The debate between Mr. Mondale and Mr. President got underway with a discussion of the balanced budget. Mr. President whispered his secret plan to balance the budget to Mrs. Walters, who instructed the studio audience not to ask questions. Mr. President then instructed the public that “we have no thought of throwing the people out into the snow,” leaving open the possibility that he might do it without thinking about it. Beforehand. Or after.

The press then asked Mr. President whether he was born again, or had been. Mr. President replied that he considered himself rather to be recycled. He supported school prayer, saying you mustn’t undermine prayer as if it were a common Nicaraguan harbor. On economic matters, Ron said that we must stand tall against the deficit, as we did against the Russians at the Olympics. In other words, if we’re lucky, the deficit won’t show up for a while.

On big govamint, Ron said that certainly there was a place for it. Govamint should enforce some elements, such as crime. But not the environment. Although perhaps crime against the environment should be considered as a borderline area. As should, perhaps, the environment. If the environment is dirty, we should brush it three times a day, and in some cases eliminate it.

Mr. Mondale pointed out that Mr. Bush has paid less in taxes than his chauffeur or his office janitor. Mr. President responded that govamint is overfed, which is why everyone in America has too much of everything, including underemployment. He said he will flatly not raise taxes, while never saying never, but he might flat the tax.

Mr. Mondale told Mr. President that his facts and figures don’t stand up, much less tall. Mr. President said that well, it did make the point rather well, didn’t it. Mr. Mondale became conciliatory, saying “I like President Reagan” and lauding him for having given us the courage to move backward. Mr. President credited his accomplishments to Divine Grace, saying that the Grace Commission had made 2,478 recommendations for the economy and that 17% of them had been implemented. He said he would disclose after his re-election how much 17% of 2,478 is in real savings.

Mr. Mondale stated in closing that we won the Olympics because we have civil rights laws. This was an obviously political statement designed to appeal to the two largest voting blocs, sports fans and civilians. Mr. President, for his summation, quoted Tom Paine in saying that we have it in our power to begin the world over again, implying that we must first end it. Mrs. Walters ruled that this was not a statement of domestic policy and should be saved for the next debate.