Latin “America” is being moved out of authoritarianationism and into democracy, now that the conditions are present:

1 – Elimination of terrorists, that is, Communists, that is, those who would nationalize foreign businesses

2 – Assurances that the armed forces will not be nationalized. General amnesty (for the Colonels also)

3 – Construction of a realistic economic structure, that is, a single-crop export economy

4 – Proper arrangements for the national debt, i.e., permanent.

We are hopeful of a successful transition from autocracy to austerity. There is a chance that democracy will succeed in these countries. If it does work, we will restore order. Although the Latin zone often seems chaotic to Northerners, there is an orderly cycle to life in these lands. The traditional form of government among these people, the military junta, promotes quick economic growth. Then, when the debts come due from the loans taken out for expansion, the colonels allow democracy to take over and work out a suitable solution to the debt, which normally entails four stages:

1 – Negotiations with the International Monetary Fund

2 – Austerity measures

3 – Riots

4 – Return to military rule

This cycle has proven quite reliable, providing a feeling of long-term stability as well as a guaranteed variety in life. Citizens of these nations must pity the denizens of totalitarianationistic dungeons like Cuba and Nicaragua. These countries trudge along in unchanging poverty, blaming their plight on outside influences like the World Bank and trade blockades. In these Communist countries the working class cannot rise above itself, since all the other classes have been outlawed. So there’s no upward mobility. No incentive to pull yourself up by your brother’s bootstraps and rise above him. In other words, no Yuppies.

We are hopeful of a successful transition from autocracy to austerity.

Now some have said that I’m trying to turn you all into sheep by using Communism as an escape goat. Not so. The problems under Communism are real. I know this. I created them myself. We understand that Nicaragua can’t get development off the ground even though they have a private sector still in operation. This is, of course, because of their outrageous military expenditures which are necessitated by their plans to destabilize Mexico (and New Mexico).

GUATEMALA GAINS

Our embassy reports that political killings increased last year, but overall human rights conditions have improved. That is, they have improved for the living, and life is for the living. There has been a lot of propaganda about this poor country by those who want to turn it into a Soviet base. The human rights violations are grossly overrated. I can tell you that no army officer and very few policemen have ever been convicted of human rights violations there. In fact, as we have exclaimed before, most violations are committed by the Violent Left. We know this because most of the victims are unionists, peasant activists, students and teachers—exactly the type of people the Communists always kill to make it look like the Army did it. Well maybe that kind of circumstantial evidence holds up in the world court, but not in ours.

“SANCTUARY”

The illegal aliens from the Central part of Our America are, of course, in our country looking for work. Times are kind of bad in their countries, although they are rapidly improving as the economic recovery trickles down through the hemisphere. But a serious and tragic difficulty befalls these misplaced persons when they enter our land. They are abducted by self-styled “church people” to alleged “sanctuary programs,” which are in fact a cover for pressing the aliens into service as indentured servants. Therefore we must indict. We will unmask this cult, strip away the false collars and habits, and free these unfortunate souls, to return to their own lands; in fact we will pay their return fare. Let no one say we are unfair.

The government has filed a motion to bar any references to U.S. policy in Central America, religious convictions, or international refugee law from these court cases. We feel this will help to focus the cases on the smuggling and neo-slavery issues which constitute the core of the problem for the aliens.

U.S. HANDS OFF POLICY

To show that we are not afraid to withdraw when we’ve gotten in over our heads, the U.S. has pulled itself (and Britain) out of UNESCO. This is because Third Rate nations want to put journalists under the control of governments. Now these are young nations, and they’ll understand when they older that this kind of action is wasteful, since journalists already are government-controlled, indirectly, since they work for companies which in turn control governments. You see, the Communists want governments to own business, but it’s really much more efficient the other way around since a corporation may operate internationally, but governments are restricted to one country, technically.