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November 24

St. Margaret, Lake Henry

A rush of memories came to me as I saw the twin spires of Lake Henry’s beautiful country church: pictures of my parents’ wedding, my baby sister’s funeral, and  my mom’s funeral. I was barely in the doors when my cousin wrapped me in a big embrace. Mona attended the church often as a child and had the equivalent of books full of memories compared to my own snapshots. She often visited my parents on the farm, helped us clean up the farm when they moved and kept in close contact when they moved to  Washburne Court, frequently calling, and generously sending cards and gifts. As a young teenager in eighty grade, Mom had lived with Mona’s family helping her older sister, Loretta, with her young family, which also helped Mom’s large immediate family with one less mouth to feed. These cousins had an incredibly close bond with my Mom as more of an older sister than an aunt. I could list quite a few people who would have given anything to have my Mom and Dad as their parents.  Our family wasn’t perfect, of course, but their appreciation made me aware that I won the family lottery.

With a handful of people there for daily Mass, Mona and I had our choice of pews in the large church.  A smile crossed my face when I saw the beeswax pillar candles flickering under a statue of Mary. Dan, Scott’s brother, would often light one for me and brought his granddaughter with to pray. McKayla’s prayer was, “Dear Jesus, Please give Linda all the toys she wants.”  From her lips to God’s ears, right?

Today was the Solemnity of the King of the Universe and Father Glenn aptly connected the gospel to the long-standing fascination with royalty, but stressed that God’s majesty is multiplied several times.  Plus, the King of the Universe is focused on service to the people and mercy to those in need unlike most other lowercase kings. “How can we serve Jesus?” Father Glen asked then explained that we are baptized into service, that each of us is unique and needs to use our talents. Regardless of our temperaments or our life circumstances, we need to both pray and listen.

Mom’s Eulogy

St. Margaret’s in Lake Henry is where my mother  was baptized, had her first reconciliation and communion, was confirmed, married and held her funeral mass. She was a parishioner of  St. Louis the majority of her adult life, but when Patti, Joe and I were planning her funeral, Father Glenn asked if St. Margaret would be an option and we wholeheartedly agreed.  How sweet for Mom to have so many sacraments in one church.

During her last days in her assisted living, I spent many hours watching her as she was quite restless. Once she bolted up in bed and said, “I need to get in line for communion,” and I crawled in beside her and held her until she fell asleep. She called out to Jesus frequently, always in joy, even rapture.

After a long fight against cancer, going with comfort cares was again that switch we saw with Dad where the focus shifts from life to death. Cancer switched from a dreadful enemy and curse to a blessing as it would certainly shorten the process.

When I asked hospice for respite care, we transferred Mom from her assisted living apartment to a bed at the hospital. Family and friends visited often as word spread that her end was near. We prayed the rosary and the Divine Chaplet often. I left late on Thursday night after hours of watching her breath slow, stop and restart. I remembered that my grandfather had passed the one time my aunts left the room. Perhaps Mom could not let go until she was by herself too. Sure enough, the nurse called within hours. Our families gathered and one by one stood in her room. Two nurses stood by her bedside and sang “Amazing Grace” for us. One later confided that the lights had flickered once near the nurses station and when she checked in room 161, Mom had just passed away.

The next day was Ben’s high school graduation party. Knowing Mom would not have wanted it rescheduled, we carried on as planned. I had not planned on anyone helping, but two angels, Laurel and Mona, not only brought extra desserts, but also spent the entire day making sure the buffet was stocked and cleaned the kitchen, the kind of support I could never fully repay.

While I spent her last days with her at Washburne Court, I started writing  Mom’s eulogy. She had a folder ready with pictures picked out and a list of family she kept updated who preceded her in death along with survivors for her obituary. She slept a lot and the nursing staff checked in often and helped me become more involved in her cares with each visit. It really was a labor of love.

Mom’s Eulogy:

Kinder, Kuche, Kirche. Kaiser Wilhelm’s definition of the role of women as children, kitchen and church is antiquated, but for Mom, it was fitting. We’d also add in teaching and dancing–in her case, sometimes both at the same time. She was a dedicated wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, teacher. Thank you for coming today to pay your respects to her.

Kinder. If she would have had her way, there would be a dozen children reading this eulogy. Imagine 4 of each of us….yikes!  Before we arrived on the scene (and some of us created quite a scene) Mom and dad had foster children and had many nieces and nephews and family friends spend the summer. We certainly felt cherished and prized. She always kept the house decorated from one holiday into the next. Her role for the past 25 years as grandma was one she adored.

Kuche. Mom’s cooking was divine and she loved to have people gather for a meal. We seldom ate out as children since she and Dad raised all types of animals and had a bountiful garden. The best part of the meal was when she announced, “Keep your forks,” which meant a delicious dessert was to follow.

Kirche. Church. Church was literally imprinted upon her. Mom had tiny imprint scars of three fingers on her forehead from a childhood incident when she made the sign of the cross with what she thought was Holy Water, but turned out to be some acid that ate through her clothes and burned her skin. She was active in so many church activities, but Adoration was her favorite. Now in heaven she can take shifts 24/7. We are so pleased her funeral is held today at St. Margaret’s where she received the sacraments of baptism, first reconciliation, communion, confirmation and matrimony.

Being a teacher was truly a calling for Mom. She started teaching as a young woman of 19 years in South Dakota as just one year of college was enough then. She loved her classes and her  students adored her. Even with the bell. The infamous bell. She had a bell that she used for discipline and once when she was absent, the enterprising 2nd graders disabled it.

Mom also loved dancing with Dad, the love of her life,  and they went several times per month, ballroom and square dancing across Stearns County. Their life was like one big date. Dad would often offer to “marry her one day” after meals which puzzled young Joe when he found their wedding photo. She loved holiday get-togethers with her siblings and can imagine she has played a few hands of cards in heaven with the collection of Ludwigs. Her remaining siblings and their children were so good to visit her often, brightening her day.

Though her last years were filled with medical appointments, she was always good-nature and appreciative, never full of pity. Once she made the decision to begin hospice, she deteriorated rapidly and was kept comfortable until the end. She said a lot of rosaries and even the “Glory Be” in her sleep. At the end she was comforted by listening to the rosary, especially if the “Hail Mary” was altered slightly to “the hour of my death.”  She had planned her funeral well in advance, even before she was diagnosed with cancer. Who writes a Thank You note in advance?  Mom. Thank you for being here today to celebrate her, thank you for being part of her life. Please join us following Mass for a meal in the basement and remember to “Keep your Fork.”  Oh, and your spoon– Pie and Ice Cream.