7/90
The Pentagon wants to suspend Northrop from Defense contracting for faking tests on nuclear cruise missiles, saying they endangered the American public.  But the Air Force is arguing against the suspension, saying that cruise missiles that don’t work are no more dangerous than those that do. The Air Force has been hit by allegations that it failed to move against Northrop for its overcharging on the B-2 Stealth bomber account. The Air Force counters that Stealth fraud is difficult to detect.

Poster child Neil Bush continues to suffer persecution for his alleged role in the Silverado Savings and Loan mishap, which is costing taxpayers something in the low ten figures. Bush had loaned developer Kenneth Good $30 million that was never repaid, and Bush himself received a $100,000 loan on condition that he not repay it.  Bush admits that mistakes were made, but insists that creative financing is essential to high-performance banking.

Early installation of the first phase of Star Wars is threatened by the incorporation of “Brilliant Pebbles” technology, which was formerly thought to have been made up by me. Continued development of the program is said to be necessary in order to defend our forces in Guantanamo against Cuban aggression and to defend our Mideast Oil against solar researchers.

The national debate continues to rage over Roseanne Barr’s rendition of the national anthem at the San Diego Padres game on Thursday.  Padres pitcher Eric Show said “There are people who died for that song,” and now, many have almost died from hearing it.  There may soon be more: Congress is considering a constitutional amendment mandating the death penalty for citizens who don’t sing the anthem right.

The new nominee for the Supreme Court, New Hampshire judge David Souter, is described as having a narrow view on civil rights—that is, not.

In northern California, long-haired, naive Earth First? terrorists continue to harass traditional American families trying to make a living.  Contacts have increased throughout the summer between the self-styled environmentalists and the local loggers, and there is now talk of building a coalition based on common “interests” and common perceived threats from alleged corporations engaged in so-called logging. Congress is considering a constitutional amendment against such coalitions, or at least, against the perceptions that lead to them.

Education President Bush has stepped aside and allowed International Trade President Bush to lead an investigation of California’s “Big Green” initiative, which would phase out pesticides, pesticide companies and table settings of pretty fruit.

The last bastion of Stalinism in Europe, tiny Albania, continues to reel from recent convulsions.  One refugee summed up the drive for human rights there: “We want discotheques, not Communism.”

Controversy is brewing over alleged racial stereotyping in advertising.  Recent ads feature veiled references to the small stature of the Japanese, along with photographs of ominous Samurai warriors.  Advertisers protest that the commercials are meant to be humorous, like Andrew Dice Clay, and say the ads are not anti-Japanese but rather pro-American. Critics charge the ads may cross the thin line between pro-Americanism and racism, but the industry counters that internment camps provided jobs.

Imelda Marcos has been acquitted on the charge of loving her husband for 35 years. Marcos Attorney Gerry Spence never elaborated on his charge that then-Vice President George Bush knew as early as 1981 that the Marcos’s were moving millions of dollars into secret bank accounts, but legal experts point out that it’s no crime to know about crimes, especially if no one finds out until after the next election.

U.S. presidents for four decades have relied on vastly overstated CIA estimates of the Soviet Union’s strength, a CIA analyst has told a Senate committee. This may have in some small measure contributed to the American public’s tendency to support military expenditures in the low twelve figures and forego luxuries such as multi-walled dwellings and post-nursery education.  No charges have been filed in the case.

The new U.S. ambassador to Nicaragua is Harry Shlaudeman.  He has a long record in the struggle for democracy, having been present in the Dominican Republic in 1965 and Chile in 1973, but says his days of organizing coups are over and that he will support the Nicaraguan government he has installed.  Shlaudeman has worked in Argentina and Brazil to support U.S.-flavored candidates, and the democratically rejected Sandinistas assert that he will meddle in Nicaragua’s internal affairs, funneling National Endowment for Democracy funds to the right wing.  The complaining Sandinistas risk being extradited to the United States to stand trial on libel charges, which would provide them with the visas they have long sought to visit the land of opportunity.

The discredited Sandinistas are attempting to maintain their iron-fisted control of Nicaragua’s schools, dosing the children with militarism in literacy, such as “A is for army:  we will never permit foreign intervention.”  The new vice-minister of education, Humberto Belli, wrote a book that was published by an Institute that was founded and funded by the CIA, and the terrorist opposition is attempting to discredit Belli through guilt by association with an association that may have had some association with an organization known to use creative financing of high-performance covert democracy.

August 3, 1990
The Iraqi invasion of Kuwait has been denounced throughout the world and even brought the US and the Soviet Union together on an arms embargo. Iraq claims it was invited in by a Kuwaiti revolutionary government-in-waiting, and the US is readying a suit in the World Court for copyright infringement. Oil companies are nervous and have already begun to share their concern with consumers.

Operation Green Sweep has brought the war home to California in an effort to wipe out the most dangerous non-legal drug grown in Humboldt County. The joint military operation is seen as a show of force to impress Colombian authorities who had complained that the US is dispatching troops to South America while failing to clean up its act at home. The Bureau of Land Management spokesman said, “We are perfectly willing to invade ourselves.” Critics have said attacking pot plants to stop crack use is like attacking Grenada to strike at the Soviet Union, but President Bush defended the action, saying studies show cleanup of marijuana leads to cleanup of the harder stuff.

Congress is considering a program to help workers who lose their jobs due to defense cuts and environmental protection survive and retrain for new occupations. Some Congresspersons have noted that the program could resolve the conflict between environmentalists and loggers. The rest of the members agreed, and voted the measure down.

A new environmental study by the Roper Organization finds five categories of peoples responding to environmental problems. “Basic browns” show no concern, “grousers” tend to grouse, “sprouts” are concerned but don’t believe they can do anything, “green-back greens” give money, and “true-blue greens” believe that individuals can make a difference. There is a sixth category, those who believe that corporations are responsible for environmental destruction and should take responsibility for cleaning it up. This group is known as “reds” and was dismissed as being outside the US color spectrum.


August 10, 1990

“The Iraqi aggression proves that talk of a peace dividend is premature,” President Bush told the press yesterday, raising his hand to cover a slight smile. Celebrations have broken out all over America except among young men, their mothers, and a few other relatives. The president went on to denounce rumors that Saddam Hussein is on the CIA payroll. “We did not plan this crisis to divert attention from the S&L-deficit-recession question,” he asserted. “That was a side benefit.” Mr. Bush denounced Hussein for using the weapons we have provided him to launch an unauthorized war. He said he will ask Iran to come into the conflict to help destroy the weapons we had sent to destroy Iran, back when we were enemies, last year. The president said the 38 Americans confined by Iraq were not taken hostage, merely detained, and cautioned that we are not at war. Polls indicate the public supports the President’s position, with 68% saying they do not believe we are at war with Iraq, although 57% said they believed Iraq believes it is at war with us. 73% said they arrived at their views by reading opinion polls in the newspapers.

The question of sovereignty for Kuwait has been clouded by the fact that the tiny principality was formerly a province ruled from what is now Iraq. Iraq received its independence from Britain only in 1961, and Arab borders in general were manipulated by the departing British to maintain control over the We always support self-determination throughout the world, in this case. region’s resources. But the administration has insisted that the colonially-established borders remain firm. “If Saddam wanted to invade Syria, we would consider that on its merits,” said a White House aide who wished to remain a White House aide, “but Kuwait has lots of oil and a port. Therefore we always support self-determination throughout the world, in this case.” The President agreed, saying “If you don’t defend your friends, then you shouldn’t complain when you lose your own human rights and have to leave the extra car in the garage for a week.” This last statement sent the stock market tumbling.

Defense Secretary Dick Cheney reported that he had met with Saudi Arabia’s King Fahd and held discussions on the situation, after which the King requested US troops be deployed. Mr. Cheney was surprised by this request, but after much thought he decided, with a heavy heart, to grant it.

August 18, 1990
Protesters marched in London
today against the so-called Poll Tax, or Community Charge, which is designed to give rich and poor alike the right to sleep under bridges. The protesters attacked police with firebombs purchased with their welfare checks. The police denied charges they had provoked the crowd, saying they had merely told the demonstrators what time it was, namely, time to go home.

With the Cold War over, the CIA has ended its covert support to the UNITA guerrillas in Angola. The $60 million per year program has been formally declared overt.

August 24, 1990
Desert Shield:
40,000 reservists have been called up by President Bush, who has explained to the American people what we are defending in Saudi Arabia by jumping aboard his boat Fidelity, which uses only nine times as much gas as the average car. “I’m going to keep using my boat,” said Bush,” and I hope the rest of America will prudently recreate.” Other officials endorsed the President’s call for safe play.

Mr. Bush defended his holiday steadfastness by saying “I don’t want anyone asking ‘Where Was George’ later on.” He added that he would not become a prisoner of the White House like Jimmy Carter, preferring to be a prisoner of the Golf Course.

Proclaiming the reliability of America in fulfilling its commitments, the President said we will defend the Emir of Kuwait for all he’s worth—about $18 billion—and warned Iraq he would not tolerate an Iraqi puppet regime in Kuwait. “We want our puppet back,” Mr. Bush said forcefully, allowing himself to gently pound the lectern a bit and then confiscating reporters’ tapes.

Meanwhile, the US restrictees in Iraq and Kuwait were upgraded, first to Inconvenienced People and later to Hostages, but were never “guests,” as claimed by the Hitler-like Hussein, Bush told a Veterans of Foreign Wars gathering.

The President continued, “I salute the many countries who courageously responded to Saudi Arabia’s request, and I salute Saudi Arabia for courageously responding to our request for a request.” One sign-holder summed up the lofty goals of the defensive deployment: “Get their gas and kick their ass.” King Hussein of Jordan has implied that Iraq did not mass troops at the Saudi border, as claimed by President Bush, and that the crisis might have been avoided if Bush had not sent troops. The President rejected these protests, asking “How can we protect world peace if we don’t protect our piece?”

Public reaction has been favorable: Citizens seem to be thankful for something more virile to focus on than the wimpish, recession-prone, bailout-plagued economy. In the most recent poll, 59% said they supported the President’s Gulf policy, including 64% supporting it if it is about oil, 58% in support if it’s about the rights of Kuwait, 51% if it’s about the rights of the Emir, and 96% if it’s about America’s self-image. The poll has a sampling error of plus or minus four gallons of crude.

In addition, 71% of the respondents agreed with President Bush that Saddam Hussein is a new Hitler, while only 31% felt he had been a new Hitler when he gassed thousands of Kurds in the mid-80s. Sixty-two percent felt he was not a Hitler then because Bush hadn’t said it yet, while another 62% said it was because Kurds have no oil.

A few Americans revealed their inability to get on board by demonstrating against the deployment. One demonstrator in Amherst, Massachusetts said she had protested the war in Vietnam and knew what it was like to demonstrate “at the beginning, before the protest becomes prevalent,” implying that opposition to the Vietnam war had somehow increased over time and that this was likely to happen again. Passing motorists slowed down to discuss the issue with the picketers, criticizing their failure to give the new war a fair shake. One driver reasoned, “Get out of America.”

White House sources dismissed any parallel between the seizure of Kuwait and Israel’s seizure of territories in the West Bank and Lebanon, saying “There is a Butcher of Baghdad, but there is no Terror of Tel Aviv. Israel is a Democracy, governed by a Kind and Gentle Jerusalem.” The source conceded that the US could make up all the oil lost from Iraq and Kuwait by driving five fewer miles per day, but said that would cause a recession, and we can’t afford two.

September 14, 1990
The race for the California Governor’s mansion has turned from attack videos to more positive themes, with Dianne Feinstein backing the death penalty.

Hundreds of children in the cities of Brazil have been shot by death squads or beaten by police seeking to “clean up the streets,” but the White House says there are no plans for an embargo or troop deployment against the Butchers of Brazil because they are not upsetting the balance of butchery in the region.

A US government White Paper named Saddam Hussein as the next officially-designated enemy of the United States in May of this year, two months before Hussein’s invasion of Kuwait, according to terrorist sympathizers outside the mainstream of American popular opinion.

Los Angeles police chief Daryl Gates, who last year declared that casual drug users “ought to be taken out and shot,” contends that casual marijuana smokers are responsible for the 300,000 babies born addicted to crack each year. Scientific studies so far are mixed. The Chief appeared at a local youth seminar and gave a lengthy talk on drugs, but his statements were clear.

In the latest chapter of the Gates-gate affair, the Chief has been placed on a sixty-day leave. Reaction in the city today has tended to divide along racial lines, for reasons that psychologists are working hard to uncover. Whites are saying the temporary leave was ordered as a cooling down period, while blacks maintain the Chief needs to chill.

October 9, 1990
A Florida jury has exonerated the Loud Noise group 2 Live Crew on obscenity charges. The decision, while not considered a major victory for feminism, is considered a victory for free speech. No word yet on a possible Constitutional amendment protecting citizens from having to hear four-letter words accompanied by non-melodic, insistent rhythms above a socially-sanc-tioned decibel level.

The US Department of Education will prohibit colleges that receive federal funds from offering scholarships earmarked for minority students. The Department says that “race-exclusive” scholarships discriminate in favor of minorities, instead of against them.

Recent polls indicate nearly six in ten Americans say the nation is in a recession. According to federal statutes, if eight in ten say it, it becomes law.

Cuba is trying to export its problems, according to a new scholarly report released by the US State Department. Charges that the US might be engaging in the same practice were heatedly denied by President Bush, speaking on behalf of his son.

British Prime Minister Thatcher has reacted with repulsion to the Iraqi taking of hostages, saying “We only came for their oil, not to have our heads tousled.” Hussein’s broadcasts have been reminiscent of earlier propaganda devices used in other countries, that is, not ours.

The British government is in a tizzy over the state of the economy. Last week, Chancellor of the Exchequer John Major said the country was in a recession, but today Prime Minister John Major disclaimed the Exchequer’s remarks and claimed it is merely a rapid economic slowdown.

October 30, 1990

President Bush has vetoed the civil rights quota bill because it would have denied the driving force of the American economy, that is, employers, the freedom to hire and fire when ready, regardless of color, that is, whatever color that pleases them, or doesn’t. But the President denies the veto is intended to help Republican candidates in white neighborhoods in the upcoming elections. Mr. Bush insisted he helps white neighborhoods year round.

And due to the continuing budget crunch, the President has threatened to shut down the government for the second time, but the shutdown will not affect essential services, that is, Operation Desert Shield, since that pre-war exercise has been contracted out. And with the CIA obtaining much of its funding from private and foreign sources, it looks like no one will be hurt by the shutdowns, except people.

November 4, 1990

Three Senators under investigation for helping a constituent, namely Charles Keating, have struck back, calling the charges a violation of the average American’s sense of fair play. The investigations reveal that as early as 1986 Mr. Keating warned that Edwin Gray, the head of the bank board, was creating a police state, in which the state would regulate the banks instead of the other way around.

November 10, 1990
President Bush has defended his veto of the civil rights bill, saying the measure would have pitted one group against the other, instead of the other way around.

The “Throw the Rascals Out” campaign against incumbent politicians scored a clear victory yesterday, with a two-thirds majority voting no to all the candidates, that is, not voting for any of them, that is, not voting. The runners-up conceded defeat gingerly in their victory statements. A New York Times article reveals a wide range of lack of motivations to vote, ranging from “I don’t know who to trust” to “I don’t know who not to trust.” Others disagreed, saying those who did vote are just as cynical.

The Times’ approach to the article was questioned by a far left think tank for allegedly failing to mention the actual organizations and persons that do so well in looking out for themselves on election day. A Times spokesperson explained, “We didn’t fail to mention that. We succeeded in not mentioning that.” The spokesperson added that this was an article about elections, not about who runs the country.

The proposal went down to defeat, with four million votes for and sixteen million dollars against.

A final note: In California the so-called Big Green initiative, an environmental proposition that was opposed by fair-sized chemical and oil concerns, went down to defeat, with four million votes for and sixteen million dollars against.

19 November 1990

London: A new  poll reveals 46% of Americans believe that if the US launched a war in the Gulf, the Bush administrations would lie and say Iraq had started it. The 46% were questioned and released. The pollster was shot.

24 November 1990
London: President Bush says the US will fight for the rights of Kuwaitis, just as it has for Palestinians, only more so, since in this case we are able to find their leaders. Asked whether a war in the Gulf could end US influence in the Middle East, as the Suez conflict had ended European colonialism there, the President responded, “Oh, you mean the History thing?”

26 November 1991
London: Junk dealer-bond king Michael Milken has been savagely sentenced to ten years in prison. The sentencing judge wanted to send a warning to those who would deal junk on Wall Street instead of further uptown. “The sentence would have been twice as stiff,” said Judge Wood, “but we didn’t find any marijuana in his car.”

Observers of the New York Daily News strike note that violence is endemic in US labor history, owing to the workers’ long-standing frustration at not “owning” the “means” of “production.” The Tribune company, owners of the News, have conceded they may have given advance consideration to possible action in the event of a strike they might have hoped to help happen.

As Britain’s greatest peace-time Prime Minister surrendered the reins of power, pundits took a look back at her legacy. She came to power under the slogan “Labour Isn’t Working,” and promptly made sure of it. In fairness, some are. With the withdrawal of housing benefits and income support, more students are working than ever before. Granted, they are mostly female, and engaged in selling their bodies rather than their labour, but then, labour isn’t just working with your hands, is it?

6 December 1990
London:
The European participants in the GATT talks are threatening to torpedo the current round by refusing to even consider a polite request by the United States that they cut farm subsidies. The US declared that the recalcitrant nations want to compete unfairly with the US, instead of the other way around. No word yet on a possible rescue of Europe by the Marines.

The British High Court has ruled that the working class still exists. In the case of the Millbank estate, left by the second Duke of Westminster to the council as workers’ housing, Mr. Justice Harman ruled that although Parliament had since chosen not to speak of the working class, it had not sought to prohibit others from speaking of it, nor to prevent the class from existing, but only from working.

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To the extent possible under law, Dave Lippman has waived all copyright and related or neighboring rights to SINGING CIA AGENT GEORGE SHRUB SPEAKS, except where otherwise noted.

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