2/90

In El Slaveador, a governmental commission has found that elements of the Armed Forces were responsible for the killing of six Jesuit priests, their housekeeper and her daughter in November.  The U.S. State Department praised the finding and said it shows that the government of President Cristiani is capable of gaining control over the military by 1997 or 12 priests, whichever comes last.

Colombia’s drug lords have offered to surrender, but the Colombian government has rejected the offer.  President Bush declined to comment except to say that he didn’t know anything about it but he supported the Colombian government’s position backing our stance, on which we will follow their lead.

Mikhail Gorbachev has dropped his opposition to a multiparty system for the Soviet Union.  No word as yet from Washington on whether the United States government will permit a multiparty system here.

Black residents of Boston claim that the Police Department, which went on a “rampage” in the Black community looking for the killer of Carol Stuart and her infant son last October, have eggs on their faces following the suicide of Carol’s husband Chuck and the revelation that he had in fact murdered his own wife and child to collect the insurance.  Residents also charged that the media tripped over their own prejudices about inner city life, played into the fears of White citizens and accentuated racial hostility throughout society.  But Boston civic leaders have pointed out that although there may be racism in the media, the Police Department and even at City Hall, at least it isn’t institutionalized in society.

The United States has or has not dispatched ships and planes to help the government of Colombia monitor and interdict drug smugglers, but Colombian officials have decried the action as a “blockade.”  Proconsul—that is, National Security Adviser Brent Scowcroft explained patiently that the unilateral action is not a blockade: “That is a negative, warlike term,” he said, “a perceptual problem on their part.”  He characterized the dispatch of the carriers and cruisers as a “routine intervention.”

Meanwhile Damage Control Officer Marlin Fitzwater commented, “We are anxious to help Colombia, and we would appreciate it if they would appreciate our help.”  According to another source, the Non-blockade is justified by the extenuating circumstance of the export of deadly drugs to America’s youth, just as the Non-invasion of Panama was.  The source added that a similar case could be made for Assistance to Mexico, requested or otherwise, due to that nation’s export of jobless hordes to our shores.  But these are just a few extraordinary exceptions to our general Policy of Live and Let Live, Non-intervention within the broad guidelines of the Monroe Doctrine, said the source, who declined to be named even though he is over 40 years old.

Deputy Secretary of State Lawrence Eagleburger acknowledged that there is a problem with Latin American leaders’ perceptions of our recent actions, and that they didn’t understand how seriously we take these things.  Therefore, he said, we are dispatching Vice President Quayle to explain it to them.

South African freedom fighter F.W. de Klerk has torn down the Pretoria Wall, responding to the determined campaign of Black South Africans for social justice, and in some small measure to the fact that the nation’s loans are coming due and timely reforms might help to end international sanctions. De Klerk left standing a few of apartheid’s rules, including the group areas act and the population registration act, and left troops in Black townships and money in White ones. But he boldly proposed equal representation for all: one vote for the 5 million Whites and one vote for the 30 million Blacks.

The latest Iran‑Contra sentencing is in: Albert Hakim, the business partner of Richard Secord and financial adviser to Oliver North, was fined $5,000 and allowed to keep less than a million of the nine million dollars he holds in a Swiss Bank account. As the judge announced the fine, Hakim went into shock and slumped forward. The judged insisted it was necessary to take firm, even drastic measures with those who steal security fences from the government.

Secretary of State James Baker has offered to lift sanctions on Nicaragua if they will allow the U.S. to observe their elections. There will be many other observer teams there, including the Organization of Rebels in El Slaveador are trying to overthrow the democratic death squads. American States, the European Parliament, and teams led by Elliott Richardson and Jimmy Carter, but Baker says such people are easily duped.  Many of the same groups certified as fair the 1984 elections in Nicaragua, which, as we know, didn’t take place, and therefore could hardly have been fair. Baker said the Sandinistas must also stop sending anti‑aircraft missiles to rebels in El Slaveador who are trying to overthrow the democratic death squads there.

A U.S. cutter sprayed machine gun fire at a Cuban boat when it refused to stop for a drug inspection in international, that is non‑Cuban waters. Naval officials said the Cuban vessel was behaving suspiciously, that is, executing avant‑garde maneuvers, that is, sailing Cubist style. The Cuban freighter was sailing under a Panamanian flag, a common practice among nations attempting to evade drug inspections, but the government of Panama was kind enough to grant the US permission to board the vessel. Vice President Quayle commented on the incident to reporters, but his remarks were not quoted by the press as a courtesy to the public.

President Bush gave his State of the Union address this evening.  He said we are living in revolutionary times, and congratulated the people of Panama for their revolution, which he revealed we are supporting.  Mr. Bush acknowledged his success in achieving the revolutions in Eastern Europe.  He promised to solve all social problems without spending any money, while reducing the deficit and paying off the national debt.   Mr. Bush declined to take a urine test.

The struggle continues between Lithuania and the Soviet Union.  President Bush told Soviet Ambassador Eduard Shevardnadze that the U.S. has always supported Lithuania’s right to independence, that it is completely non-negotiable, and that “someday we’re going to lose patience over this and do something about it.  If the Russians don’t get outa there, then we’re gonna have to take decisive action and not get outa Panama. Not that we’re in there.”

The Costa Rican government is seeking the extradition from the United States of fairly conservative rancher John Hull in connection with the assassination attempt against former Contra leader Eden Pastora.  The request is an unusual twist on international law in that normally it is the United States that extradites people from other countries.

The case is weakened by its recycling of the Thoroughly Discredited lawsuit by the “Christic Institute,” a group described by a Western Diplomat a “not quite Christian.”  Western Diplomats, incidentally, are Usually Reliable Sources employed at high levels of Western, that is to say, Northern governments, almost always in the U.S. State Department but occasionally including the Slaveadoran Ambassador to Guatemala, and therefore as a group representing a wide spectrum of opinion in the Civilized World, as opposed to Eastern diplomats, who are now our friends but don’t yet know the ropes of Western Diplomacy, that is, how to be quoted and not have to take responsibility for your statements.

License

Icon for the CC0 (Creative Commons Zero) license

To the extent possible under law, Dave Lippman has waived all copyright and related or neighboring rights to SINGING CIA AGENT GEORGE SHRUB SPEAKS, except where otherwise noted.

Share This Book