Write Fast: Capsule Description

Observing Moments – Step 2

Next up, describe a moment you observed in nature.

Capsule descriptions distill a moment in time with vivid details and action. They are verbal snapshots that are two or three sentences long.

A few capsule examples by published writers appear below. For your own description, just remember — do it fast, putting it into your Process Notebook.

Suggested Time for Activity: 15 minutes

Suggested Length: 2 sentences or a paragraph

Describe the natural place you observed during Step 1. Pack in all the details you can, focusing on what you actually observed, not a memory of someplace else.

Q. Why do I have to base my description on what I observed?

This lesson emphasizes direct observation and paying attention. It’s true that first-person writers describe many things they imagine and remember — memoirs are all about memory — but developing good descriptive skills comes first.

For now, think of yourself as a nature reporter.

For now, think of yourself as a nature reporter, noting down everything you observe in real time. Let outer reality spark your inner landscape. Connecting inner and outer worlds often surprises me and informs my own writing.

There’s a practical point to direct observation, too: when it comes to evoking the past accurately and honestly, jotting down what you observe at the time in a journal or Process Notebook will give you a record to draw from in later writing.

Q. Do I need to include “I” in my capsule?

No, but I encourage you to do so. In this activity, what matters is specific details you observe in nature. You can establish yourself as the watcher: I watched the ant carry the graham-cracker crumb. You can also just say what the ant did.

The first-person voice provides context for what’s observed.

That said, keep in mind that longer capsule descriptions often include the first-person voice to provide context for what’s observed. For this reason, you might challenge yourself to position your “I” as the observer in your capsule. You can always cut tags like “I watched” or “I see” when you revise later.

But don’t whittle down personal details too quickly. Consider the specifics in my brief description of remembering 9/11: Saigon orphanage, Boston, friends boarding flights at Logan airport, honking horns unusually quiet. I could have cut lots of words, simply cataloging what happened on the record. My goal, however, was to capture the clash of specific things I noticed and felt at the time.

David Gessner’s description below, another 9/11 moment, indicates how vividly observed natural details connect with the enormity of such an event.

Q. Do my descriptions of nature have to sound poetic?

No. Nature writing has a reputation for being poetic, lyrical, even sappy. Some of that reputation is deserved, but the best nature writing isn’t poetic for the sake of being poetic. Avoid pretty scenes on postcards or self-help slogans. What matters is how vivid your descriptions are, not clichés about the beauty of nature.

Avoid pretty scenes on postcards.

Take Helen Macdonald’s H Is for Hawk. An unsentimental description from her memoir appears in the box below. This naturalist author also asks in the opening chapter, “Have you ever seen a hawk catch a bird in your back garden?” She then adds, “I’ve found evidence”:

“Out on the patio flagstones, sometimes, tiny fragments: a little, insect-like songbird leg, with a foot clenched tight where the sinews have pulled it; or – even more gruesomely – a disarticulated beak….”^[1]

The point of such description is to evoke the world around you and to convey your personal perspective. Great capsules highlight key specifics to evoke everything else, and poetry often does just that. You’ll get a chance to try your hand at a haiku in the next step – but haiku aren’t always sweet, either.