7
Trusting God
In hindsight the issues I’ve had with my heart have taught me how to trust God more. When the heart goes so fast you cannot feel it, hear it or even take your pulse but you are still here, something is wrong. I rang the Doctor who gave me an ECG and sent me to A&E where it took four or five attempts to get the medication right over the space of a month. When my heart was going crazy I told the Lord that I was going to ignore my heart. “Please give me two hours sleep.” This He did, waking me up the minute it was up. I went to the bathroom and felt giddy so pressed my button again for the ambulance. This time I stayed in hospital for two nights while they changed the medication yet again. Since then the heart has remained more stable although beating slower. I felt weird when this was happening, but at no stage did I feel scared. I just kept trusting the Lord and realised He could have taken me home at any moment. The lungs played up, leaving me breathless so back I went to A&E and spent three nights in the ward while the infection was dealt with. I came home and flew to Wellington to an Aglow Leadership Summit-a truly enjoyable weekend. Things have settled down and life has become more normal. Sometimes we feel that life has become more normal and one gets a bit lax in keeping in touch with Him. I think this has been happening to me and I really need to make a better effort so I don’t lose too much ground. Because He doesn’t forget us.
My friend Robyn gave me a little book about The Power of Little Things. I have known in my life the value of having small experiences, preparing me for the big one to come. I remember looking after a deaf-blind girl when I was at school who had other problems too. Some twenty years later I went to work at Māngere Hospital with profoundly retarded children and I was able to call on my prior experience. The book tells about small choices making big changes in people’s lives. For example, small children praying for adults and having clear answers to their prayers. In the book the author talks about needing to find some sports shoes to demonstrate a point to some young people. She went to her son’s room and found a brand new pair sitting in their box. Her son had just bought them a day or so before. God knew she needed them to prove the point. I was reminded of children praying for me when I was at YWAM and feeling so blessed and refreshed.
Sometimes it’s good to look back at the past to appreciate the footsteps I have taken to discover the course that has shaped me. As I’ve come to reflect on my parents’ upbringing, I realise just how fortunate I have been. They had the foresight to see that I needed to leave home at an early age in order to be trained to live a full and independent life. I know the sacrifice was huge as I have witnessed other parents’ pain as they put their children into someone else’s care. It somehow threw me onto God as mentioned above. Fortunately we had a high standard of care with staff who had our well-being at heart. I think they really loved looking after me. It has taken me a long time to see how wise my mother and father have been, but I’ve been able to live a full and worthwhile life. I believe there are more adventures of worship to come as I respond to God’s timing, read of His wisdom and obey when He calls. I firmly believe that when we realise that worship is a lifestyle, God will help us so much more. This final section that follows is designed as helps along the way.
