The Savannah River and Rocky Flats nuclear weapons plants have been shut down for routine cleanup, and there is no danger to the public, but the nation is on edge, concerned that the United States might not have enough weapons to frighten the Soviets.  Mikhail Gorbachev, ever the gentleman, has promised not to attack us with our plants down.  George Bush, the energy reform candidate, says the real question of the campaign is “Are you safer now than you were last week?”  He added, “The Soviets should learn from this that a Chernobyl can be avoided by a Free Enterprise System that carefully balances environmental concerns with greed.”

And a poll of Savannah River area residents shows a majority supporting the plant managers who hid evidence of plutonium leaks from their superiors.  53% answered yes when asked “Do you feel that information leaks are more dangerous than plutonium leaks because they make the Soviets overconfident?”  81% said they considered the plant to be a Soviet target, and 65% said that if the plant were attacked they would just as soon go with it.  Residents have never been presented with the possibility that they might be attacked by the plant, and therefore are presumed to have no opinion about it, and thus were not asked about it in the survey.

Child veto: President Reagan has denied that his veto of a bill to curb advertising on children’s television shows was intended to favor business over children.  “It was a pocket veto,” he said.  “I put the bill in my pocket and forgot about it.”

12/88
NICARAGUA: The CIA is alleged to have fomented riots in Nicaragua early last year to provoke a Sandinista crackdown, according to House Speaker Jim Wright.  The CIA has denied the allegation but said they took the action as a pre-emptive retaliation for the Nicaraguan expulsion of the U.S. ambassador later in the year.  The White House accused Mr. Wright of breaching Congressional confidentiality by releasing the information, but denied that what he had released was information.  “There is no systematic policy of provocation in Nicaragua,” said a source.  “As is well known, this administration is opposed to planning.”

Asked about the controversy later at a helicopportunity, the President shouted that the Sandinite cancer consists of a cabal of dope dealers, synagogue bombers and Pope-haters who have constructed a safe-house for Cubans, Libyans, Iranians, East Germans, North Koreans, Red Brigades, PLO and IRA, all united in their efforts to threaten U.S. sea lanes, NATO choke points and the eleven democracies of Latin America.  The cabal has funded and trained guerrillas in Colombia and Brazil, he said.  Denials of the charges came from the Brazilian and Colombian governments, the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency, various Catholic bishops and a number of Jewish leaders.  “They believe otherwise in private,”  Press Secretary Marlin Fitzwater said, “but they have to say that in public.”  White House intimidations director Patrick Buchanan added, “The Communist bandits in El Slaveador are directed by Bulgarians in Managua, and anyone who doesn’t understand that is funded by Libya.”

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To the extent possible under law, Dave Lippman has waived all copyright and related or neighboring rights to SINGING CIA AGENT GEORGE SHRUB SPEAKS, except where otherwise noted.

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