27 Practicing Active Listening
“We think we listen, but rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy.
Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that
I know.”
– Carl Rogers
A few years ago I was involved in mediation programs, organizing a college life-coaching program and conducting training with the residence advisors about suicide awareness. I realized that the key foundational skill for all of these training programs was the ability to listen without judgement to another person’s experience.
While the previous activities in this communication module were focussed on attitudes and knowledge about communication, connection and empathy, this activity starts the process of practicing these skills and getting them “pounded into the neural pathways,” (as Dan Harris puts it.)
Like most skills in life, it is awkward when first trying to develop a new way of responding. The end goal is not to sound like a robot repeating what is heard, but rather to integrate these skills into natural communication styles. This kind of listening is called “active” because it actually takes considerable energy to fully focus on another person’s experience and respond in a way that shows you are trying your best to understand them. It is also called “empathic” listening, because it requires the listener to identify the experiences and emotions of the speaker and respond to them in a way that demonstrates that they are tuning in to another person’s world. Becoming a skilled empathic listener is a life long process of practice, experimentation and discovery.
Empathic listening involves actively listening to others with the intention of understanding their feelings and perspectives. It requires being fully present, suspending judgment, and demonstrating empathy towards the speaker. Key components of empathic listening include non-verbal cues, paraphrasing, and reflecting on the speaker’s emotions.
Purpose
The purpose of this activity is to provide an opportunity to practice and deepen listening skills.
Learning Objectives
Participants will:
- Identify the components of empathic listening skills
- Practice empathic listening skills
- Practice observation skills and giving specific feedback to a listener
Activity Directions
- Micro-Skill Demonstration: Write the following listening micro skills on the board. Discuss each skill and provide examples. Facilitators present a 15 minute conversation where one person is the speaker and one is the listener. After the dialogue is complete, ask the class to share their observations. Ask for examples where they witnessed the micro-listening skills being used.
Listening Micro-Skills
- Body language, eye contact and facial expressions showed attentiveness
- Tone of Voice showed interest and caring
- Paraphrased feelings and content
- Clarified meanings
- Used open questions to deepen the conversation
- Summarized emotions and themes
2. Discuss: Read or post the following quote and ask for people’s reactions:
“Good listening is the most important ingredient in relationships. It is not a
passive undertaking; it takes alertness and energy, as the phrase ‘active listening’
suggests. It requires concentration, and a measure of confidence–and even courage–
to hear a person without interrupting or mentally preparing your reply.”-Joanna Macy
3. Examples of Reflections: Give some examples of active listening reflective responses and write them on the whiteboard so they can be referred to.
- Example: “It sounds like you are having a difficult time with your roommate right now. You feel frustrated when they are playing loud music and you are trying to study.”
- Example: “So you have been having trouble sleeping lately and you worry about your mom’s health. It seems like you are scared there might be something serious wrong with her and you are not sure how to help her.
4. Triad Practice: Explain to the participants that you will be dividing them into groups of three for practice sessions. Each person will get a chance to be a speaker, listener and observer. They can spread out from the seminar room and find places inside or outside where they can practice together. Give them the following hand-out with the tasks and roles. Allow at least an hour for the practice session so that each person gets 10 – 15 minutes to talk and the observer has 5 minutes to share their feedback.
Task and Roles for Active Empathic Listening Exercise
TASK: To take turns listening, speaking and giving feedback.
SPEAKER: Think of something from your present or past that has been a struggle for you. On a scale from 1 – 10, pick a problem that is about a 5 in intensity. You want something that is real and meaty, but not something so serious or traumatic that it will be difficult for you or the listener.
Talk to the listener about your challenge and pause after a few sentences so that they can respond.
Continue naturally with the conversation as they practice their listening skills. Speak for 10 – 15 minutes about your chosen topic.
LISTENER: When there is a pause, re-state what you heard. Try to include content and feelings. Keep the conversation going with questions. Use body language that shows interest and caring.
OBSERVER: Watch the listener during the interaction and give them feedback if you observed them using any of the following skills: –
- Body language and facial expressions that show attentiveness
- Tone of voice that shows interest and caring
- Paraphrasing of feelings and content
- Clarifying meaning
- Open questions that move the conversation deeper
- Summarizing overall issues and themes
Facilitation Note: I usually try to schedule this activity right before a lunch break or at the end of the day, so that it is not rushed, and each listener gets adequate time to practice their skills. It is helpful for the facilitators to circulate between the different groups and observe the interactions. At times, it can be helpful to sit next to the listener and coach them with some paraphrasing or questions that help deepen the dialogue.
Materials
- Worksheet with roles for triad practice sessions.
Further Resources for Deepening Practice:
Therapist Aid is a wonderful resource with free down-loadable worksheets for practicing communication skills. These worksheets can be used within the workshop format or given for homework to help consolidate the skills of reflecting feelings and content.
therapistaid.worksheet/reflections-communication
