We are losing enemies at a rate faster than we can make new ones.I know a lot of you were surprised when we invaded Panama.  Most people thought, logically, that Panama would invade the United States.  Well, they were only off by one.  I think you realize that we had every right to take that fellow out of there.  We put him in there, didn’t we?  And as a matter of fact, as you may not know, we put his whole country there.  Panama, you see, used to be part of Colombia, and they wanted a canal, but as you can guess it would be very expensive to cut a canal through Colombia, so we freed them of that, and gave them that canal that they want us to give them again.  Why, if it weren’t for us, they’d still be speaking Colombian in Panama.

And what did they do, to show their gratitude?  They nullified their elections!  And that’s our job.  So we had to go down there, to protect American lies.  And then, adding insult to injury, they harassed one of our American Serviceladies.  And that’s bad.  That’s that macho thing they do down there.  You don’t do that.  You want to do that, you go find some nuns in El Slaveador.

So we had to go in there.  And then some people said we didn’t really want to catch Noriega.  And that’s true, I’ll say it right here.  But not because he might say something about George Bush.  That’s ridiculous.  There’s nothing to say.  No, quite frankly it’s because we are running out of enemies.  We are losing enemies at a rate faster than we can make new ones.  Why, even this Khadafy fellow, he came out against terrorism.  So naturally we had to come out for it—I mean, publicly—in order to stay on his bad side.

But of course the real reason we went in there had to do with the canal.  We have information that the Panamaniacs were planning to turn that canal over to the Cubans.  I know this—I have photographs.  And what would the Cubans do with it? First thing, they’d convert it to metric.  And we will not have a metric beachhead on the mainland in this hemisphere, thank you.  Thank you.