a model number of a Chevy Camaro, a music artist, a fire alarm system, and so forth. ↵
- Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1989), 235. ↵
- Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1989), 341. ↵
- Sean Covey, The 7 Habits of Happy Kids (New York: Simon and Schuster, 2008), 90. ↵
- Loosely translated, Kendo is the way or path of the sword. Hiroyuki Tessshin Hamada, "Kendo and Jaido," Quintessence of Japanese Classical Martial Arts: Historical and Philosophical Perspectives (Dubuque: Kendall/Hunt, 2003), 210-251. ↵
- For instance, Thompson and Jenkins describe how the principles of the martial art Judo are applied to persuasive communication. George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins, Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion (New York: William Morrow, 2013). ↵
- Irimi is "to enter" and Tenkan is "to turn." The Aikido practitioner enters first (Irimi), blends by turning with (Tenkan), and then flows with and redirects (if needed) the opponent's energy. C. M. Shifflett, Aikido: Exercises for Teaching and Training (Sewickley: Round Earth Publishing, 2009). ↵
- The musician Evelyn Glennie describes several connections between music and listening in the following TED talk. TED, "How To Truly Listen |Evelyn Glennie." YouTube, May 14, 2007. https://www.youtube.com/watch. ↵
- Eric M. Eisenberg, "Jamming: Transcendence Through Organizing," Communication Research 17, no. 2 (1990): 139–164. ↵