Address to the Fortunate 500 April 19, 1984
It has been reported that U.S. troops are now involved in actual bombing missions in Slaveador, rather than just training flights. You must understand that the Slaveadorans tend to consider every mission as a combat mission, whereas in American eyes some of these are training missions. As is normal, we are using American eyes, and there the matter rests. Along these same lies, some church officials monitoring alleged civilian casualties have stated that the increased bombing sorties have increased said alleged casualties, but in American eyes the surgical strikes have reduced the casualties. When American eyes are smiling, why look any further?
Jeane Killpatriot has observed that the portrayal of Nicaragua as a victim in the current situation is a “complete Orwellian Inversion” of what is actually happening. What Jeane means is that in fact Nicaragua was a victim, during the Somoza administration, of repeated attacks upon their approved government by the Nicaraguan Communists, who, properly speaking, are not actually Nicaraguans but rather Sandinoids. Now that Nicaraguan society has become inverted, the victim in Central America is obviously the United States, which is in danger of itself becoming inverted.
In defending the U.S. decision to exempt our peace-seeking activities in Central America from World Court jurisdiction, Jeane stopped short of saying that the United States should disregard international law, choosing instead only to think it. Nicaragua wishes to make a propaganda show in the Court, while the United States has the prudence to make its points in more appropriate venues, such as the harbors of Nicaragua.
All these developments come against the unspoken but disturbing background of changes in the character of the United Nations since its formation. It was originally a body focused on uniting the world against war and aggression; but with the addition of many newly-independent nations it has become a forum for attacks on the United States instead. This particular Orwellian Inversion can be traced to the tender age of the dissenting nations; I’m sure they’ll understand things better when they’re older.
The United States is embarking on a get-tough campaign against terrorists. Pre-emptive strikes such as the mining of Sandinoid ports and the mopping up of terrorist strongholds such as Slaveadoran villages will be supplemented by rewards of $500,000 for information on Potential Terrorist Activities (PTA’s). White House Press Secretary Larry spoke of this as “more co-operation and more sharing of intelligence,” the intelligence taking the form of $500,000 bills. So if you’ve been short of cash lately, and you know someone who may be active in the local PTA, please don’t hesitate to give us a call. If your suspicions prove partially un-founded, we will be happy to provide you with a new identity and transportation reimbursement as well.
President Ron has explained that a far-away totalitarian power is attempting to change the strategic balance of the world by taking Central America away from local totalitarian powers. This sort of destabilization will not be tolerated. If Central America is lost, we will be forced to take out ads in the lost and found, or even to go to the expense of buying new countries to replace the old ones. We cannot stand by and watch guerrillas force Communist Dictatorships down the throats of innocent peasants, even though there is not much else going down their throats under present arrangements.
Due to the continued incidents of unauthorized violence and criminals shooting their way around, we will be stepping up (though not escalating) our Neighborhood Watch in Central America, which is after all just over our Property Line. Debate on this issue has clearly strayed too far from realty.