11 Favourite Things Activity
“We are what we love. We are the things, the people, the ideas we spend our days with. They center us, they drive us, they define us to our very core.” – Daisy Whitney, “The Rivals”
Often when people decide to come for counselling, they have hit some kind of obstacle or difficult experience that has shaken their self-concept and their ability to cope. Because of this reality, initial conversations are often problem focused. However, counsellors, facilitators and teachers also have the role of helping people to recognize their unique identity and the personal gifts that have already helped them navigate their choices and challenges. The “Favourite Things” activity is an effective way of getting to know someone in a format that focuses on their core interests and the positive influences in their life. It helps put the current or past problem situations into a wholistic frame where it is possible to see the current challenges as threads in a broader tapestry of experience.
I first encountered this exercise at a community conference focussed on Women’s Self-Esteem in Salmon Arm, B.C. A group of 80 women were given a worksheet that helped them identify the characteristics of different influences in their lives and then recognize that the things that we love, reflect truths about our own personality and strengths. Since this time, I have usually used this exercise in individual counselling sessions, but it can also be used in a group as a way for people to deepen their understanding of each others’ interests and experiences.
PURPOSE:
This activity helps participants to identify their positive qualities and also allows the counsellor or educator to know different aspects of the person who has reached out to them for support.
Learning Objectives
Participants will:
- Reflect on personal influences.
- Explore how the things we love reveal aspects of ourselves.
- Describe how these strengths show up in their everyday lives.
Activity Directions
- Prepare page: Facilitator divides a blank page into three columns with the third column being larger than the first two. In the first column write the words: Music, Movie, Book, Teacher, Animal, Place, Person.
- Ask the person: “What is a music group or musician that you really like?” Write the name of the band or musician in the second column.
- Ask: “What are three adjectives that describe this band or musician?” Write the three adjectives in the third column. (Sometimes you need to give examples of adjectives, and sometimes it is worth writing down phrases the person uses to describe the item.)
- Ask: Go down the list of items in the first column, asking for the descriptive adjectives for each category ending with: “Who is a person, alive or dead, real or fictional, who has influenced you? What are three adjectives that describe this person?”
Read adjectives: At the top of the third column write the name of the person you have been interviewing and read to them the list of adjectives following the words:
Zamina is . . . . . .
Category |
Personal Choice |
Adjectives and Descriptive Words |
| Music | Bon Iver | Calm, emotional, contemplative |
| Movie/Series | Extraordinary Attorney Woo | Touching, quirky, funny, |
| Book/Blog | The Overstory | Interconnected, imaginative, mind-opening |
| Teacher | Carol | Listener extraordinaire, wise, innovative |
| Animal | Otter | Playful, adaptable, social |
| Place | Naryn River | Wild, flowing, filled with ancient secrets |
| Person or Hero | Pema Chodron | Kind, real, truth seeker |
When these adjective are read back to the person, the poem created from the person’s interests, sounds something like this:
Zamina is calm, emotional and contemplative.
She can also be touching, quirky and funny.
She experiences interconnections in imaginative and mind-opening ways.
Zamina is a listener extraordinaire, and a wise, innovative leader.
She is playful, social and flowing with wild and ancient secrets.
Zamina is kind, real and a truth seeker.
Note: Sometimes people will say that they can’t think of something they like in a particular category. You can just skip a category if they don’t relate to it, or add something else, like a tree they like, or a vacation they enjoyed, or video game, sport, instrument or subject in school etc. In addition, sometimes people cannot come up with an adjective but describe something in a phrase, so I usually try to capture the overall meaning. In the example above, the phrase “filled with ancient secrets” is not an adjective, but does add a poetic, descriptive phrase.
6. Explain to the person that the things that we love reflect aspects of our identity. We are all unique in what we are drawn to and what impacts us. Carl Jung said that the things that irritate us can reveal a projection of our own shadow characteristics. Similarly, we are often unconscious of our own positive characteristics and exploring things that excite and inspire us helps us notice how those qualities are a reflection of our identity.
7. Debrief their reaction: The following questions can deepen an exploration of what it feels like to hear these words as descriptions of oneself:
Exploration Questions:
- How do you feel when you hear those words describing you?
- Which words do you relate to and feel like they are accurately talking about you?
- Can you give examples from your life of when you have demonstrated some of these words?
- Which words do you not connect with? Is this quality something that might be developing in you but has not yet been realized? If this word does not fit for you, are there other words you would use to describe yourself?
- If you read this list of words to a close friend or someone you trust, what would they say about how accurately this describes you?
- Some people find it challenging to hear or think positive things about themselves. When you think about yourself, what kind of language do you use to describe yourself?
- How could you change your internal “self-talk” when you are speaking to yourself unkindly?
- Choose three words from this list that most accurately describe you. Say aloud “I am . . . . . . . . .(ex. “I am playful, wild and kind” from example above). How does it feel to say those words out loud?
- What can you do this week to explore and embody one of these words?
Follow-Up Activities
- Ask the participant to read the list once a day for the next week and see what thoughts, feelings and images come up as they read these descriptive words.
- Sometimes I have created a powerpoint slide show for the participant using their chosen musicians, animals etc. and asked them to add more images and words that describe themselves.
- I often write the words into a more poetic form and email them to the individual so that they can refer to it when they are being bullied by their negative self-talk.
Favourite Things Poem Examples
Here are two examples of poems created from the adjectives generated by a Mom and her 13 year old son. They both felt these words captured their essence.
Evan is creative, infinite, cool and social
He is getting stronger every day.
He is action packed and charming.
Evan is affectionate, loving and loyal.
He also has confusing, unintelligible moments.
Evan loves warm, tasty times in paradise
And is always excited to try new things!
Lisa is unflinchingly honest, hilarious, hopeful and heartbreaking.
She is zany, but also thoughtful and is continually growing towards a better version of herself.
She is spicy and filled with complex flavours.
She is graceful, powerful and slightly intimidating.
Lisa is filled with delicate, intricate layers and is lush with fertile beauty.
She is alive with spiritual depth and connected to everything around her.
Lisa is poetic, complex and open to multi-cultural wisdom.
She is warm, vulnerable and deeply authentic.
Adaptation for Online Learning
This activity works well on-line. The facilitator/counsellor can write the adjectives down either in the chat-box or on paper and then read them back to the participant.
Adaptation for Group or Class Situations
Make a worksheet with the three columns and categories listed in the first column. Take the full group through the process and then divide class into groups of three to discuss their personal adjective lists and their reactions to positive descriptors. If the group knows each other well, group members can also comment on how these descriptors fit with their perceptions and observations of the person.
