Report to the Neighborhood Watch Committees of Our World's Neighborhoods March 14, 1984
Flora Lewis has been doing a wonderful job in her “Thank you America for liberating Grenada” series on the op-ed pages of America. A number of ordinary Grenadians, she reports, are fed up with local politicians and want to try American ones. It doesn’t say which number of people are fed up. Well, the Grenadians must learn that the price of independence is the responsibility to democratically make the correct choices. So we’ll give them another chance real soon and see if they get it right this time.
In line with the Administration’s policy of domesticating foreign affairs, George Schultz has said the Nicaragoids are putting themselves in jeopardy and blaming the U.S., imagining foreign troops ringing their borders and lurking in surrounding waters. George said the Sandinites have a lot to apologize for. He offered to apologize for U.S. interceptions in Nicaragua in 1854, 1896, 1912 and 1926, but only if the Sandinites apologize for harassing innocent, unarmed Popes and suppressing that sector of the press which represents our views there, exercising their free democratic right of publishing with finances from classified sources. But, said George, we have no First Apology policy.
Uniformed sources report that Cuba may “use Salvadoran guerrillas” (which they purchased in a 1980 black market transaction) to retaliate against the United States. The guerrillas, left to themselves, have nothing but warm feelings for U.S. military forces. This is because most of our aid takes civilian forms, both materiel and life. As General Abrams has commented, “I don’t believe trucks and jeeps are military aid. Chevrolets can be used to kill people too.” He meant Ford Pintos I’m sure, but it’s the thought that counts.
On the legislative front, the Senate has approved further aid to the freedom-fighting contras who ,in a gesture of their democratic intentions, are no longer following Mr. Somoza. The House has rejected the aid. Administration attorneys are looking into whether the House can, by law, be abolished.
Mr. Kissinger, in a dissent to his own Commission’s report, says that there are very few options open to us in securing freedom in the hemisphere, and that one of the only options left open to us is to invade ourselves. That certainly would get to the root of the problem. He also asserted, upon presentation of the report to President Ron, that the worst human rights violation they saw during their in-depth hands-on 24-hour investigation in El Slaveador was “the lunch they served us.” One can see that the country desperately needs agricultural assistance, if not land reform.
Speaking of Henry, the approved government of Chile has declined to turn over to Israel the Nazi, or rather former Nazi SS officer, Walter Rauff, for trial on charges of gassing thousands of eastern European Jews in mobile death vans during World War II. The Chilean foreign minister told reporters it would be inappropriate to expel a citizen who has lived 20 years in peace. He has obviously changed his ways, as he is no longer gassing Jews, is no longer mobile, and in fact no longer even owns a van. Besides, said the foreign minister, he has taught us so much!
Until next time, don’t do anything I would do; better still, don’t do anything at all!