4.5 Digital-Mediated Listening to Others

Listening to others in the SONG of life is framed as face-to-face live interpersonal co munication. I make no attempt to infer that the previous discussion of listening to others in this chapter transfers to the digital context of human communication.^[1] I recognize the import of digital listening, especially for digital natives.^[2] I present a brief overview of some digital issues related to listening to others, and then provide one practice for understanding and optimizing our digital listening habits.

Critics of digital media like Nichola Carr ^[3] and Sherry Turkle^[4] discuss some of the disadvantages of digital communication in dampening our natural human capacities to listen and relate to one another in live face-to-face situations. For instance, Carr argues that the typical information-seeking habits based on the internet do not allow individuals to consolidate their knowledge in deep and meaningful ways. This superficial information-seeking influences the way we listen to others through digital communication (e.g., mobile phones, discord, email). As one illustration, Turkle’s research ^[5] demonstrates that the topic of conversation tends to be more superficial when a mobile phone device is present (even if it is not turned on) when compared to a conversation when no phone is visible. ^[6] One explanation for this finding is that the conversation partner perceives the presence of the phone as a potential interrupter of the conversation, impinging on the privacy and need for attention when discussing intimate topics.

Another point of view argues for the advantages of digital communication and is represented by digital advocates like Clay Shirkey^[7] and Marc Prensky. ^[8] Shirkey argues that engaging in digital media creates a “cognitive surplus” for creativity and connecting with others in ways that promote generosity. I add that the positive potential of cognitive surplus hinges on the ability to empathically listen to connect with the feelings and needs of others in ways that promote generosity.

A more comprehensive view of the advantages of digital communication is Prensky’s recent work on empowerment. He suggests that the generation of the next twenty years can be empowered to create a better world through digital communication. Prensky encourages younger individuals to pursue their interests and engage with others to accomplish real-world projects with positive, measurable impacts. Prensky’s radical idea is that the current educational system in the United States is broken beyond repair. Alternatively, he advocates empowerment hubs that allow individuals to express their dreams, listen to, and work with each other in teams around the globe to learn the knowledge and skills needed to make their dreams come true. While empowerment hubs can be local and involve face-to-face communication, for most individuals, the empowerment hubs will primarily rely on digital communication.^[9]

Both perspectives on digital communication with others^[10] have merit and are supported by empirical research. These perspectives are not mutually exclusive. It is possible to integrate both perspectives in our digital listening. One example of embracing both perspectives is David Levy’s contemplative approach to digital communication.^[11] Levy’s general practice, informed by research with students and with those outside academia, is to mindfully attend to what we are doing (the task) and notice how we feel about it.

Essential, Levy’s contemplative approach to digital communication involves mindfully listening to ourselves and others. As one example, Levy invites us to experiment with checking email for a specified time (e.g., 24 hours). Every time we check our email, a record is kept for when we check, why we check (our intention), and how we feel before, during, and after emailing. For the feeling parts, Levy invites us to observe our breathing, posture, emotions, and quality of attention. After the specified time, one examines the log of observations, looking for patterns, and then decides if one wants to change anything. If we decide that something needs to change, we develop a concrete plan of action to test out the new behavior. This way of digital listening is empowering. Based on data that we collect, we choose how a particular form of digital communication best serves us in our life circumstances at school, work, or home. One can apply this same contemplative approach to listening to others through diverse kinds of digital communication like texting, FaceTime, Discord, Zoom, and so forth.

In the upcoming final part of this chapter on listening to others, I return to the classroom to provide an in-depth account of how to listen more deeply to others through a primitive technology called the “listening stick.” This primitive technology can be utilized to listen more deeply to others in interpersonal dyads, small groups in organizations, and in educational workshops and classrooms.