Mental Health and Graduate School
It’s no secret that graduate school is a difficult endeavor. It always has been, but post-2009 graduate school is even worse. Universities have become worse places to work. Salaries are stagnant and resources for faculty and researchers have been stretched more thinly. Couple this with the overall decline of tenure track positions and graduate school becomes a kind of pressure cooker. It’s no surprise that under this system incidences of depression and anxiety are skyrocketing among graduate students. The circumstances of graduate education contribute to the overall quality of a person’s mental health. It’s not uncommon to see a student that excelled as an undergraduate flounder as a graduate student. The common assumption is that an excellent undergraduate student will surely be an excellent graduate student, but that’s often not the case. The increased levels of stress and anxiety from graduate school can shake the most resolute student to their core.
This can also have little to do with a student. Graduate programs are just like any other organization. They can have positive, supportive environments or they can ooze toxicity. The culture of a program is, to me, the sum of small decisions that are made constantly. Making a large number of poor decisions then leads to an overall toxic program, even if there are good professors and students around. When I was a student in my PhD program, I somehow got assigned an office on the second floor of our building. Most of the graduate students were assigned to the “bull pen,” which was a large room with 10-15 grad students scattered about. The second and third floors were reserved for faculty. One morning, I was working on my course prep with my door slightly ajar when I overhead two professors talking about a graduate student. Those professors called the student a “bimbo” and agreed that this student wasn’t smart enough to complete the program. The round of comments ended with them viciously critiquing the student’s wardrobe. The student in question was, of course, a female. The two professors were both female. One of them was a subject matter expert in feminist theory. I wasn’t the only person in that hallway, and I’m not sure how many others overheard this. I deeply regret my silence in that moment, but it’s very hard to speak out against the people that will teaching you in courses or reading your exams.
Graduate school is an enormously competitive environment. Whether you know it or not, you are competing with your cohort. The competition is constant. Small, insignificant details can contribute to your overall standing in a program. Faculty are paying attention. Other students are paying attention. It wasn’t uncommon to hear of or see a grad student break down and cry in the building somewhere. In my program, such an event would invariably feed the rumor mill and most certainly damage that persons reputation and ability to succeed in the program. Some people end up with toxic advisors that sabotage proposals and derail their careers. It’s no surprise that under these circumstances many students see existing mental health struggles exacerbated while other students see mental health issues emerge. These issues aren’t unique to graduate school, but the way that graduate study is set up can exacerbate the problem. If you find yourself in a toxic program and your mental health is being adversely affected by school, it might be time to consider leaving your program.
Why the Term “Dropping Out” is Silly
Speak to anyone intelligent about the problems in our education system and you likely won’t hear them discussing “drop outs.” The term itself is indicative of the problematic way we understand education in America. It’s simultaneously praised and despised by many people. Most people are generally sympathetic to the work teachers do, but refuse pay raise initiatives at the ballot box. Many people view college as an unnecessary career step, but also voice disdain towards “drop outs.” Even more quizzical is the public discourse around figures like Mark Zuckerberg. He’s often referred to in listicle articles featuring “the 10 most successful college drop outs.” Those drop outs are discussed as morally and intellectually superior, presumably because they made money from a product. Any other individual that leaves college or high school for perfectly good reasons but fails to make a billion dollars is simply a “drop out.” In my very small corner of the world, I interrupt meetings to chastise faculty that use the term drop out. It’s a term that does no intellectual work, and it’s unhelpful for thinking about why students leave college or graduate school. If graduate school is not working for you then you should leave. In fact, if any employment situation isn’t working for you, you should consider leaving (if possible).
Several years ago, one of my friends had made it known that they were extremely unhappy in their work. A constant stream of tweets and Instagram posts made it very clear. Their boss was an asshole, and they were in a location far from friends and family. The social media posts were filled with sympathetic comments from friends. After all, many working people feel disconnected and dissatisfied with their work. After a few years of enduring this job, the person managed to secure a new position in a completely different city and industry. The excitement was real. Their social media posts were filled with messages of support and congratulations. Parties were had, champagne was consumed. The person is now substantially happier.
When people leave toxic work environments, we rejoice. When people leave toxic graduate programs, people tend to react very differently. I’ve heard these students referred to as wash outs, babies, toddlers, trophy wife material, losers, idiots- the list goes on. The phrasing is often unsurprisingly gendered. It’s disgusting, and it’s just plain wrong.
Most people I know that have left graduate school are now orders of magnitude more happy. I’ve seen many people propagate the idea that unhappiness will travel with you, so a change in circumstances isn’t going to help, or that a student should just “tough it out” because they are only 3 years from finishing a PhD. Leaving a graduate program won’t resolve chronic mental health conditions. That being said, an enormously stressful or toxic environment will exacerbate these problems, and leaving academia behind could be a great move to improve a person’s mental and social well-being.
If you are thinking of leaving graduate studies, then remember you are not alone. In the last chapter, I wrote about how most graduate students don’t end up in professor positions. Presumably they end up doing something else and moving forward with their lives. Again, a majority of graduate students no longer work in academia. There isn’t anything wrong with being happy doing something else.
Further, you are not the only person thinking about leaving your graduate program. I was close to leaving several times. Many reasonable people are. In fact, it’s probably not a great idea to pursue graduate studies with an uncritical eye. Re-thinking your context is healthy and necessary. It’s not shameful to leave a graduate program. It’s not wrong to leave a graduate program. If you feel that your graduate program is toxic and unhealthy, then ask yourself questions about it. The answers will most likely involve leaving, and that’s okay. There are some things you should consider doing if leaving seems like a good option.
Find a Counselor/Therapist
If you are struggling with mental health issues, a professional can help you. If you are not struggling with mental health issues, a professional can help you. The biggest mistake people make at this stage is only discussing their potential graduate school departure with friends and professors. Most people are powerfully drawn to their cohort, and friendships are very important, but getting advice from fellow students about school is often not the best choice. Graduate students are often the most poorly situated individuals to give you advice about graduate school. They are great sources of moral support, but they lack the outside perspective needed for effective advice here. As awful as this sounds, professors in your program are also going to be ineffective sources of advice. If you are in a toxic program, word of your thinking about leaving will spread, and your conditions could deteriorate further. Again, professors in your program will lack the outside perspective that you could get from another person. Gas lighting from faculty is also a real problem in graduate programs. The collective response to your problems may be erasure by faculty that claim “it’s not that bad,” or “those things didn’t even happen!” Many universities have free counseling, and that’s a great place to start. It’s important to begin looking beyond your program for options. My current campus offers mental health counseling, but we also have a referral system that can connect students with off-campus counseling for little to no costs.
Find an Impartial Professor
Professors see a lot. A professor in a graduate program will have seen many students leave for greener pastures. They can, in the right circumstances, be really effective sources for advice. If you are thinking of leaving your program, I suggest finding a professor that isn’t related to your current situation. That can be someone on campus that isn’t particularly familiar with your program (this is incredibly hard to know. The person you talk to about leaving might be serving on a university committee with your advisor, so be cautious). In the best case, this professor works at another institution entirely. If you are in an MA/S, then talk to a professor from your undergraduate institution. If you are pursuing a PhD, talk to any professor not in your program. They will probably have some advice for you, but don’t base your entire decision on one source. Balance the views or your friends, your counselor/therapists, and these professors with your own instincts.
You Owe Your School Nothing
When I encounter people that are thinking about leaving graduate school, they invariably cite guilt as a reason for staying. They feel a professor/their program took a gamble on them and assumed some risk to pay for their studies. Bullshit. As much as contemporary universities try to brand themselves as morally upright institutions, they are often functioning as corporations, pure and simple. Most schools gleefully invest in athletics and “annual giving” as “revenue sources” while letting faculty, adjunct, and graduate student pay languish. Unless you are at an elite program, you are being underpaid. You owe the university nothing. Whether you are in an elite program or not, you don’t have to consider your impact on the university. There will be other students. In fact, there are probably other students waiting on your funding slot. If you are thinking of leaving, focus on yourself and your own well-being. If the university was worried about graduate students, they would get pay, health insurance, and respect. Treat it like a job, because they are certainly treating you like an hourly employee.
Start Looking for Full-Time Work
As I’ve stressed repeatedly in this book, you must make the best decision that you can for yourself in a given moment. If that involves leaving your program, then it does. There are some things to consider before leaving, if you are able (some toxic/harmful circumstances may require a student to depart suddenly. Make that decision if needed!). As you are thinking of leaving, it can be easy to focus only on that milestone, but there is a life outside of graduate school. As a student, you are most likely entitled to free career services through your school. Make some appointments, polish up your resume, and get some practice writing cover letters. I’ve worked at several universities with online job placement systems that are mostly designed for undergraduates, but there’s no reason you can’t use them. Many schools are also launching interviewing sessions, job fairs, and other events designed to connect students to employment.
Career services units often have resources that can help students identify possible careers. For someone leaving a graduate program, feeling a bit rudderless is normal, especially if you’ve invested a lot in your program. Finding an adjacent (or completely different) career path can be healing and liberating, but it will take some work. A career services unit can help you. Even if your specific graduate program isn’t working for you, do not discount the services that are offered by your university at large. Use those resources to your advantage.
