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As stated before in this chapter, living in a male-centered society and living with a disorder that is mostly researched and studied by and on men causes problems in the lives of girls and women with ASD and ADHD. As the UN stated in 2017, women suffering from this intersectionality “places them at higher risk of gender-based violence, sexual abuse, neglect, maltreatment and exploitation”.

Looking back at the personal story that was presented at the start of this chapter, it is not hard to imagine what consequences a wrong or overlooked diagnosis can entail on a girl or women. Despite the exposure to sexual or physical abuse, the consequences to their mental health can be tragic.

A result of the lack of knowledge and research about women with ASD and their needs is significantly influencing women’s mental health. At the same time, it affects the physical health of women.  Due to a lower self-esteem and self-consciousness, these women are more prone to suffer from physical abuse and self-harm.

The negative impact on the mental health that is caused by the incorrect treatment of women with a disorder does not spontaneously. Usually, a mental health issues develops over a longer period of time. Bauer (2001) found that when women with a developmental disorder live with families that never expect them to build any form of a romantic long-term relationship or live on their own, they are more likely to have lower self-esteem. When women are not encouraged to develop themselves and reach a certain personal growth might have a strong effect on their lives.

“They (women) have grown up absorbing the social stereotype that women with disabilities are asexual and are a burden to their families, and they feel that this type of life has now been thrust upon them.” – Baylor College of Medicine, n.d.

As can be found in the overview of symptoms, difficulties with social relationships, particularly friendships, are an indication of ASD. It does not necessarily require physical abuse for a woman to lower her self-esteem and self-confidence. However, statistically seen it is difficult for women with any disorder to establish a long-term relationship. This, again, is a result of the societal expectation of them being unable to live an independent life (Hiller, Young, & Weber, n.d.).

Next to the idea of the perfect partner, society has specific expectations of what the ‘good’ housewife or mother looks like. For example, the common symptoms for men with ASD are restricted social skills or getting very upset when they get asked to do something. Those characteristics are not seen as ‘useful’ for a woman in order to perform appropriately in a male-centred society (Russo & Denmark, 1984). Therefore, it is not hard to imagine what women with ASD or ADHD have to face when they are open about their disorder.

Another way the lives of women with disorders is affected, is through the impact on women’s educational paths. Women with any form of disability or disorder are likely to receive less education during their lives than girls without a disorders or boys with a disorder. This group of women is up to five times less likely than women without a disorder to successfully complete eighth grade. Furthermore, girls with disorders are far less likely to become women without any college education. To be more precise, approximately only 16% of all women with disorders, but 31% of all women without disorders enter college (Bauer, 2001).

The impact of anxiety on girls with a learning disorder

It is essential to remark that from a young age, these women have tried hard to fit in, tried to be normal and hold it all together. They often feel like something is wrong with them or that there is something wrong with who they are. These women have been severely misunderstood. Their behaviour and social skills are seen as abnormal. They have been desperately denying who they really are, because no one recognised the true root cause for their overall behaviour.