3 Setting the Tone with Group Agreements
Whether you are meeting with a group for a short period of time or it is an ongoing course or program, it is important to create clarity and safety by discussing the parameters the group agrees to as they embark on sharing and learning together. It can sometimes feel time-consuming to have this collaborative conversation, but it truly lays the foundation for building a respectful culture.
The Group Work Centre provides an excellent description of the process of brainstorming the question:
What’s going to help us work well together?
The key is the conversation about the agreements, not the final words you come up with.
The real power of agreements is in the fact that everyone has an opportunity to contribute and has their personal needs heard and generally met – and as a result, now feel safer. Many people don’t get this: agreements are first and foremost about creating safety, not about policing behaviour. This is why it never works to use someone else’s agreements.
Steps to facilitate group agreements
The key question to ask a group putting together agreements is:
“What’s going to help us work well together?”
Capture the words on a piece of butcher’s paper/poster so everyone can see them.
Scan the room and look for input. It can take a while to get started. Don’t be impatient.
If people throw up one word values like ‘Respect,’ ask them to unpack the word:
“Ok, great … so what would that look like?
What would someone be doing if they were sticking to that agreement?”
Once a set of words is offered (eg something like “Listening without interrupting”), check it out with the whole group. Look for nods of approval and a vibe that the words are acceptable.
“Does that make sense what Lisa is saying?”
Do not re-interpret what people offer. If you assist with the wording process, make sure the group is still happy once the words are written!
Notice body language. Agreement is often given by nodding but not always. People are sometimes thinking and may be in agreement but not showing any outward sign that they do. Look out for signs that suggest disagreement – folded arms, scowls; audible sighs or eye-rolling in extreme cases. When this happens, don’t be afraid to check it out.
“It looks like you might not be 100% on board with this agreement, Eric?”
People don’t like feeling rail-roaded. As facilitators we have to work against our internal need to have everyone agree quickly, which can come across as not listening or rushing the process.
Trust the group! These agreements are for them after all. Whatever is offered will add vital content to the conversation that is revealing the needs and characters of the individuals who are in the group.
As facilitator, when you listen to people who disagree, you help everyone to feel safer because they witness your willingness to engage with different ideas. As participants, we all worry that our opinion won’t be valued or will be different in some way (in our minds, “wrong”!), so our response as facilitators during this whole process is critical.
Keep looking for offers. Continue to harvest and write.
“So what else is going to make our day/team go well?”
On mobile phones or ‘devices’
In our experience, you may need to offer a couple of key items if they are not brought up by the group. Simply ask people:
“What do you want to do about mobile phones and devices?”
Then have the conversation. Mostly people will be happy to have them on silent and check during breaks. Stand by people with special needs or with sick kids etc, and show that things can always be negotiated. This brings out goodwill. When given the opportunity and responsibility, people are almost always happy to help.
“Are people happy for Sam to have the phone on vibrate to take a call from home?”
Agreement on confidentiality
This is the other key agreement that should be checked out. Sometimes it’s really important and if not included can limit the extent to which people feel safe to share information. We find that something around ‘sharing the learnings but protecting the stories’ is one way of navigating this. To have a blanket ‘cone of silence’ approach to confidentiality, can be both impractical and unhelpful to taking learnings back to others beyond the group.
If you are also a member of the group as well as the facilitator
Trust that the group will cover most things they need to work well together. If towards the end of the segment you feel there are some key agreements missing, only then suggest one or two additions of your own. Check whether the group wants to adapt your suggestions – or not.
Note to Time-Savers and Self-Confessed Control Freaks
You may have a fear that people won’t be able to agree, which is why many people resort to ‘Ground Rules’. Ironically and not surprisingly, presenting rules can trigger the very behaviours in people we are fearful of, because that idea spreads unconsciously throughout the group. Trust the group!
Source: Group Work Centre
After the group has finished coming up with the list of agreements and everyone feels comfortable with what is written, it is important to ask all participants to sign the flip chart paper to signify that they are truly committed to upholding the guidelines.
Additional Consideration: Stepping Out, Stepping In
After the charter is signed, I usually add one further invitation, called stepping out or stepping in.
Facilitator says: “As well as the agreements we all designed together, I would like to make one further suggestion. During this workshop there will be many small group and larger group discussions. I would like you to reflect on whether you are someone who finds it difficult or easy to speak up and share your thoughts and feelings.
This is a space where we would like to hear all voices and have everyone feel included. If you are someone who feels scared or awkward about sharing, I would like to invite you to occasionally move out of your comfort zone and experiment with sharing a little bit more. On the other hand if you are someone who is comfortable speaking out, I would like you to challenge yourself by holding back sometimes and letting us experience silence so that those who are a bit more tentative have the space to come forward. Take a moment and reflect on what your challenge is – do you want to work on speaking a bit more, or speaking a bit less so all voices can be heard?”
Facilitation Note: Framing the conversation this way, sets the group up for an expectation that silence is o.k. and that we want to avoid creating a culture dominated by a few confident voices. If there is a situation where one person seems to be taking up a lot of space, I have sometimes taken them aside and referred back to this discussion. I share my observation of the dynamic and thank them for their great contributions. I also let them know that I would like their help to bring forward some of the quieter voices. I ask if they would be willing to step back a bit and help me with inviting others to share.
