by Sandra Collins, Gina Ko, Yevgen Yasynskyy, Gina Wong, Elaine Berwald, Melissa Jay, Michael Yudcovitch, Ivana Djuraskovic, and Amy Rubin

One of the overarching themes that runs throughout this chapter is connection and disconnection. Many clients experience brokenness in relationship—with self, with others, with communities, or with society. As we learn to centre relationships in counselling practice, the client–counsellor relationship gains potential to offer clients a safer space to heal in relationship.  In this chapter we invite you to enhance your understanding of the importance of exploring client emotions and embodied experiences and to develop proficiency in the intentional use of relevant microskills. Client experiences of emotion and embodiment are often intimately connected to their sense of connection to self and others. We begin by positioning connection and disconnection in the context of attachment theory. We then look at the process of developing mutual cultural empathy with clients as a foundation for safer, therapeutic connections within client–counsellor relationships. We argue that both client and counsellor relational patterns of connection–disconnection can influence the formation of growth-fostering therapeutic relationships.

Figure 1

Chapter 5 Overview

RELATIONAL PRACTICES

A. Growth-Fostering Relationships

We argued in the first four chapters that there is much more to effective counselling practice than matching up clients’ presenting concerns with particular therapeutic processes; in fact, this approach is now considered dated and ineffective (Norcross & Wampold, 2018). Instead we have centralized relationships as a foundation for counselling practices with all clients. In this chapter we examine the ways in which relationship disruptions, within families, communities, or nations factor into comprehensive understanding of client challenges. We then explore ways of creating relational spaces in counselling that can support growth and healing.

1. Connection–Disconnection

Collins (2018) pointed to the importance of awareness of the processes of connection–disconnection both within, and outside of, the counselling relationship. She noted feminist and relational-cultural therapy (Brown, 2010; Jordan, 2010; Lenz, 2016; Singh & Moss, 2016) as two examples of culturally responsive counselling frameworks that foreground the importance of inviting clients to attend to, and heal from, relational disruptions and disconnections at the intrapersonal, interpersonal, and systemic levels. Relational disconnection from self or others is often precipitated by both external experiences of oppression or violence and corresponding internalized oppression. Recall the video by Catherine Richardson on response-based practice in Chapter 4. She introduced four operations that perpetuate blaming victims of violence. Victim-blaming is yet another way to maintain the cultural oppression of persons and people within society by disabling, pathologizing, dismissing, or erasing their acts of resistance (McBride et al., 2017). Internalized oppression is expressed often through a sense of deep shame. Consider the argument below by Brené Brown that shame then poses a barrier to connection. With disruption, clients can find themselves in a cycle of disconnection.

2. Attachment

The report by Norcross and Wampold (2018) on the American Psychological Association (APA) Task Force on Evidence-Based Relationships and Responsiveness pointed to attachment style as one of the emergent client factors that appeared promising, but which required further research in terms of its influence on counselling efficacy (Chapter 1). Similarly Parrow et al. (2019), in their review of evidence-based relationship factors, highlighted the importance of the bond between counsellor and client and pointed to the role of attachment theory in enhancing our understanding of the nature of the therapeutic relationship and ensuring its optimal efficacy for clients. For those of you less familiar with attachment theory, the video below provides an overview of the basic concepts and principles that have emerged from psychological research on attachment.

Attachment and Relationship Building

In the first few chapters, we highlighted a number of counsellor and relationship factors that have the potential to increase the bond between counsellor and client, to communicate a sense of caring, to enhance trust, and to support a sense of safety. We also pointed to the specific relational practices and counsellor behaviours that promote the development of positive emotional connection or bond between counsellor and client (Parrow et al., 2019). However, it is also important to keep in mind that this bond is bidirectional; there are always at least two people engaged in the therapeutic relationship. Understanding both your own and client attachment styles opens the door to supporting secure, growth-fostering therapeutic relationships.

Identity Fractures Due to Colonization

For the most part psychologists and counsellors writing about attachment conceptualize client challenges through the lens of interpersonal connection–disconnection with caregivers or significant others. However, there is an emergent critique of the attachment literature that foregrounds colonization as an intentional and systemic campaign to disrupt intrapersonal connection to self and interpersonal connection within Indigenous families and communities (Dupuis-Rossi, 2018, 2020; Dupuis-Rossi & Reynolds, 2018). Dupuis-Rossi (2020) points to the limitations of the common use of the term, attachment disruption, because it “conceals the violence of colonization by locating relational distress in individual pathology occurring within the limited and limiting social construct of the European nuclear family,” and it “obscures Indigenous sacred connections and relationships to land, culture, spirit, community, [knowledge systems,] and the interconnectivity to all our relations” (“Attachment Disruption” section, para. 1). In the video below Indigenous Advisor, Liaison, and Cultural Carrier, Elaine Berwald, speaks to the identity fractures due to ongoing colonization in her reflections on identity.

3. Empathy

Empathic understanding was one of the eight evidence-based relationship factors identified by Parrow et al. (2019) and one of the relationship factors proven to be effective in the meta-analyses reported by Norcorss and Wampold (2018). Empathy is a central component of many therapeutic models; however, it is important to cast a critical lens on what we mean by this concept, particularly in the context of client and counsellor cultural identities and social locations. Paré (2013) defined empathy as the ability to “resonate with another’s experience” (p. 60), not by imagining what that person’s lived experience might be like for you (ethnocentricity), but rather what it is like for them (client-centred practice). As with other forms of communication we explore in this resource, empathy comes to life within the relationship between counsellor and client. The counsellor can experience empathic connection with a client, but if they fail to communicate that sense of care-filled connection to the client’s experience, then their empathy will not be perceived or received by the client.

Some writers position empathy as a specific counselling microskill. We have chosen not to do this, because there are many ways to communicate empathy to clients. For example, empathy can be communicated effectively through nonverbal means such as body language, as well as verbally by reflecting back what the client has said, or through judicious use of self-disclosure. In this chapter we introduce the microskill of reflecting feelings, which is another powerful way to communicate empathic understanding of client’s lived experiences.

In some counselling models, various levels of empathy are presumed, with more advanced empathy associated with interpretation of a client’s inferred meaning or feelings (Cormier et al., 2017). The microskills presented in this chapter may be used to support the theoretical goal of interpretation. However, interpretation implies a level of expertise over the client’s lived experiences on the part of the counsellor that does not fit easily with collaborative and client-centred relational practices. The difference between contributing to shared understanding versus interpreting for clients is a subtle, but important, distinction. We argue that the client remains the expert on their lived experiences, feelings, thoughts, and behaviours. You may favour a theoretical model that integrates counsellor interpretation; however, we strongly encourage you to consider the ways in which the use of particular counselling microskills, embedded in a process of mutual cultural empathy, can support you to accomplish the intent of interpretation in a way that emphasizes client empowerment and reflects intentional collaboration with clients.

Mutual Cultural Empathy

What distinguishes empathy from cultural empathy is the counsellor’s intentional mirroring or reflection to clients of understanding, appreciation, and prioritizing of the client’s culturally embedded identities, worldviews, values, norms, and relationalities. This includes acknowledgement of, compassion for, and alliance against, experiences of cultural oppression. Attempts at expressing empathy in a way that are not so contextualized risk further marginalization of client perspectives; instead, the messages sent by the counsellor must be understood from within the client’s frame of reference or ways of knowing (Jean Baker Miller Training Institute [JBMTI], 2017; Willis-O’Connor et al., 2016). Consider the reflection below on culture-specific empathic responses based on social class.

The concept of mutual empathy derives from the feminist therapy focus on egalitarian relationships and mutuality within the client–counsellor relationship (Brown, 2010). This model assumes that when two (or more) people engage in an authentic relationship with each other, they both influence, and are influenced by, that relationship. This concept was extended in relational-cultural theory to mutual cultural empathy. Mutual cultural empathy occurs when each person in the relationship opens to deeper understanding, compassion, and mutual growth by engaging in open and authentic conversations about personal cultural identities in the sociocultural contexts of their lives (JBMTI, 2017; Jordan, 2010; Singh & Moss, 2016). One of our goals in this ebook is to invite, encourage, even implore you to open to change based on your encounters with the stories you encounter and the diversity of perspectives with which you engage.

4. Presence

In the video below Melissa Jay and Amy Rubin talk about the power of being present in our work with clients, looking at counsellor presence from a holistic perspective. Their invitation to bring yourselves fully into your encounters with clients resonates with Gina Wong’s idea of being with clients as a way of creating a safe and secure space for them to do the work that they need to do.

COUNSELLING PROCESSES

A. Conceptualizing Client Lived Experience

1. Exploring Client Challenges

Figure 2

Culturally Responsive and Social Just Conceptualization of Client Lived Experiences

This image is described in the audio below.

In the first few chapters we focused on the question: What is the client’s presenting concern? (upper left) as we began to gather information from the client about who they are and what brings them to counselling. In this chapter we begin to examine the second question: How do the client and counsellor make sense of the client’s challenges and the contexts in which they arise? (upper middle). In Chapter 4 we introduced various domains of experience (i.e., emotion and embodiment, thoughts and beliefs) to support a multidimensional understanding of client lived experiences. Before introducing specific microskills, we invite you to consider more fully what it means to develop an understanding of client affect and embodiment.

2. Understanding Affect and Embodiment

Holding space for clients to engage with emotions and embodiment is possible only when we, as counsellors, come to the relationship from a place of being present and embodied. If we rush into a session with clients, we may bring with us distractions from our day or stressors from our lives, or we can simply stay confined in our heads. As a result it will be more difficult to move into exploring affect and embodiment with clients. For this reason it is important to find ways to ground ourselves in the moment, in our bodies, in the relationship. Let’s revisit the discussion of ways of being in Chapter 2, attending to how we might be with clients in a feeling space.

In Chapter 8 we explore religion and spirituality as an important dimension of client lived experience and cultural identities, recognizing that this focus has often been neglected or marginalized in the theory and practice of counselling and psychology. What are the implications of omitting spirit in counselling with all clients and specifically in working with Indigenous clients? How does expanding domains of experience to mind–body–spirit–heart fit within your cultural worldview? Melissa centred feeling in embodiment and integration of heart and spirit. As you move into the exploration of emotion and embodiment in this chapter, we invite you to be open to spirit, however spirit is defined or expressed by you and your client.

One of the major themes in this ebook is the importance of taking time to build relationships with your clients and to move alongside them into whatever dimensions of their lived experience present challenges to their health and well-being. We have purposefully chosen to draw your attention to client feelings and embodiment before moving into thoughts and beliefs, because it is sometimes more difficult for counsellors to be with clients in their feelings than it is to explore what they are thinking. There are several possible reasons for why emotions may be more difficult to explore, including (a) the emphasis on the cognitive domain in many models of counselling; (b) the tendency in eurocentric worldviews, which have been paramount in the profession, to foreground and value thinking over feeling; and (c) the sense of urgency to “fix a problem” that may lead counsellors to foreclose on fully exploring client lived experiences.

The ways in which feelings are experienced, named, and expressed, as well as how they are embodied, may differ substantively across cultural contexts. In Chapter 2 we encouraged you to pay careful attention to how you interpret client body language; similarly, it is important to hold tentatively to what you assume is being communicated by client emotions.

MICROSKILLS AND TECHNIQUES

The Responsive Microskills and Techniques summary provides a quick reference to each of the microskills and techniques introduced in this chapter.

A. Microskills

These microskills are specifically focused on exploring affect and embodiment with clients: reflecting feelings, inviting embodiment, and providing immediacy. One additional microskill, checking perceptions, draws attention to the importance of remaining client-centred by ensuring counsellors check in with clients to see whether their evolving understanding of client lived experiences aligns with clients’ perceptions. We will use perception checking to ensure shared understanding of other domains of client experience as well.

1. Reflecting Feelings

It is also important to be able to communicate to clients that you are attending to, and understanding (as closely as possible), what they are feeling. In Chapter 2 you were introduced to paraphrasing, which can be used to communicate to clients the feelings you have picked up on. However, paraphrasing is limited to the clients’ own words or words that are very close in nature (e.g., You are angry; I hear frustration; Annoyance). Paraphrases are particularly useful early in conversation when the focus is on communicating that you are listening and acknowledging client lived experiences. However parroting client words or using synonyms can wear thin quickly, and as a result, you can also miss opportunities to engage in deeper understandings of client feelings.

The difference between paraphrasing and reflecting feeling is the addition of novel language that invites deeper understanding of affect and embodiment (e.g., You are angry [paraphrasing]; I sense hurt underneath the anger [reflecting feeling]; I also hear some disappointment [reflecting feeling]). Often the process of incorporating a new twist or underlying feeling is referred to as adding inference. An inference is not the same as a guess (which is based on chance). An inference, on the other hand, is grounded in what you already know about the client, what you pull together in your mind from the information they have shared, what you observe from attending to their nonverbal behaviour, the connections you make from your professional experience, or your own attuned feelings and embodied responses in-the-moment. At the same time, an inference extends beyond what the client has actually said to invite deeper exploration of their feelings.

The microskill of reflecting feelings typically involves short statements highlighting a particular feeling: I hear sadness; You are feeling disappointed; I can sense your relief. When you reflect feelings back to clients, it is important to stop talking after this brief statement to allow space for the client to consider the feeling you have offered into the conversation. The hope is that your inference fits for the client, resonates with their experience, and invites further dialogue. Sometimes you will miss the mark. However if you reflect feeling in the context of a trusting and client-centred relationship, most clients will let you know why the words you chose did not fit, and they may offer alternates to move you toward a shared understanding of their feelings.

Effectively feeling reflections are foundational to communicating empathy. Such reflections let clients know that you are with them, that you are listening to them at the feeling level, and that you are attempting to understand how they feel. They often have the effect of validating their affective experiences. There will be times when you may appropriately respond to client feelings by expressing your own affective reaction through self-disclosure (e.g., I am saddened deeply by your experience; I can feel my own frustration rising as you share your story). However, it will not be helpful to the client for you to be overcome by these feelings or to shift the attention from the client’s experience to your own. In most cases, your expression of mutual empathy will come through the language you use.

One of the keys to reflecting feeling is to keep your statements short (e.g., Simon, I hear a sense disillusionment; You seem to be feeling hurt). If you keep talking once you have offered up a feeling word to the client, you may end up moving away from the focus on affect. For example, you might say: You are feeling disappointed because you trusted him, and he didn’t follow through. Adding why the client feels a certain way may lead them down the path of focusing on the reasons behind an experience rather than their feelings about the experience. Or you could respond with I can sense a wee bit of optimism, but then it seems like you don’t really believe what he is saying, and this reinforces your assumptions about how things will play out. In this case, Simon might lean into his beliefs and assumptions rather than his feelings. In both of these cases, you have distracted the client from the affect or feeling focus. In the context of the applied practice activities later in the chapter, these statements would not be considered clear examples of reflecting feeling.

2. Checking Perceptions

Particularly in the early stages of developing a relationship with clients, it is easy to misunderstand what clients are telling you, because you each bring your own personal, historical, cultural, and contextual lenses to the conversation. It takes time to develop a shared understanding of client values, worldview, lived experiences, and so on. Perception checking is an important way of being tentative about your attempts at communicating understanding and inviting moment-by-moment feedback from the client.

3. Inviting Embodiment

You can encourage clients to talk about feelings by supporting them to shift their focus from their mind to their body, which in some cases may be outside of their normal comfort zone. The microskill of inviting embodiment aims specifically at drawing attention, gently and respectfully, to the ways in which emotions are experienced in, or expressed through, the body.

It is challenging for counsellors to invite clients into an embodied experience if they themselves are in a state of disembodiment. We have integrated videos, particularly those by Melissa Jay and Amy Rubin, throughout this resource to remind you to bring your whole selves into the counselling process. By doing so you create space for clients to also experience themselves from the mind–body–spirit–heart place into which Melissa invited you earlier in the chapter.

4. Offering Immediacy

This particular microskill provides clients with feedback related specifically to what is happening in the here-and-now for the client. When offering immediacy, you may focus on one or both of the following:

• What is going on for the client themselves in the moment.
• What is going on in the counselling relationship in the moment.

The first focus may involve pointing out a change in body posture, tone of voice, or other verbal or nonverbal signals that suggest something has shifted on the part of the client: I notice that you just pushed your chair back a few inches, or You’ve become quiet all of a sudden. Alternatively the counsellor may focus on observing what is happening in the client–counsellor interaction in that moment, including the client’s engagement in the process: I feel like I missed the mark with my last statement, and you seem a bit disconnected from our conversation. These observations of the process serve the purpose of providing clients with further feedback that can engage them in the process and encourage further self-exploration or self-awareness on their part. In each case it is the embodiment of client emotions or responses that the counsellor is exploring.

We use the language of offering immediacy to communicate that counsellor observations are offered up tentatively for client reflection. This microskill is sometimes referred to in other resources as paraphrasing nonverbal communication or process observing.

Commenting on shifts in client posture, affect, and other forms of nonverbal communication can be a powerful way to bring a client’s attention to what is happening in the here-and-now, or to bring into awareness a potential incongruence between what the client is saying and what their body language is communicating. In the skills synthesis section below we provide additional examples of the microskill of offering immediacy.

5. Skills Synthesis

Clear and Concise Microskills

Using clear and concise microskills is an important strategy for ensuring effective communication with clients. For the most part, Sandra and Gina keep their counsellor verbalizations clear and concise so that the message is clear to the client. When counsellors ramble or string together multiple ideas in a single sentence, clients may begin to tune out or become frustrated with the conversation. Listen to the audio demonstrations below to get a sense of what happens when the counsellor’s skill use is convoluted and complex.

If you were the client, how would you respond to each of these counsellor verbalizations? How much easier would it be for you to engage in the conversation if the counsellor used clear and concise microskills? As you engage in your applied practice activities later in the chapter, pay attention to keeping your counsellor statements short so that the meaning and intent is clear to the client.

B. Techniques

In some chapters we include techniques based on the relational concepts, principles, and practices introduced. The technique of practising grounding is not part of the applied practice activities; however, we encourage you to try out some of these activities on your own.

1. Practising Grounding

Practising grounding is introduced in this chapter for two reasons.  Firstly some clients may struggle to get in touch with their emotional experiences, in particular to connect to what is happening in their bodies. This can be especially true for clients who have experienced trauma for whom disconnection from emotion and embodiment may have served them well in coping with their experiences in the past. It can also be the case for clients who tend to race around in their minds and place little attention on experiences outside of the cognitive domain. Grounding exercises can support clients to be present to themselves and to the therapeutic conversation and relationship, and supports them in developing a sense of safety in the here-and-now. Secondly we are strongly encouraging counsellors to bring themselves in wholeness into their relationships with clients, which necessarily means getting touch with their own emotions and embodied experiences.

The following is a sampling of activities that support the process of coming to the present and connecting with emotions and embodied experiences. There are many other options that can accomplish the same goal. It is important to attend to client cultural norms as you select an appropriate grounding practice, in particular if you and your client are not from the same cultural background. Dupuis-Rossi and Reynolds (2019) speak to the importance of culturally relevant grounding as a way for Indigenous therapists to support Indigenous clients who have been traumatized as a result of colonization and who experience dissociation. The use of culture-specific grounding processes supports Indigenous clients to experience a sense of internal safety in the here-and-now. Such practices would not be appropriate for use by non-Indigenous practitioners. However, as part of responsive relationship-building, you may invite clients to identify practices that fit for them and tentatively introduce your own ideas for their consideration.

REFLECTIVE PRACTICE

A. Enhancing Reflective Functioning

Our intention in this ebook is twofold: (a) to increase your self-awareness and capacity to engage in reflective practice, in order (b) to enhance your ability to engage in care-filled, culturally responsive, and client-centred relationships with all clients. Let’s pick up on the concept of reflective functioning or mentalization introduced by Gina Wong earlier in the chapter. There is growing evidence that therapist capacity for reflective functioning can be enhanced and that increased capacity for reflective functioning positively influences therapist efficacy and their own sense of well-being (Brugnera et al., 2020; Ensink et al., 2013). Exploring and supporting narrative coherence is one of the processes associated with enhancing reflective functioning.

B. Enlisting Your Own Story

Drawing on your learning throughout this chapter, and more specifically the videos by Gina Wong, we invite you to apply the principles of reflective functioning as you continue to explore your own story. Counsellors share a belief that human beings have tremendous capacity for growth and healing. You have the opportunity to offer the type of reparative relationship to yourself (and others) that can facilitate the earned attachment Gina spoke of in her final video. As you continue to work with your own story initiated in Chapter 1, take some time to reflect on the coherence of your narrative, drawing on some of the questions Gina posed in the video.

• How does your narrative of growing up hold together?
• How do you make sense of your story?
• Who provided you with a sense of relational security: your parent(s), your caregiver, or other significant adults?
• What gaps or holes do you notice in your story?
• How clear are your memories? What might be missing?
• Who was there to mirror your emotions or validate them?
• Does your story unfold coherently, or is it challenging to see how bits and pieces fit across time?

As you reflect honestly and without judgement on your story, applying a lens of relational curiosity, what do you wonder about? What meaning do you make of the degree of coherence you observe? Identify the principles, concepts, and practices from this chapter with which you resonate as you reflect on how you make sense of your upbringing and how your story may influence the personal challenge you explore from chapter-to-chapter in this ebook.

C. Engaging with Client Stories

APPLIED PRACTICE ACTIVITIES

If you can work with a different peer to complete the applied practice activities, this might be a good time to pick a new partner. If you do switch partners and you do not have an established connection, take some time to connect outside of the applied practice activities to build a relational foundation before starting these activities. The activities in Chapters 5, 6, and 7 move into multidimensional exploration of client lived experiences, beginning with a focus on emotions and embodied experiences explored in this chapter. You may want to print out the Chapter 5 Applied Practice Activities before you begin your practice session. The

A. Responsive Microskills

Preparation

You will support your partner’s practice of the microskills introduced in this chapter by choosing a topic that facilitates exploration of emotion and embodiment. Remember, however, to select a topic that will allow you to avoid introducing traumatic experiences or disturbing emotions.

Please prepare in advance to talk about a challenge in your life that is related to, or influenced by, experiences of relational connection–disconnection. You may want to focus on one or more of these dimensions: (a) intrapersonal (i.e., struggles with wholeness of self), (b) interpersonal (i.e., challenges in relationships), or (c) systemic (i.e., relationship to community or society as a whole). Consider in advance your level of comfort in talking about your own attachment style, challenges in connections with others, or experiences of fractures (internal, familial, or community) due to colonization or other forms of cultural oppression. The activities below provide an opportunity to reflect on these influences on who you are as a cultural being and a counsellor. However you are always in charge, as the client, about what you choose to share or not share.  Pay close attention to your internal state, and let your partner know if you want to stop talking about something, or that you need a break.

You will begin to lengthen the time of each practice round, so that you become comfortable with longer intentional conversations. For the applied practice activities in this chapter, please spend 8–9 minutes each in the counsellor roles.

1. Warm-Up Activity: Authentic Conversations (30 minutes) 

Preparation

Choose an experience from your week that brought you joy, excited or motivated you, or left you feeling affirmed, encouraged, or supported. The intent of this activity is start moving in the direction of exploring emotions with each other. Come prepared with a copy of the feelings wheel that Gina Ko uses in her practice. This wheel can help you identify words to describe your emotions.

Think ahead to common idioms or expressions on which people often draw when they are uncomfortable with emotion (e.g., I know how you feel. Nothing bad lasts for ever. You still have your health. Words fail me. Time heals all wounds). You will want to avoid such closed statements during the first exercise.

Skills practice (4–5 minutes each)

You do not need to record this practice activity.

• Client: Describe the experience, without stating how you felt (feel) about it.
• Counsellor:
  • Use questioning or probing to elicit more information about the client’s experience, focusing on their feelings.
  • Use the microskill of reflecting feeling, following the response from the client, to add an additional feeling word that seems like a good fit for what the client is experiencing. The purpose is to express empathy and to deepen understanding of their feelings.
• Client: Give the counsellor a thumbs up or thumbs down based on how well their choice of feeling word resonates with you, but do not discuss your assessment with them.
• Counsellor:
  • Try out other feeling words, drawing on the feelings wheel, as necessary, until you get a thumbs up from the client.
  • Then use questioning or probing to find out more about the experience, and repeat the process by reflecting feeling, starting with a new feeling word.

Continue directly into the second part of this practice activity.

Skills practice (2–3 minutes each)

• Client: Continue to talk about the topic.
• Counsellor: Instead of reflecting feeling, draw on one of the common idioms or expressions you noted ahead of time, or make a similarly trite statement to the client.
• Client: Give the counsellor a thumbs up or thumbs down based on how well their choice of feeling word resonates with you, but do not discuss your assessment with them.

Reflective practice and feedback

• What was it like to receive a thumbs up or thumbs down as you made inferences about the client’s feelings? How was this helpful or not helpful in co-constructing shared understanding?
• Contrast compassionate and empathic reflection of feelings with the use of common idioms, from both counsellor and client perspectives.

2. Exploring experiences of disconnection (30 minutes)

Skills practice (8–9 minutes each)

• Client: Introduce a challenge in your life that is related to experiences of relational connection–disconnection. Focus on your emotions (rather than thoughts or beliefs).
• Counsellor:
  • Use microskills from Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 to start off your dialogue and to focus attention on client emotions (e.g., transparency, questioning).
  • Then draw on the microskill of reflecting feelings to respond to the client. Keep your statements short, offering up additional feeling words to enhance your shared understanding of the client’s experience in the affective domain.
  • Where appropriate, follow up your reflecting skills with checking perceptions to invite client feedback and ensure client-centred understanding.
  • Near the end of your conversation, introduce the microskill of offering affirmations (from Chapter 4) to communicate empathy and foreground client resistance, strengths, or competencies.

Reflective practice and feedback

• Provide feedback to each other on the skills practice goals for this activity. Remember to be specific, descriptive, immediate, and nonevaluative.
• Reflect critically on the connection between the use of these skills and (a) coming closer to a shared understanding of each other’s challenges, and (b) building connection, trust, and a sense of empathy within the client–counsellor relationship.

3. Facilitators and Barriers to Connection (40 minutes)

Preparation (together)

Discuss in advance each person’s comfort level with talking about the ways in which their experiences of disconnection may influence connection-building with others, particularly clients. Before you begin the skills practice reflect explicitly on the ways in which power dynamics and social location (Chapter 4) may enter your relationship as peer partners. If either of you chooses not to proceed with this topic, select a different topic that supports engagement with emotion from within your comfort zone.

Skills practice (8–9 minutes each)

• Client: Continue to talk about your experiences, opening the door to a conversation about challenges and facilitators to building connections (or an alternative topic).
• Counsellor:
  • Draw on the microskills of reflecting feeling and checking perceptions in your responses to build a shared understanding of the emotion underlying this experience.
  • Pay attention to any tendency on the part of the client to explain, critique, or otherwise shift into thoughts and beliefs. Draw on microskills from Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 to maintain the focus on client emotions.
  • Look for an opportunity to invite embodiment to shift the conversation from describing emotions to appreciating the ways in which the client holds those emotions in their body.

Reflective practice and feedback

• How challenging was it to stay focused in the feeling domain? What specific barriers did you encounter? How might you overcome these?
• What did you learn about your patterns of connection–disconnection through the focus on emotion and embodiment? What might have been missed by a focus on only thinking?

4. From Empathy to Mutual Cultural Empathy (50 minutes)

Preparation

Draw on one of the scenarios from the What if I don’t like my client? learning activity (earlier in the chapter), or imagine a scenario in which you might find it difficult to feel or express mutual cultural empathy with a client. If you choose a client with whom you have worked, please be very careful not to share any details that would identify that person.

Skills practice (8–9 minutes each)

• Client: Talk about your fears, resistance, self-doubt, or other emotions related to connecting on an empathic level with the client you envision.
• Counsellor:
  • Draw on the microskill of reflecting feelings in your initial responses to intentionally build shared understanding.
  • Look for an opportunity to offer immediacy by attending carefully to the client’s nonverbal communication.
  • Follow up by inviting embodiment to explore in greater depth their embodied emotions in-the-moment.

Skills practice (3–4 minutes each)

• Counsellor:
  • To move from empathy to mutual cultural empathy, draw on the skill of self-disclosing (Chapter 3) to share with the client an immediate, in-the-moment, emotional response to their lived experience (e.g., As you were talking, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach). Allow time for a short response from the client.
  • Next use the second form of self-disclosing by talking briefly about your cultural identity, history, or other relevant lived experience. Allow time for a short response from the client.

Reflective practice and feedback

• Recall the definition of reflective functioning or mentalization (i.e., ability to appreciate client mental states, including emotions). How would you rate your current capacity to experience empathy for clients? How did the focus on emotion and embodiment influence your reflective functioning?
• How did the introduction of self-disclosure support the shift from empathy to mutual empathy? What are the implications for you in building connections with all clients, even with those with whom you struggle to connect?

5. Integrating Mind–Body–Spirit–Heart (20 minutes)

Preparation

In your role as counsellor, attend to your own embodiment in this final short dialogue. Consider the question posed by Melissa Jay earlier in the chapter: “How am I being in this doing?”

Skills practice (5–6 minutes each)

• Client: Pick up on any topic you want to discuss further from these practice activities (or the themes in this chapter).
• Counsellor:
  • Draw on any of the microskills in this chapter to explore client emotions and embodiment.
  • Attend simultaneously to your own emotions and embodiment.

Reflective practice and feedback

• To what degree were you able to stay present and grounded in your body as you assumed the role of counsellor in each of these practice activities?
• What shifts did you notice, if any, in this final practice round in which you were explicitly reminded to bring yourself into the conversation from a place of mind–body–spirit–heart?

6. Increasing your Emotional Vocabulary

If you struggled to reflect emotions, you may want some additional practice.

Skills practice

• Review this list of Emotionally laden statements.
• Come up with one reflection of feeling each for each statement, rotating who goes first.

Reflective practice and feedback

• What might you want to avoid when reflecting emotionally laden content back to the client?
• How might you continue to work on increasing your emotional vocabulary?

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