The guerrillas have no supporters; therefore all those killed by the army are guerrillas.

As you know, El Salvador is a democracy. Unlike Poland, they have strikes there. Up to 30 strikes a day, and that just the air force. But Poland and El Salvador are not the same. In fact they are indifferent to each other.

There is great progress being made in human rights in El Salvador. We have encouraged the government to remove the death squads from El Salvador and place them over El Salvador. There, they cannot pick out individuals they don’t like and eliminate them. They will be more general there. We will teach them that all men are cremated equal , especially women and children. And also, we will control them, by directing them.

Now they tell you we using napalm and white phosphorus bombs down there. Well, what do they expect? They’re hiding down there! If they were real Americans they would come out and show their true colors. But they are Red, so they hide, wearing camouflage and blending in with the peasants. But they are not peasants. They are composed of three factions: Soviet surrogates, Cuban clones and Nicaraguan nattering nabobs of negativism. Now the question has been asked, why can’t the army distinguish between the guerrillas and their supporters? The answer is that the guerrillas have no supporters; therefore all those killed by the army are guerrillas.

But just because we’re using the same strategy of buying the elections and bombing the voters, that doesn’t mean it’s another Vietnam. Vietnam was caused by the Chinese. Today the Chinese are our friends. El Salvador is caused by the Soviets. Without the Soviets, everyone would like us. This is a proven fact. I know this, because I read my digests. The Soviets are responsible. And they are irresponsible. And that is why we are trying to free our hemisphere. It used to be a free hemisphere, and now they’re trying to make us pay for it, and that not what the Monroe Doctrine says. The Monroe Doctrine states that countries from outside the hemisphere can’t take things without paying for them, and we’re going to enforce that.

And besides, as Jeane Killpatriot has pointed out, our revolution was the only one that worked. Look at Mexico: they’re still poor. No, we don’t need any more revolutions. How can you have a revolution in a back yard? These are not revolutions. These are Soviet-style fomentations. These Marxist hit-men are fomenting nations in our Back 40. You can’t just sit by and watch somebody come in and take over your lands. Because if you do, then you’ll see an exodus of feet people to our country. Already, 500,000 Slaveadorans have been displaced. Most of these are fleeing the terror of the Leninist guerrillas, and a few of them are fleeing from the over-enthusiasm of the government—37 of them at last count.

And speaking of El Salvador, we have news on Fidel Castro. A Cuban defector says that Castro is personal, impulsive and intrusive. The Monroe Doctrine prohibits intrusions in Our Hemisphere, so it is our responsibility to rescue Cuba. The defector, Jose Luis Llovio Menendez, also said Mr. Castro hates everyone in the United States, except baseball players and baseball fans.

OUR NEIGHBORS IN AFGHANISTAN

PrezRon has explained that the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan is similar to Pearl Harbor. This is because both acts are a direct threat to our security. He did not say, however, that we would therefore declare war on the Soviets. He also did not say he would not say it, or rule it out, or not rule it out. He further would not confirm that we are aiding the Afghan Freedom Fighters, but did say it was possible the aid was being mismanaged.

OUR NEIGHBORS BUT NOT NEXT DOOR

We are now outnumbered by minorities. In fact, we are surrounded by them. They have achieved a gross population, in fact, they are gross by definition and need their numbers adjusted. Now about integration, the only way to eliminate the barriers is to tear them down. We cannot lust tear down all the fine freeways and railroad tracks that have made our country what it shall remain. But this is what the radical handwringers and doomsayers propose. Just do away with progress, says congress.

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To the extent possible under law, Dave Lippman has waived all copyright and related or neighboring rights to SINGING CIA AGENT GEORGE SHRUB SPEAKS, except where otherwise noted.

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